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  1. #1
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    Default Do you let it go or speak your mind?

    I tried both. Neither seems to work for me. When I try let it go it eats me from inside that I havent stood up for what is right. When I speak up I upset people and seem to lose friends.
    I support gay marriage, equality, freedom of choice, protecting the environment and animals.. I thought that everyone in this day and age would be supportive of that, but somehow, even though I avoid religious and political conversations, I seem to end up involved. And I would hate if my kids thought that my silence means I agree..so I speak up again.
    What do you do? How is it working out for you?

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    in what context do you mean?

    i won’t tolerate racism, sexism etc with people i call friends. if someone makes a comment i find offensive, i really find myself taking a step back and evaluating my
    relationship with that person.

    i don’t think there’s anything wrong with making your values known. you need to live an authentic life which is meaningful to you, if someone else is offended by that, do you really care if they’re in your life?

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    I do care. I don’t have many close friends. And when one of my close friends, who I have always thought was a beautiful , gentle soul, had voiced very unkind opinions towards same sex couples, I was very upset, disappointed and sad. I made my stance known in a polite manner and we did not argue, and as far as I am concerned we will remain friends and most probably not approach that subject again as they will not change my opinion , nor an I able to make them change theirs.
    I am sad to lose a friend over a disagreement, but now I question my judgement and can see the cracks in our friendship..

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sirena89 View Post
    I do care. I don’t have many close friends. And when one of my close friends, who I have always thought was a beautiful , gentle soul, had voiced very unkind opinions towards same sex couples, I was very upset, disappointed and sad. I made my stance known in a polite manner and we did not argue, and as far as I am concerned we will remain friends and most probably not approach that subject again as they will not change my opinion , nor an I able to make them change theirs.
    I am sad to lose a friend over a disagreement, but now I question my judgement and can see the cracks in our friendship..
    It's ok for decent, well-intentioned people to have different views. I think what sets a friend apart in this regard is not that they'll always share your views, but that you'll have enough respect for each other to discuss issues and accept that you're not identical people with identical life experiences and views.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Kalina View Post
    It's ok for decent, well-intentioned people to have different views. I think what sets a friend apart in this regard is not that they'll always share your views, but that you'll have enough respect for each other to discuss issues and accept that you're not identical people with identical life experiences and views.
    I like that. Thank you.

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    Kalina (19-11-2020)

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    Quote Originally Posted by Kalina View Post
    It's ok for decent, well-intentioned people to have different views. I think what sets a friend apart in this regard is not that they'll always share your views, but that you'll have enough respect for each other to discuss issues and accept that you're not identical people with identical life experiences and views.
    100% this.

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    Sirena89 (20-11-2020)

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    Quote Originally Posted by Kalina View Post
    It's ok for decent, well-intentioned people to have different views. I think what sets a friend apart in this regard is not that they'll always share your views, but that you'll have enough respect for each other to discuss issues and accept that you're not identical people with identical life experiences and views.
    Yep. This.
    You can be the best of friends, but have different beliefs and ideas and values. So long as you're both mutually respectful it shouldn't matter.

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    Sirena89 (20-11-2020)

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    Default Do you let it go or speak your mind?

    I just can’t be friends with people whose political views and beliefs are total opposite to mine.

    Recently with all black lives matter stuff, I realised that a friend of mine was really really racist. Then she was openly supporting Donald Trump and now believes that the election was rigged.

    I seriously cannot be friends with people like that and will be giving them a very wide berth for a while.

    ETA - I’m not saying that my friends have to believe exactly the same as me but I can’t be friends with openly racist/bigoted people. It upsets me too much. I’ve kept my distance from some family members for the same reason!
    Last edited by BigRedV; 20-11-2020 at 04:35.

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  15. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by BigRedV View Post
    I just can’t be friends with people whose political views and beliefs are total opposite to mine.

    Recently with all black lives matter stuff, I realised that a friend of mine was really really racist. Then she was openly supporting Donald Trump and now believes that the election was rigged.

    I seriously cannot be friends with people like that and will be giving them a very wide berth for a while.

    ETA - I’m not saying that my friends have to believe exactly the same as me but I can’t be friends with openly racist/bigoted people. It upsets me too much. I’ve kept my distance from some family members for the same reason!
    yeah this resonates more with me. as much as i love the idea of being able to agree to disagree, with someone i call a close friend, i just don’t think i could.

    with all this covid/lockdown stuff in melbourne this year, i think a lot of people’s true colours were revealed. someone in my mothers group ended up revealing (by constantly running down the more moderate view and being a fanatic sky news/alan jones/peta credlin supporter) her true views and stance on life. i was really disgusted. even more so by the fact she couldn’t even seem to accept that others find sky news vile and bigoted. she was never a close friend, so i’m not heartbroken about it, but it’s disappointing and i wouldn’t really consider her much of a friend. i just don’t see us having enough of the important stuff (or what i consider the essential fabric for a true friendship) to make it worth pursuing a friendship. whilst i fully respect her right to her own opinion, it’s not one i share and i just can’t get on board with it. to me, a close friendship is one where we can discuss a whole range of topics and i just can’t be friends with someone whose stance includes values based on unkindness and inequality. worse, they’re views that elevate one set of people at the expense of another. i’m not ok with that.

    i think there are areas where you can agree to disagree and remain friends, but where the basic decent treatment of other humans can’t be agreed on, i really just don’t see any way forward.

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  17. #10
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    I think it depends on the issue.

    I have some very hard boundaries where I can’t be friends with somebody if I find their views to be racist, sexist, homophobic etc. To me, holding those views makes you a bad person. And I don’t want to be friends with bad people. Some people find this to be a very hard line and intolerant stance. That is ok! I’m fine if people don’t want to be friends with me because of this - I respect anybody’s right not to be friends with me.

    In terms of speaking up, I don’t really do that. I very much just distance myself from the person. I figure that they’ve formed their views for particular reasons, and anything I say is unlikely to change them. Of course, if they asked why I was distancing, I would tell them (respectfully).

    But I’m also ok with only having a small number of close friends. I’ve got about five very close friends. Anything more than that would overwhelm me - introvert that I am!

    But, for lots of other issues (outside of racism, sexism, homophobia etc), I think it’s great if people have different views to me. Often, I learn a lot more when discussing issues with people that have different perspectives on things.

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