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  1. #1
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    Default Should I confront him?

    My ex DH wants reconciliation & we have been going to counselling.

    One thing he was doing was sending SMS messages to a woman who is a 'friend'. He deleted her name out his phone and agreed to no contact.

    I have been checking his bills as they still come to my address, first month there was nothing to that number.

    Then when he was looking after DS I looked in his phone and saw a received phone call from that 'friend', confronted him, and he said that she called to see how he was as she is a friend and he told her not to call again He deletes all outgoing in his phone but must of missed received calls. I said that there was no contact and he wasn't supposed to be txt or anything and he said he wasn't, she rang him.

    The next bill arrived and I opened it and there are 4 txt message for the month to that number two on his birthday, two the day before he received the phone call. I sealed the bill up and gave it to him, he didn't open it in front of me but took it with him when I didn't see.

    What should I do? I think this would show he is still not being honest. What do you think, how do I handle this. Other than this he has been trying hard. If I confront him he will know I opened the bill. Should I just ask to see the bill?

  2. #2
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    Maybe there should be no reconciliation until he can be truely honest with you, and be able to tell you everything. I mean everthing.

    This will be hard for you. Cause how do you know you can believe him?

    This is really hard. Hang in there.

  3. #3
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    sorry but i think you have the right to open it to see if he is telling the truth or not and clearly hes not telling you the truth so i would tell him straight out i did open your phone bill and you have lied to me about talking to this woman i would just be honest with him... as you dont want to get back with him to just keep the lies going....

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    I personally would ask to see the bill. I mean at the end of the day there should be no secrets and if he has nothing to hide then he wont take offense at it.

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    Tell him you opened it and confront him. Say you want to see every single bill from now on if he ever wants you to trust him again.

    If he gets the mailing address for the bill changed then I would be suspcious too.

  6. #6
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    I have been following your threads Debster and am glad that counselling is obviously working so far , even though of course the text messaging and phone calls to this friend are not helping matters of reconciliation.

    This is a real toughie, but it doesn't seem fair to snoop through his bills and not tell him - that's as bad as him accepting phone calls from this friend and not telling you. Reconciliation requires both parties to co-operate fairly (at times impossible i know! especially given how much he has hurt you ). Be upfront hun, regardless of what happens, and good luck

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    Ask to see the bill then see how he reacts to it. If he does let you see it, ask about the numbers and demand an explaination. Good luck hun!

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    Ok lets just forget about the fact that it is a federal law that you cannot open someone else mail.

    I dont know what you Ex DH has done to you to hurt you... But he clearly is still not being honest with you.... you only know this through you not being honest with him....

    I dont think this reconcilation will work as you will always have this distrust and the need to check up on him reading his mil, looking in his phone etc...

    im not trying to sound mean... i am just saying there isnt alot of trust on either side
    Last edited by catalicious; 18-05-2007 at 11:07. Reason: clarrify

  9. #9
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    Grace3 is offline I eat green grass and I give white milk, I'm a ?
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    Lets put the bill aside for a minute. If you DID reconcile do you think you could actually trust him again? I sort of get the feeling no.

    Maybe bring this up to your counselor, see what ideas and views they have.

    I have family member who's DH cheated on her twice with the same women and unfortunately in there situation, the trust never came back. He just got me clever hiding his tracks. Dr Phil was talking about something similar a while back. And the husband had pumped into the other women, but even though nothing happened, he still didn't want his wife to know, DR Phil said he was still ??? sort of lying holding back, he used a particular word, but I don't remember what it was.

    I would confront him. But pick a time when you are relaxed ( I know I would be a crazy women).

    Do you know this other women? were you friends?

    Grace
    Last edited by Grace3; 18-05-2007 at 11:09.

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    i agree with lisa on this one


 

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