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The scientific laws of parenting

scientific laws of parentingI bet you all thought that parenting was about instincts, tradition and luck …

Nope! It is all science.

In fact, I observed the following scientific laws at work in my own house when my two eldest were younger – here affectionately called The Toddler and The Baby. .

Check them out – you’ll probably recognise them too …

Newton’s First Law of Motion

The Baby will happily remain in the one place unless The Toddler pushes her over.

Newton’s Third Law of Motion

For every action that The Toddler does to The Baby there will be an equal and opposite reaction once The Baby grows up a little bit.


The First Law of Attraction

If there is one thing on the lounge room floor that The Baby shouldn’t touch … she will head to it first and put it straight in her mouth no matter how many purpose-built baby toys are surrounding her.

The Second Law of Attraction

The messier the toy (Play-Doh, 48-piece jigsaw puzzles etc) the more The Toddler will want to play with it. And by ‘play’ I mean whinge about it for 15 minutes, tip it over the floor, play with it for 1.5 minutes then leave it there for The Baby to eat (see The First Law of Attraction).

The Law of Multiple Proportions

The likelihood that a cute outfit will be ruined before you leave the house increases in direct proportion with the cuteness of the outfit, the difficulty in putting it on and the importance of the event you’re attending. It increases in inverse proportion to the amount of time you’ve got before the event starts.

The Law of Mechanics

Never put a Toddler in the driver’s seat of your stationary car unless you’re prepared to spend the next 40 minutes or so in your garage/driveway/front yard.



Energy = morning coffee and then another morning coffee

The Law of Reflection

You’ll encourage The Toddler to say “thanks” about 30 times a day and you’ll be lucky to hear it once. You’ll drop ONE f-bomb ONCE and he’ll either repeat it non-stop all day or save it for a special occasion – like grocery shopping or visiting great grandparents.

Law of Gravitation

This law is The Baby’s favourite. If you drop something from your highchair/pram it falls but always comes back. And if you don’t believe it the first time, try it again… and again … and again …


Sound familiar? What “laws” have you seen at work in your home?

, shalamov/123RF Stock Photo

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