Your partner wants to please you. He wants you to feel good. He wants you to enjoy sex. And it probably gives him a little ego boost when you do.
But sometimes, he’s going to need your help.
There’s a lot of pressure on men to ‘just know’ what they’re doing when it comes to sex. Unfortunately, that means, they’re often left fumbling around in the dark and looking for direction.
I know all this because they tell me in my therapy room, with a mixture of relief and guilt (like they’ve just given away some great male secret).
Men, as I’m sure we know, are not all sex Gods. They try (most of them) but that’s not always enough.
They want more direction, but many of us fail to give it to them. We have good intentions of course, we don’t want to hurt their feelings (read: ego) by telling them that we don’t like what they’re doing.
Help him out and get more of what you want using the sandwich method.
1. Tell him something that you like or appreciate about what he’s doing. Yes – even if you have to make it up!
- Honey, I really love what you’re doing right now!
- I love how soft/strong your hands are.
- I really love when you touch me there.
2. Then tell him how he could make things even better for you by giving him specific suggestions.
- And what would make it even better for me right now is…
- And what would turn me on even more right now is…
- And what would drive me crazy right now is…
- … if you do it just a little harder/softer/faster/slower.
- … if you touch me here instead.
- … If you go back to what you were doing before.
If you’re brave, you can even show him with your own hands exactly how you like something done.
3. Tell him again something you like (particularly if he gets it right!)
- Mmmm, wow that feels amazing!
- Yes, that’s exactly how I like it!
- Oh my god, that feels so good!