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What are you teaching your daughter about sex?

Mother and tween daughter having a nice talkFemale sexuality is, sadly, still considered taboo by many, but is this want we want to teach our daughters? What if, instead, we could talk about sex and sexuality as fun, joyful and connected? What if we could support our daughters in creating a sexual identity that is free from shame? Let’s explore what that might look like.

For starters, we need to take an honest look at what we grew up learning. As little people, we’re human sponges; we absorb everything we’re exposed to including information about the world, stories about how we should relate to and understand it, and how we should interact with the people around us.

The problem is we absorb it all with little judgment or wisdom. We don’t have enough experience to know if something is a load of bullshit, or if someone is using their power to mold us in a way that suits them.

How did you first hear about sex? How old were you?

Whatever your story is about finding out about sex, it’s important to realise how this first introduction has set the scene for you. Without even realising it, you may have picked up on the stories, beliefs, and “weird” energy the people who first told you had about this topic—and that, along with so many other experiences and stories you’ve accumulated since, may have left you stranded on an island very far away from the idea of sex as an act of beauty and joy.

Now, let’s take a look at how you have spoken to your own daughter about sex, or how you envision doing so. What kind of language are you using?

  • Are you using fear-based language?
  • Are you using shame-based language?
  • Are you talking about sex as something purely functional?
  • Or are you sharing information about how sex can be fun, joyful and connected?

I can hear some of you saying, “But Ava, won’t this ‘fun’ talk encourage kids to have sex earlier?”

From my perspective, sharing happier and more loving details about sex (rather than keeping it shrouded in secrecy, shame, and fear) will help create the conditions for our kids to grow up and enjoy their sexuality. These discussions about making love can be paired with conversations around the importance of being emotionally ready for sex, laying a more loving groundwork for that life-changing decision, and responsible choices (birth control, ensuring both parties’ willingness, etc.).

We all have free will, and we want our daughters to trust in their own innate ability to make positive, loving decisions for themselves around their sexuality. Communicating this to them is like watering the seeds of their self-worth and their faith in their intuition.

Trust yourself, too. Trust your own inner goddess woman, and help your daughter find her path to hers. We are showing them the way, ladies.

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