+ Reply to Thread
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 13
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jul 2018
    Posts
    122
    Thanks
    1
    Thanked
    21
    Reviews
    0

    Default How to feel less stressed and actually enjoy parenting

    Any single parents out there who have any tips? Or any parents for that matter? I feel extremely stressed all the time. Almost like chronic stress over the years is making me crazy (had quite a few ****ty things happen over 6 years). I feel rushed all the time because if I don’t do everything quickly one of the kids will tantrum or fight and even the basics won’t get done and there’s certainly no one that will pick up where I left off! I’m sooo tired from stress. My 7 year old has autism diagnosed last year so is up until 10:30 most nights so there is never any time to catch up on things. I also spend time playing with my kids so they don’t feel ignored like I felt growing up. Most of the time I just want to run away from this life or just hide under a rock for a bit. I find parenting my kids very depressing most of the time. The walk home from school they whinge, fight (autistic son can be aggressive), youngest screams because she’s tired, I end up with bikes piled on the pram and embarrassed because another judgy school
    Mum has seen my son slap his brother’s head. Ive never seen any kids act like mine walking home, the neighbours kids are quiet and I just feel like an outsider. I guess after this rant my question is how the hell did you feel more zen and actually enjoy parenting? It’s upsetting that I only find snippets of parenting enjoyable. Thanks

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jul 2015
    Posts
    15,433
    Thanks
    11,216
    Thanked
    10,967
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 postsRuby Star - 15,000 posts

    Default How to feel less stressed and actually enjoy parenting

    no advice but couldn’t read and run. i’m not a single mum but i empathize with most of what you’ve said, my ds is 5 and we’ve just found out he’s got asd, so there’s a bit to navigate there. i totally get the doing things fast before the kids get bored or start to fight. i always feel like i’m operating at a level of stress. i find it exhausting. having the single parent aspect must be really really tough, not being able to lean on a partner to get even a small break. i’m so sorry you’re struggling. are you in vic? it’s even harder in lockdowns as there’s limited activities available. if you’re not already a member, autism parents australia is a good fb support group for asd parents. i’ve recently joined and everyone is super supportive. it may be helpful in making you feel less isolated and alone in the daily struggles xx
    Last edited by turquoisecoast; 10-08-2021 at 10:17.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Posts
    3,844
    Thanks
    781
    Thanked
    1,496
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Calm Parents Happy Kids by Dr Laura Markham. It’s available on Audible too and such a useful parenting resource for me!

    I also have a child with ASD and know how tense and stressful it can be to parent. Not to mention draining.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Posts
    5,810
    Thanks
    2,439
    Thanked
    3,979
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Not a single parent either, my DH is a workaholic but I know that isn't the same. This year I'm working full time (teacher - dealing with Vic lockdowns etc), been through cancer diagnosis and treatment and about to start the Autism diagnosis process with my 8yo DS (already DX with ADHD and anxiety). I mention all this only so you know that I understand stress!

    You've really been through a lot this past couple of years, so please try not to add mummy guilt about not enjoying parenting on top of it all. You will still be processing the trauma of your relationship breakdown (and if I remember rightly being gaslighted by a very nasty MIL?) and it's OK if everything feels Iike a struggle while you heal from that.

    A few small tips that may (or may not) help.

    Make a list of your priorities and put them in order. Eg. Is the kids eating vegetables every day more important or less important than them having screen free time? Or is doing exercise more or less important than a clean toilet? That way you can make concious choices about all the 'time trade offs' that are inevitable - it is impossible to do it all. I find that by being clear on my priorities, I then don't feel guilty for example if I spent the afternoon just playing with my kids and we eat Mac n cheese for dinner. Because I know enjoyable time with my kids is higher on my list than healthy dinners every night.

    Rest. Guilt free rest.
    This has been a personal priority of mine that I'm working on. It's not that I'm necessarily resting more than I used to, it's that I'm not letting the guilty feelings of all the things I 'should' be doing creep in. I tell myself that I'm choosing to rest and that is OK.
    I think we're very inclined to think we need to fit in more things (yoga, meditation, walking, coffee with friends) for our 'wellbeing', but don't allow ourselves just to enjoy doing NOTHING!

    Melatonin. DS started on this about a month ago as he also wouldn't go to sleep until 10.30-11pm. He doesn't have night waking issues -it doesn't help for that. It's awesome so far. Having him asleep by 8-8.30 means I get time to switch off from being a mum before bed. In the past I was staying up way too late just to enjoy some precious peace and quiet. It also makes him want to go to bed, so no more bedtime arguments. He only needs about 1mg (I cut a 5mg gummy into 4) and his paediatrician prescribed it (and told me to buy it on iHerb, lol!).

    Pick your battles, but remember that sometimes the easy route makes for a bigger problem down the track. Sometimes you have to let your kid throw an epic tantrum right in front of the judgey-mums because you know if you give in right now, you'll be setting a precedent that you don't want.

    I agree to find some good autism spaces and Facebook is full of groups. Personally, I prefer the autistic-led spaces rather than the autism-parent led spaces as they give me more insight into the world as my son sees it (plus, I can see quite a few autistic traits in myself so I like the direct way that many autistic people write their advice). However be prepared to question everything about your parenting, as everyone has a view on everything!!

