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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jan 2018

    Default Lending money to family..and not receiving payment back

    I have a very good relationship with my older brother. He has been a good support for me in my life. His wife, is ok, but she doesn't particularly like me. I treat her well and have come to accept her the way she is.

    My brother visits with me every fortnight as I am alone(have gone through a lot of trauma and grief).
    She can't understand why he wants to support me.

    Anyway, some months ago, my brother sent me an email asking to borrow over $900 because he needed help in paying his car registration. He leases a car through his work.
    He told me the car had to be registered on the Wed and he didn't get paid until Thursday.
    In good faith, I lent him the money.

    He and his wife have good -paying jobs but she is helping support her sister financially(who lives overseas). That is their business and I think it's nice they do that.

    I am not working and receiving benefits and have done so for five years. The benefits i receive pay for my rent and I live off my savings.

    I have not shared this all with my brother. Well, he knows I receive a centrelink payment but I don't tell him much about my savings. This money I have put away to help me survie, pay bills, food. I live a very basic life. I don't go on holidays, don't eat out, don't go to movies or shows. Basically, I am in survival like most Aussies.

    He did pay me back the $900, as promised. He told me his wife handles all of the finances/banking.

    On 21 June, he had to have his beautiful little cat put down. I am a big cat lover and i was upset but supported his decision as his cat was suffering.
    He told me his wife had to get her car registered and he needed to borrow $255 from me.
    As I loved the cat as much as he did, I offered to donate $100 to help pay for that.
    The vet was coming to his home as he didn't want to put her through stress in the car.
    He told me, 'thanks very much, but no, it's ok, you keep your money and we will pay you back soon'.
    He kept on asking me for the money in an email and I sent it to him (through internet banking).
    He kept me up to date with what was going on. I felt pretty sad about the whole thing - losing his beautiful furbaby.

    He sent me an email and told me they were paying me back on 26 June which was a Saturday. I saw him on the Friday as he came to my place for dinner.
    He asked me if his wife had put the money into my account yet.
    I replied, "no, not yet, because you told me 26 June.
    I asked if they had my banking details and he said - 'yes, from last time'
    While he was there, his wife phone him and asked him if they could go to the fish markets on Saturday. He told her no, due to covid restrictions.
    He told me that, every three months, she goes to the fish market and stocks up on 3 months supply of fish. I figured, well, they must be doing ok finanically.

    The money didn 't go into my account.
    I saw him briefly the next Tuesday and just said, 'Oh, I hope you have the right details for my bank as the money hasn't gone in yet, and i am concerned it might have gone somewhere else'.

    He replied, 'do you need the money, right NOW?"

    I said, "oh, no, not right now". I do have bills/expenses coming up soon.

    He then said, 'I'll ask my wife if she has put it in'.

    He never got back to me. He sends me emails and talks about other things, the weather, covid, what is happening at work'.

    $255 is a lot of money for me. I pay the same amount of rent as him and I manage my money ok. Although, I live alone, I still have bills like everyone else, especially now, with Covid, having to order everything online.

    He never mentioned the money again, never asked if I had received it or how or when his wife put it into my account.

    I love my brother and I feel a bit 'used' or taken advantage of.
    I don't want to keep asking. I actually felt bad asking the last time.

    It's not so much about the money(although it would help me) but I feel disrespected and kept in the dark.

    I also feel like I have done the wrong thing, maybe enabling them by giving them the money. I am even ok(now) about him just paying me back $150 or so and see the difference as a donation.

    I knew his cat was suffering and I didn't want her to keep suffering.

    I don't know whether they are wanting me to just it go.
    They both receive good wages.
    I love my brother, but can't help feel a little dis-respected, given, that he often says how hard it must be on my own, without a job and having to manage everything on my own.

    What can or should I do.

    I don't feel lead to lend them anymore money. Infact, I probably can't afford to.

    Sorry, this post is so long.
    Last edited by Gumnut222; 10-07-2021 at 01:08. Reason: change a word

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    I'm sorry he's put you in a horrible situation.

    Personally, I think you need to ask him for the money again, and be a but more firm in your approach. If he could beg and nag you, you should do the same with him.

    I personally wouldn't lend them any money again. They need to learn to live within their means. I understand things coming up, and that's fine, but you should pay it back ASAP, or when you said you would, OR offer a reasonable explanation and follow it up...

  3. The Following User Says Thank You to EnchantedGrace For This Useful Post:

    Gumnut222 (10-07-2021)

  4. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2018

    Default thank you

    Thank you.
    i have to try and find a way to sound like i am not nagging, but, i know what you mean.
    I want us to have a good friendship and don't want money to get in the way

    Thanks again

    Sometimes i hope that i am sounding like someone who loves money and is greedy

  5. #4
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Maybe tell him some unexpected expense has come up and ask if he could please transfer the money by the next day?

  6. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to bezzy For This Useful Post:

    Gumnut222 (10-07-2021),gypsychild (11-07-2021)

  7. #5
    Join Date
    Jan 2018
    yep, thanks, actually i am going to tell him to keep $100 (which is a donation) as originally i wanted to do and pay back the difference. Thanks posters for your advice, and comments.

  8. The Following User Says Thank You to Gumnut222 For This Useful Post:

    bezzy (11-07-2021)


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