Dear Working Co-Parent,
While I love you and respect you enough to co-parent some small human beings together, there are a few things we need to discuss.
First of all, thank you. Thank you for making me a better parent and for earning some money to feed us all. Thank you also for providing a strong role model as an employable, contributing member of society.
However, here are some guidelines if we are going to continue to make this part of our working relationship harmonious:
If the kitchen is full of dishes, don’t assume the worst
I’ve done the dishes. Like 4 times over… the kids just keep eating. And eating and eating. Which I guess is why they’re growing – so yay us!
The kids didn’t watch TV all day
That last hour before you get home is always to hardest. The minis start asking when you’re getting home, I start asking… The kids start screaming and crying, I started screaming and crying. Peppa Pig and the Baby Shark song are gifts from the gods.
Be on time
Optimistically saying you’re going to being home earlier than you actually are is not going buy you any points. None. It might seem like the path of least resistance and most reward during a conversation but will do you no good in the long run. Every minute you do not walk through the door, is a minute less sane I will be.
Don’t pretend work isn’t where you go to relax
I know your place of employment has a coffee machine and intelligent colleagues to discuss any range of television programs. I’ve seen your FB updates.
Remember you got to pee alone today. You have had more privacy in dignity in the last 8 hours that I will be granted in a week. In a month.
When you stay home, it’s called parenting not babysitting
The mini beasts are your kids, too!