  5. The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Stretched For This Useful Post:

    Fi Poledancer (24-08-2021),JasperRoad (11-08-2021),Kalina (10-08-2021),Sirena89 (18-08-2021)

  6. #5
    Join Date
    Jul 2018
    Posts
    122
    Thanks
    1
    Thanked
    21
    Reviews
    0
    Thanks for your responses. Wow, stretched I bet you’re feeling stressed with that amount of stuff going on. I hope you’re ok? It’s a lot to take in when you add an ASD diagnosis process too.

    I joined the ASD support for Aussie Mums Facebook group and they have been great so far. I think I’ve just had so many things happen over the years that I go between being on high alert and extremely stressed to feeling numb, hating most people (especially people who have seemingly easy lives) and generally not giving a ****. I used to love life so I hate feeling like this.

    It’s definitely a game changer if my oldest falls asleep earlier but he struggles even on Melatonin. He’s been on 3mg for a while (prescribed by Paediatrician) but it doesn’t seem to work anymore. Ive tried giving him an extra half but he feels sick the next day (Dr suggested to try). Ive also got some from iherb as well. My son is now verbalising that he’s frustrated at himself because he’s so tired but can’t sleep. I’m no stranger to trying a million different tactics with my son so I’ll just keep trying other things to get him to sleep earlier! I know I’m stressed because I have eczema on my face and I don’t normally get eczema. I want to scream and get away from this stress!

    In saying all that I do feel a bit better today because I didn’t work an extra shift and did some chores and youtube yoga instead!

    Thanks again everyone. It’s nice to know I’m not alone in feeling overwhelmed. A lot of my friend’s kids are generally good kids and a bit older so they don’t feel the struggles that I feel.

  7. The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Happymummy5 For This Useful Post:

    Fi Poledancer (24-08-2021),Sirena89 (18-08-2021),Stretched (15-08-2021),turquoisecoast (12-08-2021)

  8. #6
    Join Date
    Feb 2018
    Posts
    211
    Thanks
    64
    Thanked
    124
    Reviews
    0
    It must be some sort of phenomenon...when my toddler is acting like a wild animal who hasn't fed for a week, every other kid is like some amalgamation between Shirley Temple and baby Jesus 🤔

  9. #7
    Join Date
    Apr 2017
    Posts
    899
    Thanks
    384
    Thanked
    859
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts

    Default How to feel less stressed and actually enjoy parenting

    I’m juggling four but the three younger ones I share custody with their dad but it’s still full on.

    I think simplifying life any way you can is important. Taking time out for you to do something you enjoy like going to the movies or having a nice lunch by yourself. Keep things simple. Coffee helps but without a balance in life it can be overwhelming and just too much.

    I find having a garden and being close to a park helpful to just let them loose and I can sit down for 5 minutes. Though that’s impossible when it’s summer in Qld as it’s too hot to be out so moving somewhere cooler soon hopefully. It will become more enjoyable as they grow and become more independent. I have a 15 year old so I already know that this will get easier and it can be really fun as they get to maybe 8 and up lol life slows down abit more.
    I honestly don’t think I could survive if I had to do this full time without co parenting.
    Also having goals for yourself and working towards them even if it’s very slowly can be uplifting.

    Also I enjoy travelling and leaving the kids with their dad as I think it’s good to have time out but that’s hard to do at the moment and i only tend to do that once a year, I don’t know if that’s even a possibility for you but if it is, do it. Even if it’s just somewhere nearby that you haven’t been to before. Life needs to be about you aswell as the kids.
    Last edited by MuMtORiLeYandLeO; 18-08-2021 at 10:43.

  10. The Following User Says Thank You to MuMtORiLeYandLeO For This Useful Post:

    turquoisecoast (19-08-2021)

  11. #8
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Posts
    659
    Thanks
    522
    Thanked
    563
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by Stretched View Post
    Not a single parent either, my DH is a workaholic but I know that isn't the same. This year I'm working full time (teacher - dealing with Vic lockdowns etc), been through cancer diagnosis and treatment and about to start the Autism diagnosis process with my 8yo DS (already DX with ADHD and anxiety). I mention all this only so you know that I understand stress!

    You've really been through a lot this past couple of years, so please try not to add mummy guilt about not enjoying parenting on top of it all. You will still be processing the trauma of your relationship breakdown (and if I remember rightly being gaslighted by a very nasty MIL?) and it's OK if everything feels Iike a struggle while you heal from that.

    A few small tips that may (or may not) help.

    Make a list of your priorities and put them in order. Eg. Is the kids eating vegetables every day more important or less important than them having screen free time? Or is doing exercise more or less important than a clean toilet? That way you can make concious choices about all the 'time trade offs' that are inevitable - it is impossible to do it all. I find that by being clear on my priorities, I then don't feel guilty for example if I spent the afternoon just playing with my kids and we eat Mac n cheese for dinner. Because I know enjoyable time with my kids is higher on my list than healthy dinners every night.

