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  1. #1
    MilkOnTap's Avatar
    MilkOnTap is offline Rivi Cecilia - my 2nd VBAC Home Birth has arrived!
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    Default Experience with drug addicts? Anyone?

    Hello Ladies. Well, I have an dilemma arising at home and I know that I will get honest advice, opinions and thoughts here. I am going to try and make this as short as possible without leaving out important information.

    2 weeks ago, my husbands aunt (who is 3 months younger than he - 25 years old) moved in with us. She is 'apparantly' a primary school teacher and does call outs. Since living with us she has told me she has 3 jobs - firstly as a teacher. Second, she got a job as a mistress! Yeah - interesting. Then, she told me that she threw that in and got a job at a restaurant at NewTown called Bad Manners (anyone over that way - can you vouch that this place exists?)

    She has told me that her ex-boyfriend (whose father passed away recently and she is still sleeping with) is hooked on morpheine and all sorts of heavy substances. She told me that she isn't on anything. She came home the other night smelling of marijuana. She is never home (has stayed for about 4 or 5 nights total so far) and she is skin and bone.

    Her family are relieved that she is living with DH and I. In other words, they are glad that someone is 'keeping an eye on her'. What am I - her keeper?!?! Her mother called me last night IN TEARS saying she wasn't answering her phone calls etc etc. She said to me "You know that she is involved in drugs, dont you?" as if to say "She IS involved in drugs." Well, no, but thanks for the warning.

    Last night she paid her rent for the past 2 weeks and for the next 2 weeks. I want to talk to her to find out what is going on, but in all honesty, I dont know how. She is family and I want to be there for her. But she needs to realise that if something happened, and drugs were found in our house (which I do NOT WANT) then there goes my husbands career in the navy. Under NO circumstances will we allow drugs in the house. DH's career comes first.

    Any suggestions ladies? I know this is a pretty heated topic, and will probably get various opinions, thoughts and suggestions.

  2. #2
    MilkOnTap's Avatar
    MilkOnTap is offline Rivi Cecilia - my 2nd VBAC Home Birth has arrived!
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    Quote Originally Posted by kevinbudgie
    Theres a Badmanners in Glebe Ally.
    Is Glebe near Newtown? I dont know that side of town.

  3. #3
    Mamaduke's Avatar
    Mamaduke is offline Jacob Louis has arrived!
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    Get rid of her!
    She's not your child, she's someone else's responsibility - you can help but you don't need to have her living under your roof.
    I'm sure that her family is ecstatic that she is your problem now.
    She could not only bring drugs into your home, she could bring her druggie friends and what do druggies do when they're short of money for a 'hit' - they steal.
    And they don't care who they steal from either.
    Your safety and your husband's career (not to mention your possessions) are too important to risk - I would ask her to leave.

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    She doesn't sound like the best person to have around. I wouldn't accept any more rent and would tell her she has to leave before her current amount of rent runs out (so in the next two weeks, if I read your post right). If you believe that she would bring drugs into your house, its not worth it - particularly with your hubbys career on the line. JMO, though.

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    I think one good sign is that she paid 4 weeks rent. With most druggies all their money goes on drugs & parphanalia and they come up with lame excuses why they cant pay - the excuses usually contain something to make you sympathetic (ie I got fired for no reason, b/f stole money, etc) to stop you focusing on the real reason they have no money. My ex (b****ard) told me huge sob stories about paying extra child support to his ex - he lied, I paid. Then I found out!!

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    ps - I quite liked Badde manors when I lived in Newtown - it is in Glebe - kinda funky alternative!

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    Ally pm me if you wish ..... I am a family member of an addict and have dealt with all sorts growing up.

    But in general you need to be up front with her and tell her that if she chooses to be around drugs that is HER choice but you don't want anything to do with her and her associates. Tell her that if she IS involved and WANTS help then you will help her on YOUR TERMS. BUT your dh needs to sit her down and explain that he loves her to pieces but if she is involved in the scene he can lose his job and that is not something that he is prepared to do.


