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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mod-DJ Nette View Post
    I only have one, DD who is now 7. I guess I had always planned to have 2, but that’s not how things worked out. Now though I am more than happy with one, and have no regrets.

    We did IVF for 8 years before finally falling with DD. Then my pregnancy was awful and both DD and I almost died.

    By then I was almost 38 and I just couldn’t go through more IVF and another pregnancy.

    DD is amazing and I love that it’s just us. We don’t have precedents, it doesn’t matter if she has a party every year (or not), gets more (or less) for Christmas etc. also it’s easier to travel with just one.

    I read a great book called One and Only by Lauren Sandler. It’s worth a read.
    Thank you so much for sharing your experience. And thank you for the book recommendation, will have a look at that. I’m sorry to hear of the hard time you went through to get your DD, it makes having them that much more special.

  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by Beary View Post
    Having siblings is good if you get along with them.

    Me and my brother have a terrible relationship and I spent much of my childhood wishing I was an only child.

    Not sure if that helps, but don’t automatically think that giving your kiddo a sibling is always the “best way”.
    You have a very good point. And something I completely understand. Sibling differences only seem to magnify as they get older as well. It’s really just luck of the draw.

  3. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by AdornedWithCats View Post
    We stopped trying for a second after 4 years.

    I read a great book recently called "One and only" by Lauren Sandler. She dispels a lot of the myths of only children and explains the benefit (e.g., more parental focus/undivided attention). I found it very reassuring as I never set out to have an only child. I always thought I'd have at least 2. I also realised the only reason for having a second was for a sibling for ds.

    Now I am ok with my decision to stop trying.
    Thank you for the book recommendation also, i’ll have to see if I can get this at my local library. My desire for another child keeps getting smaller and smaller with every loss we have. Part of a coping mechanism I am sure.

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  5. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by MLadyEm View Post
    My nephew is an only child. My sister had a traumatic birth with him so from that point was only going to have one. She was diagnosed with cervical cancer just over a year ago and she and her DH were told that if she wanted another baby, the cancer was slow growing that they had time for another baby if they wanted but it had to be NOW. They started toying with the idea. Within a month, the advice changed and she had a total hysterectomy at the ripe old age of 36. Despite that month of almost going for a second baby, they still feel happy in their earlier decision to just have the one. He gets a lot of one on one time with both my sister and my parents. Not sure how much one on one time my BIL has with him though. BIL has some health/MH issues and I’m just not sure my sister could go through the baby stage again with BIL the way he is. I think there is some moments of regret, but only because there’s no cousins around for him to grow up with. BIL has a poor relationship with his sister, so they’re not in contact with her 4 kids and we live in a different state. I think if we all lived near each other, the lack of siblings wouldn’t be an issue because he’d be growing up with my kids. BUT by all accounts, I don’t think my nephew ever feels like he’s missing out by being an only child. He’s a happy kid with lots of friends and he doesn’t have to share his things!
    Thank you for sharing your sister’s experience, trauma surrounding the birth or having losses seems to be a common reason for having only children. I guess we just try to protect what we have so much and protect ourselves from experiencing these heartaches that is why this seems like a common choice.

  6. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by babyno1onboard View Post
    I have one child, at times I think we should have had another child but the reality is that it’s not going to happen so I had the choice of either being miserable and constantly thinking about it and how things could have been different OR make the best possible life I can with my one child. I don’t want to be flippant about it and it took a LOT of soul searching to get to this point and be ok with things.

    I think the pros are as others have said that you have more time, energy and resources to support your child. I think DD does get a bit lonely and at times would like a sibling close in age to her (she has two much older half siblings) but I put a lot of effort into arranging play dates etc with children her age. I also play with her a lot trying to fill that void and I hope this will make us closer in the long run.
    Thank you for sharing lovely, I too try and play with my daughter alot to fill that void and we are so close, all three of us, we are inseparable, i guess i also just worry how large the cap is becoming with each loss. I guess i have alot of soul searching to do as well.

  7. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elevatormusic View Post
    I have an only child. I had planned for two but about a year into motherhood, I realised I wasn't cut out for more kids. My 2 year old is high energy and always has been and I think...well, I can be a stressed out, mentally and physically drained parent of 2 children, or a better parent to one. She'll miss out on some things but she'll gain in other areas. I didn't want to have another just for her sake because there are no guarantees on what kind of relationship they'll end up having despite our best efforts. If I was going to have a second, it would be out of strong personaldesire to go through it all again. And I definitely don't have that.
    I completely understand, and i guess everyones reasons are different, we just have to do what’s best for ourselves and our own family.

  8. #17
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    Thank you so much for everyone who replied. I am not very good with words when replying to everyone individually.

    I guess Hubby and I have alot of thinking to do. We are just scared of looking back with regret but also pushing things and somehow regretting that as well.

    If only we all had crystal balls but I know that isnt how the world works. It’s always about taking risks and deciding on what the best path for your family and individual circumstances are.

    For now, we are just going to continue loving on and spoiling our daughter with as much love as we have to give and hopefully have a clear path forward. Thinking everyone else out there who are struggling atm.

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  10. #18
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    All my friends with one child have really intelligent, well rounded children. They are able to give their children focused attention and are able to afford to give them some pretty amazing experiences, it’s also easier with childcare if you are working. Although I love my two, I can really see the benefit of having only one.

  11. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by Squrchi View Post
    All my friends with one child have really intelligent, well rounded children. They are able to give their children focused attention and are able to afford to give them some pretty amazing experiences, it’s also easier with childcare if you are working. Although I love my two, I can really see the benefit of having only one.
    Thank you for sharing

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    My story is a mixture of all the other replies here, we had 9 years of fertility treatments including IVF before I had a massive tantrum and just gave up and walked away from it all.... I fell pregnant naturally about a month later by some absolute sheer miracle.
    We knew the chances of their being a second would be slim to none but decided to give it a go when my son was about a year old - tried for 18 months but a very relaxed approach and it didn’t happen.

    My son is now 3.5yo and is just go go go from the minute he wakes up to the minute he goes to bed, he is exhausting and I realised very early on that I’m not really the nurturing mothering kind (I grew up with an alcoholic for a mother who made it very clear to me daily that I was a mistake and she hated me) so I guess I never learned the basics a mother should offer a child, like LOVE?

    Don’t get me wrong - I love my son with all my heart and the idea of a second comes up occasionally with hubby and our attitude is pretty much “if it happens it happens” but I just don’t have the same urge to have a second one like I did to have my first to be completely honest.
    Hubby and I both have jobs we love and are in a good place financially and that means we are all able to have nice things when we want them (without over the top spoiling DS) and a second may change that. We are happy with where we are at now but will change and adapt if a second little miracle did decide to join us.

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