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  1. #11
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    Default Husband lacking affection to kids

    I am not a tactile person. My parents were extremely physically affectionate and I hated it. I was forced into giving kisses and hugs that I didn’t want to give. In fact I completely avoided opening up to them because whenever I did, I was compelled to give them hugs and stuff and I just felt so uncomfortable doing it. I really wasn’t comfortable being emotionally vulnerable around them.

    I think that physical affection is not necessary if he is not that type of person. I think it’s better that he show love in his own way and shows vulnerability to his children. If your kids feel they can openly and freely talk to him about their feelings, that is the most important thing - in my opinion.

    Edited to add: also don’t take this the wrong way, but often affectionate people think that physical affection is the be all and end all of showing love. It’s really not. I am sure your husband is capable of showing the kids he loves them in other ways. And it sounds like they get plenty of kisses and cuddles from you, so I am sure they are not feeling that affection is missing from their lives
    Last edited by Beary; 23-11-2020 at 21:25.

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  3. #12
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    I’m sorry because I know how a niggling feeling can feeling like a big void inside your chest when you sense something isn’t quite right.

    I have two girls and one is not particularly affectionate.. I found it odd as I’m way over the top affectionate. The second is a cuddle bunny.

    I agree with love languages - we read and need it given in a certain way, to feel loved.

    Perhaps your husband’s is by acts of kindness-being present in the moment.

    While we can’t change people, people can actively select to engage. I agree with the suggestion of a specific action like the one bear hug at night.

    You’re a great mum and your affection will go a long way. I don’t think it’ll damage your girls unless you notice them being hurt from being rejected (if he does that).

    There are good things in your family. Precious wonderful things. I’m not saying stop or give up because people do mellow over time, but perhaps a bit of understanding (not easy) and patience (even harder) to accept your hubby for who he is right now. I hope that doesn’t come across as hurtful- I’m honestly in awe of how much you care. Hang in there, lady


 

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