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  1. #1
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    Default Should I stay or leave my marriage?

    I’m at a crossroads. We have two kids. We have been lacking emotional connection in our marriage and I feel I have lost trust and respect due to his anger management issues. He gets easily irritated and frustrated, and sometimes belittles me or dismisses me when I express my hurt. He says this is because I have blocked him out and shot him down emotionally which I guess is true.. every now and then he has an all out temper tantrum which he did on the weekend over me pranging the car. He had been drinking (not that that’s an excuse!!). He called me a stupid idiot, told me to F off and that I didn’t live there anymore and I could move out. He then locked me out and then continued to rage inside kicking a chair over. Of course he was very apologetic the next, has thrown out all the alocohol and has agreed to see a specialist. The thing is I was working with a lack of respect and trust before this episode now it feels like there’s none left to move forward. During the incident I did move with my kids entire to my parents house. I have asked if he will move out while I get some headspace and he refuses and said he will spiral and wants to save our marriage. I will have one hell of a fight on my hands if I decide to leave him. Plus I’ll be on struggle street. But will feel happy not to be living in what’s becoming a loveless marriage. What do I do. Do you think his recent temper tantrum/abusive episode is a deal breaker?my kids are happy enough and he would never hurt them and we have a great life otherwise. We have worked hard to get to where we are and would lose everything financially if we supersets but I just don’t know if I can or should go on given his tendencies to verbal abuse. What would you do in my position?

  2. #2
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    I am really sorry you're going through this. Also... I'm sorry hun, but what he did on the weekend was not a temper tantrum. He swore at you, called you names, kicked you out, then damaged property. Apologetic or not, drunk or not.... that's domestic violence. The apology is part of the cycle to keep you around longer. As is the saying he will spiral. It's not your fault at all.
    I'm guessing you left, and didn't call the police?
    I would be very hesitant to return given that these situations tend to escillate. What if you hadn't gone outside? It could have very easily been you or the children, instead of the chair - or maybe next time it could be. Please protect your little ones, and your self.

    If you'd like some help, even just to clear your head and get a better idea of your thoughts, you can call 1800 RESPECT, or reach out to your local women's supports. At the very least they can give you some information on creating a few habits to help you be safe - like protective behaviours.

    Good luck.

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    Bani D (03-12-2020)

  4. #3
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    Default Should I stay or leave my marriage?

    To be honest, you made a thread about your husband’s anger 3 years ago.

    Leave now!

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    Hetty (05-12-2020),Loh4 (03-12-2020)

  6. #4
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    Default Should I stay or leave my marriage?

    Quote Originally Posted by BigRedV View Post
    To be honest, you made a thread about your husband’s anger 3 years ago.

    Leave now!
    I agree with this, there’s obviously not been much improvement, I don’t see much changing in the next 3 years.

    Given all his anger issues & outbursts I would highly advise getting all your ducks in order and a full plan that is ready to be actioned the day you tell him purely for your safety. He sounds like he could flip at any moment.

    I’m sure there is great resources and free legal advise that would be able to assist you on leaving.

    For the sake of your kids it can’t be good for them being exposed to this, and you must feel so down and exhausted by this.

    Hindsight might be a wonderful thing for your DH and make him get his act together. If it’s meant to be I’m sure things will work out in future, but it sounds really toxic right now.

    Good luck!

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    Mod-LIKE A BOSS (03-12-2020)

  8. #5
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    Children have temper tantrums. Adults should not. Stop minimising has anger - for your sake. His anger is unhealthy and it will not improve. It will probably get worse.

    You are modelling relationships for your children. Would you want your kids to be in a similar relationship to yours? If not, you know what you have to do.

    I understand that leaving somebody you are afraid of is scary, and can carry great risks. I suggest you make contact with 1800 RESPECT for more information about making your departure as safe as possible (if that’s what you decide to do).


 

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