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  1. #1
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    Default Increasing nights with Dad

    Do you think 3 nights a week is too much for a nearly 3 year old child to be away from their main carer? My ex partner wants to have the kids 3 nights a week instead of 2. The older 2 don’t want to increase their nights but they are 6 and 4. I’m not sure how I feel about it. It’s hard for a Mum to let go and not have the kids, especially when you have one with extra needs. But, it’s also hard for the Dad to not see them as much. What do you think? Thanks.

  2. #2
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    I don’t have any experience with separation but have had friends who have separated with young kids and it’s tough, it really depends on the capacity of both parents and your situations but what has worked for some was splitting it with a dinner or night in the middle of the time then it’s not such a long period without seeing the other parent.

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    Family Court recommendations don’t usually include sleepovers for preschoolers.

  4. #4
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    I think it will depend on the current relationship he has with the kids and whether he is an active parent or palming responsibility onto others when he is currently having them now. Some parents also do it for more child support to be collected and Centrelink purposes. I know your having trouble with your ds so his mental health issues really need to be taken in consideration with this aswell. A court will also allow the 2 year to sleep over more of the relationship is quite good as I said earlier and that’s coming directly from my Lawyers mouth here in sa at $500 an hour

  5. #5
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    We do a dinner every fortnight to break up the long stretch, which the kids like doing but their Dad went away on a boys trip the last time and forgot the time before! His relationship is ok with the kids but he can be mean to our eldest who has the problems. I was on the phone saying good night to them last night and he was calling him an idiot because he wouldn’t go to bed. If he has them more his Mum will be looking after them while he’s at work until 6 so I need to be careful this isn’t a control thing with both of them. The kids don’t want to go to their Dads any more than they are but I also need to work. I talked to him about child support and he said that he’s paying my mortgage because he ‘loaned’ me a little bit of money to buy my house WTF!!! The house I bought is in my name and I bought it as a family home while we were still together (his house is in his name). I basically said to him if we do a legal financial settlement I would be entitled to a lot more than the measly amount you ‘loaned’ me. We’ve got 3 kids together so nobody’loaned’ anybody anything! It’s so hard to know that if I agree to 3 nights a week I’ll
    miss out on half my kids life but I understand their Dad deserves to see them as well. I also need to keep working at least 5 shifts a fortnight plus extra shifts and because my shifts are all different hours he will still need to pick up my oldest from school. Arghh such a big decision!

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    If you believe their dad is mean to them, I think I’d be protecting them to whatever degree I could from that. It’s certainly not going to help your eldest by increasing the exposure to that. Calling a child an idiot is not ok, it affects their self esteem massively.

    Your ex doesn’t ‘deserve’ anything just because he is their biological dad. There’s no way with these concerns I would leave them any more than the minimum I had to. Yes a dad should have a relationship - IF it is a positive loving and supportive relationship. It doesn’t seem like this though from this (and previous) posts.

    A legal financial separation will happen in time but the sooner the better so there is one less thing to argue over.

    I would be looking at perhaps getting an au pair if you can? That way, it’s minimal outlay for quite a lot of support. They can do pick up and drop off for school plus they would also be a bit of company for you and help out with the kids. Would allow more flexibility for work.

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  8. #7
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    That’s what I’m thinking. He’s already an anxious child!


 

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