    Rest. Guilt free rest.
    This has been a personal priority of mine that I'm working on. It's not that I'm necessarily resting more than I used to, it's that I'm not letting the guilty feelings of all the things I 'should' be doing creep in. I tell myself that I'm choosing to rest and that is OK.
    I think we're very inclined to think we need to fit in more things (yoga, meditation, walking, coffee with friends) for our 'wellbeing', but don't allow ourselves just to enjoy doing NOTHING!

    Melatonin. DS started on this about a month ago as he also wouldn't go to sleep until 10.30-11pm. He doesn't have night waking issues -it doesn't help for that. It's awesome so far. Having him asleep by 8-8.30 means I get time to switch off from being a mum before bed. In the past I was staying up way too late just to enjoy some precious peace and quiet. It also makes him want to go to bed, so no more bedtime arguments. He only needs about 1mg (I cut a 5mg gummy into 4) and his paediatrician prescribed it (and told me to buy it on iHerb, lol!).

    Pick your battles, but remember that sometimes the easy route makes for a bigger problem down the track. Sometimes you have to let your kid throw an epic tantrum right in front of the judgey-mums because you know if you give in right now, you'll be setting a precedent that you don't want.

    I agree to find some good autism spaces and Facebook is full of groups. Personally, I prefer the autistic-led spaces rather than the autism-parent led spaces as they give me more insight into the world as my son sees it (plus, I can see quite a few autistic traits in myself so I like the direct way that many autistic people write their advice). However be prepared to question everything about your parenting, as everyone has a view on everything!!
    Thank you for this.
    The bit where you say to pick the priorities was just what I needed to read for my brain to make sense- I too often feel pulled in so many directions, trying to accomplish everything and feeling guilty when I don’t, and a dailure when my kids misbehave.. why do we pressure ourselves so much?

    Hugs to OP xx

  12. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Sirena89 For This Useful Post:

    MuMtORiLeYandLeO (18-08-2021),Stretched (19-08-2021)

  13. #9
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Posts
    5,810
    Thanks
    2,439
    Thanked
    3,979
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by Sirena89 View Post
    Thank you for this.
    The bit where you say to pick the priorities was just what I needed to read for my brain to make sense- I too often feel pulled in so many directions, trying to accomplish everything and feeling guilty when I don’t, and a dailure when my kids misbehave.. why do we pressure ourselves so much?

    Hugs to OP xx
    I know! We just feel like we have to be doing it all (perfectly) but that just can't happen!

    I'm working really hard on not letting guilt creep in and seeing the things that I am winning at rather than focusing on what I haven't been able to fit in/do well.

    I'm home sick today and DH was getting DS ready for school. DH made a comment to DS that mum hasn't been teaching him to tie his laces when DS said I just do it for him. The guilt started creeping in but then I stopped it. NO! I get up 2 hours before we need to leave each morning just to do all the things that need to be done. I am not getting up further 15 minutes earlier each morning, plus making DS lose 15 minutes sleep, so we can have a shoelace tying lesson every morning. I will teach him in the freaking holidays as I planned to! The world isn't ending because my child can't tie his laces yet.

  14. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Stretched For This Useful Post:

    Fi Poledancer (24-08-2021),Sirena89 (19-08-2021)

  15. #10
    Join Date
    Jun 2018
    Posts
    944
    Thanks
    484
    Thanked
    1,236
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by Stretched View Post
    I know! We just feel like we have to be doing it all (perfectly) but that just can't happen!

    I'm working really hard on not letting guilt creep in and seeing the things that I am winning at rather than focusing on what I haven't been able to fit in/do well.

    I'm home sick today and DH was getting DS ready for school. DH made a comment to DS that mum hasn't been teaching him to tie his laces when DS said I just do it for him. The guilt started creeping in but then I stopped it. NO! I get up 2 hours before we need to leave each morning just to do all the things that need to be done. I am not getting up further 15 minutes earlier each morning, plus making DS lose 15 minutes sleep, so we can have a shoelace tying lesson every morning. I will teach him in the freaking holidays as I planned to! The world isn't ending because my child can't tie his laces yet.
    Lol, if I overheard my DH make that comment he would very quickly be in charge of putting my DD’s shoes on permanently! Maybe your DH wants to teach DS to teach him how to tie his laces haha.

    Yes there’s so much pressure to be perfect but you’re right - don’t let perfect be the enemy of good


 

Similar Threads

  1. How to feel less fugly while pregnant
    By sunnygirl79 in forum Pregnancy & Birth General Chat
    Replies: 32
    Last Post: 16-10-2015, 21:13
  2. DNA and how you feel?
    By tobmac in forum General Chat
    Replies: 9
    Last Post: 18-01-2008, 21:30
  3. Help - feeling upset/stressed and need advice
    By greengables in forum Pregnancy & Birth General Chat
    Replies: 13
    Last Post: 10-09-2007, 07:42

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

FEATURED SUPPORTER
Impressionable KidsImpressionable Kids are Australia's leader in framed children's memorabilia and specialise in framed baby hand and feet ...

ADVERTISEMENT