Regular hook up... or something more? *fluff*

[SheWarrior]

Hoping you Hubbers can settle an debate between me and one of my friends about whether she’s just got herself a regular FWB or something more is building.

So she met this guy on Tinder. After chatting for a week or so they arranged to meet up for fun times one night after work at his place (don’t worry, we knew where she was, she gave us his address and messaged us when she got there and when she left). When she got there, he greeted her with a hug and offered her a drink, they chatted for a while before getting down to business. Afterwards she said they didn’t cuddle as such but he was running his fingers over her back and they talked for a while longer. When she went to leave, he gave her another hug and a kiss and walked her to her car.

They’ve talked pretty much every day since (about a week), sometimes naughty sometimes just wishing other a good day or asking how work was. He went to hers on his lunch break the other day. She expected him to just want to do the deed and be on his way. Instead, he again greeted her with a kiss and hug, asked how her day was going. Instead of instigating anything when they went to her room, he pulled her down beside him and snuggled and talked for a bit. Again when he left, he gave her a kiss and hug. He messaged her later after he finished work asking if she’d like to make it a regular thing and said they should go out for drink one weekend.

Now, I’m clueless as to the whole FWB/hook up “rules”... and she’s not much better she’s had a similar “arrangement” (fwb) with a couple of other guys and there’s never been any real intimate affection like hugs, kisses and cuddles in bed while talking. She reckons they’ve always been no small talk, straight to business then get out. I’m saying it sounds like more than just casually hooking up and bordering into seeing each other territory. She disagrees and thinks maybe it’s just how he is (he is a really sweet guy in general).

Thoughts?

[Loh4]

Hoping you Hubbers can settle an debate between me and one of my friends about whether she’s just got herself a regular FWB or something more is building.

So she met this guy on Tinder. After chatting for a week or so they arranged to meet up for fun times one night after work at his place (don’t worry, we knew where she was, she gave us his address and messaged us when she got there and when she left). When she got there, he greeted her with a hug and offered her a drink, they chatted for a while before getting down to business. Afterwards she said they didn’t cuddle as such but he was running his fingers over her back and they talked for a while longer. When she went to leave, he gave her another hug and a kiss and walked her to her car.

They’ve talked pretty much every day since (about a week), sometimes naughty sometimes just wishing other a good day or asking how work was. He went to hers on his lunch break the other day. She expected him to just want to do the deed and be on his way. Instead, he again greeted her with a kiss and hug, asked how her day was going. Instead of instigating anything when they went to her room, he pulled her down beside him and snuggled and talked for a bit. Again when he left, he gave her a kiss and hug. He messaged her later after he finished work asking if she’d like to make it a regular thing and said they should go out for drink one weekend.

Now, I’m clueless as to the whole FWB/hook up “rules”... and she’s not much better she’s had a similar “arrangement” (fwb) with a couple of other guys and there’s never been any real intimate affection like hugs, kisses and cuddles in bed while talking. She reckons they’ve always been no small talk, straight to business then get out. I’m saying it sounds like more than just casually hooking up and bordering into seeing each other territory. She disagrees and thinks maybe it’s just how he is (he is a really sweet guy in general).

Thoughts?

I have had a FWB before and it was purely just “that” we talked sometimes (mainly coordinated meet up) only every met each other for that reason, no cuddles, no kissing, non of that sweet stuff, so I say something more!

[SheWarrior]

I have had a FWB before and it was purely just “that” we talked sometimes (mainly coordinated meet up) only every met each other for that reason, no cuddles, no kissing, non of that sweet stuff, so I say something more!

Thank you! That’s exactly what I think. The only time I’ve ever had those little things with a FWB situation is when we were actually friends first and it was already normal for us to do but neither of us wanted to be in a relationship as such. And of course, that’s going back to late teens/early 20s. She reckons it’s because he’s Canadian and they’re just polite any way I’m saying she’s delusional.

[MissTwiggley]

I can't even get DH to be that cuddly and sweet. Ugh. So I definitely don't see a friend with benefits situation here.

Although he really could just be sweet. It's hard to gauge someone. My experience with men is that most will do the bare minimum required and nothing more.

[babybeeno1]

I had one many moons ago and we cuddled aswell sometimes we ate dinner or got takeout before we got down to business. Every situation is different though. Some men will treat women width a bit more respect and some won’t

[EnchantedGrace]

What would she like? It sounds like regardless of it all, he's being respectful at the very least, which is nice.

[Mum-I-Am]

I’ve previously had both, the affectionate friendly share a meal FWB and the strictly business one. Having experienced both my preference would be the friendly one. It can still be nothing more than FWB but it’s nice to have a little friendship in my opinion.

[Mod-LIKE A BOSS]

As someone who has frequented tinder over the past few years, I can honestly say not all hook ups just want to do it and bolt. Sure a lot do but not all.
I think all people crave connection to other people. And whether something’s a hook up or more, we want to connect.
I wouldn’t read anything into the kisses and hugs and running fingers down the back. Some people are touchy feely people, or crave intimacy too. Those alone - nothing.

But he does want to go out for a drink. He might genuinely mean FWB or he might be keen.

Forget what he wants. What does your friend want? If she only wants FWB / hook up, and she thinks he might want more, then she needs to be honest.

Or if she does like the idea of more, then let it play out for a while, get to know him (because let’s face it right now they don’t know each other) and see what happens - or tell him outright.

[turquoisecoast]

i’ve had lots of fwb, in my experience they can and to sometimes get a bit more cudddly and chattier etc, i think it’s nice. it feels robotic and cold to have someone just come over, bang you, then leave.

look tbh, most of the fwbs i’ve had who were more affectionate, generally did turn out to be more than just casual sex. one of both of us would get attached and it would turn into more of a relationship of sorts. not a serious one by any means, but exclusive.

it does sound like this could be headed that way.

[SheWarrior]

Thanks guys... as a newbie to this whole thing it’s helped me too

She’s cool with just going with it and if it develops into something more it does, if not, no harm done.