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How to find your mojo post separation

Find your mojo after divorce or separationOK, so during such a potentially horrid time your mojo maybe the last thing on your mind, but perhaps understanding that your mojo is part of ‘you’ may help put more focus on the topic.

‘You’ need to be OK, before other things fall into place (at least that was my experience).

You may be tired of crying over your situation and that feeling of “I don’t know how to move forward” or “how did I get here?”. You may be angry about the place you are at because it is NOT what you planned for.

But if you are at this place (separation), at some point you will need to choose to move on and move forward.

How to get your mojo back post separation

Mojo … what is it? There are many definitions documented however on Urban Dictionary it is defined as: Self-confidence, self-assured. As in basis for belief in ones’ self in a situation.

We might have lost our mojo before the separation or maybe it happened during.

We can only change the future, so let’s start at trying to get it back! Let’s break it down to the following three mojo areas:

1. Your inner mojo

2. Your physical mojo

3. Your intimate mojo

1. Your inner mojo

Beginning with ‘you’ on the inside is what I mean!

“Your vibe attracts your tribe”

One of my most favourite quotes!

During my time of turmoil after the first few months of separation I found that until I made the decision to sink or swim, I wasn’t getting far! Whatever I tried to seemed too hard or a major drama, or just plain overwhelming because I felt so alone. So, I took a few days where I dropped the kids to kinder or school and just focused on coming to the decision of swimming.

The reality was that I had to two young kids who relied on me while my ex went to find himself and start his new life (so was there really a choice?)


  • Make the decision to move forward.
  • Set up a plan that involves steps and priorities so that they are doable.
  • Listen to your favourite music.
  • Go for walks on the beach.
  • Spend time with people who refuel your vibe not consume it.
  • Learning to be alone after being with someone for a along time may take time, so take it step by step.
  • Plan time away with friends for something to look forward to remove the monotony of life.

2. Your physical mojo

Your physical vibe may have taken the back seat due to other priorities such as learning how to get out of bed when your world is crashing around you! BUT, refocusing on getting out and exercising may help! So, begin NEW things.

For someone who had barely left their kids with anyone pre-separation, this is daunting and scary. Staying alone at night for the first few months was scary and lonely. What do you do with the time that you are not prepping for the week ahead when you work full time? When you have finished cooking ahead or completed all the other boring chores? I took up boxing. This gave me a emotional and physical outlet and also provided me with opportunities to make NEW friends!

I had a to fill a whole weekend of lonely kid-free time.


  • Start something new.
  • Make new friends.
  • Do things to make yourself feel in control.
  • Get your hair cut/makeup done/something indulgent.
  • Revamp your style, consider going shopping.

Some people cut their hair, some go on diets, some go crazy buying clothes online (ME!) but this can be liberating and in line with 1+2. I lost a lot of weight as part of the anxiety I suffered with separation so I had to purchase new clothes (at least that was my excuse!).

3. Your intimate mojo

OK, the timing for this point is so different for each person! But perhaps doing 1+2 may naturally progress you to 3.

Dating not only creates a new circle of friends it can also create a distraction while you get through this upheaval. Dating could also bring on more complications, so the option to consider or dive into this is purely personal.

Are you ready to date?


Dating may re-invigorate another type of mojo! Enjoy the journey! You may need to kiss a few frogs to get to a prince or even someone worth spending time with BUT it may be worth it. Or maybe you can just learn how to flirt again.

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