Do you have a good relationship with your mother?

[turquoisecoast]

Wow. Both of these posts describe my mother and my childhood to a T.

I'm seriously reading these two posts.

My mum seems to think that DH has changed me, her 'sweet little daughter'. She can't accept or even acknowledge that her behaviour caused the rift between us, and DH had nothing to do with it. Do either of you feel your parents/IL's feel the same way (in your case tc, that you are changing DH)?

My IL's feel I've changed DH and my SIL said straight to my face that DH is p---y whipped.

And our families still wonder why we both want to move interstate with the kids.

yes for sure, mil and her family (at various stages) have said that both dh’s sil (who is legit a case unto herself, which is a real shame, as it would be great if her and i could be friends and have some solidarity but alas, not to be) and i have “changed” her boys, etc. just another poor attempt at trying to use emotional blackmail to exert control. she has no clue how to be a mother, she’s not maternal. she farmed the boys out to family so she could go back to work. mil’s aunty raised dh. she has no idea how to grandmother either (dh said this).

i always go back to this quote when the “you’ve changed” gets bandied about.IMG_7173.JPG

[BornToBe]

And our families still wonder why we both want to move interstate with the kids.

We did this (I won't even get into DH's parents but definitely abusive and narcissistic fit the bill) and it has been the best thing ever. Us leaving seemed to make them realise if they want a relationship with their grandkids, they're going to need to respect us, the parents. Otherwise, we just won't, and that's fine by us (sad, but better than being constantly trampled over).

Sometimes I can't help but feel bitter at both mine and DHs parents as it feels like we started off so far from what we desire as a family and for our kids, so there's so much change and work we have to do. Never having healthy role models it's hard to forge your own path. I'm working on letting that go because it just doesn't serve anybody, not me, not them, not my kids.

And my kids seem to like me so hopefully it'll work out. 😅 Trite as it sounds I really think just showing unconditional love is pretty much always the answer.

[AdornedWithCats]

@BornToBe 100% spot on with the lack of good role models. I was speaking to my psych about this recently as my dh really has started to struggle parenting ds. She pointed out to me that how is dh supposed to know how to be a good father when he never learnt how (never had a good role model). It sounds like common sense but it was a revelation for me as I'd never thought of it that way.

This is despite the fact that I've been conscious that personally I don't have any good maternal role models. This has driven a lot of my parenting decisions in trying to give ds what I missed out on.

[MissTwiggley]

We did this (I won't even get into DH's parents but definitely abusive and narcissistic fit the bill) and it has been the best thing ever. Us leaving seemed to make them realise if they want a relationship with their grandkids, they're going to need to respect us, the parents. Otherwise, we just won't, and that's fine by us (sad, but better than being constantly trampled over).

Sometimes I can't help but feel bitter at both mine and DHs parents as it feels like we started off so far from what we desire as a family and for our kids, so there's so much change and work we have to do. Never having healthy role models it's hard to forge your own path. I'm working on letting that go because it just doesn't serve anybody, not me, not them, not my kids.

And my kids seem to like me so hopefully it'll work out. ������ Trite as it sounds I really think just showing unconditional love is pretty much always the answer.

I think unconditional love is the answer too. I totally understand when you say it feels like you started so far off from what you desire for your own family. DH and I have had many discussions about our upbringing and what we want for our babies, and I'm so glad we are on the same page when it comes to this. We're still planning on moving, just haven't decided on where yet. I feel like we're finally on our way to forging our own life.

[Sirena89]

Wow. Both of these posts describe my mother and my childhood to a T.

I'm seriously reading these two posts.

My mum seems to think that DH has changed me, her 'sweet little daughter'. She can't accept or even acknowledge that her behaviour caused the rift between us, and DH had nothing to do with it. Do either of you feel your parents/IL's feel the same way (in your case tc, that you are changing DH)?

My IL's feel I've changed DH and my SIL said straight to my face that DH is p---y whipped.

And our families still wonder why we both want to move interstate with the kids.

Yes, I think myparents think my dh changed me. But I only opened my eyes to what a normal parent should be like when I met my amazing inlaws..