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  1. #1
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    Default What to do when you tell them off, and they tell you off back!!!!

    Ok, firstly, to everyone I havent been intouch with, sowwy, been mad busy. I just need some desperate help with Anna at the moment. She is seriously driving me insane.

    I wanted to ask anyone who has a 2 year old, or round that age, or has been through the terrible 2's, a question.

    When you get down to their level, use an authorative voice to tell them not to do something etc.......what do you do when they copy you and tell you off back????

    Ei, I will get down and tell Anna firmly to NOT PUSH PEOPLE. Before I have finished telling her not to do it, she's pointing her finger at me and shouting at me to not push......!!! I tell her not to shout but I guess shes just copying me when i raise my voice when telling her off...


    Anyone know how to handle this? Do I ignore it, do i tell her to not copy me???
    It's so silly, we actualy ended up in an argument as im telling her not to do something, and shes telling me not to do it.

    Iv tried just ignoring it. I havent tried time out when she does it as I dont know how to explain to her what she is doing wrong. "dont give mummy attitude?'

    Do I ignore it and just concentrate on telling her off for the thing she did in the first place, or do i leave that and deal with the fact she is now shouting and pointing her finger at me???????


    I know this is long and a bit complicated to explain, but I so need help with this.

    It's everytime I try and discipline her now.
    I can't just leave it and hope she will grow out of it.It's driving me up the wall!! Its just feels like im constantly telling her off. Even when we sit on the floor and play together, she has to ruin it and start snatching and throwing, which means i tell her off, which means she tells me off and starts shouting and screaming. Even when i try to reason with her, distact her, she knows what im doing and just starts. She wants her own way alllll the time.

    She just looks like a little ball of anger. She told me off and shouted so loudly today that DH swears he saw a vein bulge in her neck!!!

    How can I tell her off for telling me off, when I tell her off??????????

    I know some of you are having problems with your 2 yr olds........have you come across anything like this and how did you deal with it??

    Please take time out to help me..............

  2. #2
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    I think you're right in that she is copying you. So to me the most important thing is to make sure you yourself are always calm. Instead of telling her off, like if she behaves badly during a game, just calmly tell her that you won't play if she's going to hit/snatch and follow through. When she then throws a tantrum (as she will) ignore it for a few minutes. When she pauses in her yelling to gauge your reaction, stay calm & get down to her level (out of hitting range) and remind her that you'll play if she doesn't hit/snatch. At the same time, when she does sit down and play nicely for even a few minutes give her lots of praise for it. Even if you've just been playing for a minute, give her praise before she has a chance to act out badly.

    It's going to take a week or more of you and your DH consistently responding to her in this different way before her behaviour changes, but it will. She will figure out quickly that you don't tolerate bad behaviour, that she can't get a reaction out of you that way but that if she's good you're going to give her lots of attention.


  3. #3
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    Don't let her get the upper hand by flustering you. Be assertive and put her in time out if she does something like that. Teach her that it is a serious thing for her to disrespect her mother and will not be tolerated. If it happens when you are out or something, postpone the discipline til you get back home. HTH

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    im going through this right now with my little fella and well i do time out for both of us...lol he is pointing the finger and saying don,t or the dredded shut up, to be honest i find playgroup about the only outing oh and the park for us right at this stage.
    when at home and it gets to that point, i pick him up from whatever he and me are doing, put him in the pram and go of walking and most times 20 minutes later he is asleep so i think when he gets to the mimic argumentive time he is sleepy, i find it happens early morning and of course late arvo and thats what i have been doing. It is a stage and these kiddies are very smart and know what buttons to push..lol as for them playing with you or others, well they don,t they play along side you and others, deep breaths and try not to argue with the terrible 2,s as they will win...lol goodluck

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    Thanks for the speedy responses girls. What you all said sounds like a very good plan.....now to just put it into action......

    Martha im going to print off your post and stick it to my wall, just to make me take a breather and read it when she gets really bad. Thanks.

    I know it sounds so simple to do when it's written down, but when you are in the middle of a huge tantrum/screaming situation, it's hard to always know what the correct thing to do is.

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    for you Natasha!

    I am going through this as well so I know how you feel. It is true also to keep calm during tantrum episodes....

    I will also try these suggestions too. Hope it goes well for you Natasha!

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    I agree with Martha.

    I do the same sort of thing - I get down at his level and actually talk to him about it. EG: If he pushes someone, I'll first of all get him to admit that he did it (ask some of the BH girls who were at my house a couple of weeks ago - this can sometimes take a while... )

    Then I will say - 'Would you like it if Mummy pushed you?" He will always say "No". Then I'll say "Exactly - we don't push in this house, that wasn't very nice" and get him to apologise. I also ask him why he felt that he had to push etc.

    I don't raise my voice with him unless I have absolutely exhausted other options. I've found that talking to him and respecting that he has feelings and a point of view has really eased his frustrations and it works pretty well.

    It does take a while though and it certainly takes consistency.
    Last edited by rynosmum; 03-04-2007 at 14:17.

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by rynosmum View Post
    Then I will say - 'Would you like it if Mummy pushed you?" He will always say "No". Then I'll say "Exactly - we don't push in this house, that wasn't very nice" and get him to apologise. I also ask him why he felt that he had to push etc.
    That's what I do everytime and 95% of the time it stops her behaviour and I do think she really understands why not to do it.
    Just stay clam, get down to her level and try and work out what SHE is thinking, what SHE is feeling.
    Good luck
    xx

  9. #9
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    Sorry to hijack but what do you do if you try to talk to your tantrum throwing 2yo & they answer that yes, they would like it if I pushed/hit/pinched etc?

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    hehe, that made me laugh RB.

    I've had that on occasion, and on those times I odn't think DD was understanding what I was saying.

    Do you think she doesn't understand (in which case reasoning is really hard to use there) or she is maybe testing you?


 

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