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Can sex make him do the vacuuming?

Sex and vacuumingStay with me on this – it’s a valid question and I want to hear your thoughts!

As I mentioned in my last article – “I don’t care if I never have sex again” – women need to feel loved and supported in order to want sex. Men often need sex to feel loved and supported. Lack of help around the house is often cited as a major reason women don’t want sex. They don’t feel supported and sex just feels like one more chore.

Sadly, I often hear from men who come into my practice “Why should I help out more? It doesn’t get me anywhere.”

And so we have classic gridlock …

Both partners are not getting their needs met and both are unwilling to meet their partners needs.  

So where do we go from here?

We have a choice to stay stuck, defending our positions, not giving in to our partner’s needs. Or we can both make an effort, find a compromise and potentially save the relationship.

Not getting sex when you’re horny is kind of like being on a diet. You’re a little more stressed and moody. By day three, you’d give just about anything to be able to eat that last chocolate biscuit that you know is in the back of the cupboard! That’s pretty much how it feels to really want sex and not be able to have it.

When someone isn’t getting the amount of sex they want, it affects their whole life. They are left feeling hurt, unattractive and unloved – it can lead to them being stressed, frustrated and unhappy.

Remember back to the old days – before kids – when a passionate night could leave you glowing for days? Chances are, it’s still like that for your partner. ‘Intimacy’ can boost his confidence and his energy levels helping him feel on top of the world.

He’s more likely to be romantic after an evening of romance, because as we know – sex is a way men feel loved and appreciated. When they do, they want to give back.

I recently treated a client who had barely had sex with her husband in years. Tension was a constant, he worked late and frequent arguments broke out. Within a few weeks of seeing me, her libido had returned – and she arrived to a session one day glowing

“I can’t believe it – we’re closer than we ever have been!  He’s happier, we get along better, and the other night he came home early cooked dinner and put the kids to bed!  That has never happened before!”

Other clients have brought back similar reports.

“I thought you were kidding when you told me having sex would improve our relationship, but you’re right! We talk more and he does do more to help around the house!”

Be willing to be the first to break the gridlock – you might be surprised at the results.

And, if you’re anything like me – watching your partner in the kitchen or doing the vacuuming is a major turn-on!  

Have your say:
Does regular sex lead to him helping more around the house?
What do YOU think? Let us know.

Isiah McKimmie

About Isiah McKimmie

Isiah McKimmie is a Sex and Relationship Coach who has been helping people improve their sex lives and relationships for over six years.  She is a certified Somatic Sex ...

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2 comments so far -

  1. From reading this I think my husband and I swapped brains. It is the opposite for us. If he would just put out a bit more I’d be less testy around him! What’s normal for a couple? I think a couple of times a week is really no big ask. Going for two weeks without anything, I might as well just have my mum move in – she’d be more help with the kids.

    • Hi Miss Horny,

      I feel for you! Not getting the intimacy you want is frustrating and hurtful.

      I think when it comes to sex, there is no ‘normal’. It’s really about working out what works best for you and your partner. This post was definitely a generalisation – in the majority of couples I see they man wants more sex but it definitely goes the other way too!

      Have you tried talking to your partner about it and explaining how you feel? There may be something (physical or emotional) going on for him that reduces his desire levels. See if you can find a way to compromise and work together on it. If you’re still struggling – seek professional help before it’s too late.

      You deserve to have a great relationship.
      Best of luck.

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