    If you try to talk to her about all this and she gets defensive from the get go .... tell her to leave your house and come back when she wants to let it go. The biggest thing i have learnt though is that everyone deserves a second chance, how far you are willing to bend to give them it though is totally up to you!!

    Call the counselling hotlines and ask them for the support number for families of addicts group and ask their advice as well. I was 16 and on the phone to them everyday for a while .... they were great!!!

  8. #8
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    My sister had a substance abuse problem and was acting in much the same way as your DH's Aunt. I am ANTI-DRUGS so I just want to get that out in the open straight away.

    My sister (let's call her Betty*) was going out heaps and telling LOTS of lies. Was very secretive and getting quite thin.

    No matter what my family did Betty* was determined not to let us in or get help. At the worst point she came home at about midnight one night (early for her) and she was high. Mum confronted her and Betty* got really violent with Mum which woke me up. I couldnt get Betty* off my Mum so I called some family members who love close by to come and help.

    When they arrived they managed to get her to clam down a bit and she was confronted by all of us and was basically shamed into telling us what was going on. Which included confessions of how she has stolen from her workplace and was about to be fired.

    Now Betty* is still a rebel type but no where near what she was. I think it was us confronting her that made her realise that people do love her and care what happens to her. It was her 'wake up' call I guess.

    I really do hope that your Aunt gets some help. Confronting her with some Family might be an idea. It is tough though. Feel free to Pm me cos I know how it feels.

    Take care,

  9. #9
    Mummabear is offline Gone.....and no doubt already forgotten
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    Hi Ally,

    I agree with Carlyb. Here is my experience for you, but make your own decisions as to what is best for your family. I'll try and make this short....

    My ex-best friend was like family to me, we were very close. She got involved in drugs. Her involvement progressively got worse and worse. She would bring her drug friends to our house and they would sit out the back and take their drug of choice (shoot up, snort, drink, etc). She lost all respect for me and my family (this was all pre-baby BTW, I would never stand for it with children around). She is 30 and still living with her parents because she can't get her life sorted out and they just let her do what she wants. I gave her an ultimatum, me or the drugs. She chose the drugs. Her family went totally bezerk at me as they suddenly realised that they would now have to deal with her instead of me. The final straw for me was when she left a drug that looks like water, in a water bottle in the back of our friends car who has kids and the kid picked up the water bottle and went to drink out of it until his Mum (luckily) thought quick and knew that she didn't drink that brand of water and put two and two together. She had to put all that together in a matter of seconds as her little boy was unscrewing the cap. Just one mouthful of this drug would have killed him. When our friend didn't see the issue with this (as no one got hurt!!) that's when I knew it was time to move on.

    I guess what I'm trying to say is that no matter what your relationship is with someone involved in drugs they will pull you down with them, and everything you hold dear. At the end of the day, she's not your responsibility. She's a grown up and she needs to stand up on her own. If she has 3 jobs has no trouble coming up with the money for rent then why isn't she standing on her own two feet? And for the record, drug users do often encounter large amounts of cash - they sometimes buy cheap from a friend and then sell off to get extra cash, etc.

    If it were me I would stand my ground and let her know that if she needs help then you will offer her support that doesn't put your family at risk. If she doesn't have a drug problem then it's not going to hurt her to learn to stand on her own and be independant anyway - she's 25 for g*d sake. You also don't need her stress if you're TTC.
    Last edited by Mummabear; 21-12-2005 at 17:20.

  10. #10
    MilkOnTap's Avatar
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    Lara - you are so right.

    All of you are right!

    I need to lay this one to rest ASAP - otherwise her stay could become less than welcome.

    At the same time - her sister died of a drug overdose. I think I missed that crucial point before. Her whole family are worried that she is going to end the same way.

    I am off now to go home - hopefully she will be there and we can have a nice long heart-to-heart.

    Wish me luck ladies - and thank you all again for your suggestions!


 

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