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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Oct 2020

    Default Thought I was one and done with 10yr old but extreme baby fever!

    Hey everyone,

    Just after a chance to get my thoughts down and get any advise/shared experiences anyone might have.

    Bit of background;

    I am mid 30 happily married with a 10yr old daughter, very well paying job and stable life. My husband and I always planned for two kids but when more daughter was born 10 weeks early and I suffered an extreme post partum haemorrhage (3.5l) my DH said he couldn’t go through that again. Fast fwd 10 years and my DD is a lovely self sufficient young human who does suffer with ADHD, anxiety and learning difficulties but otherwise good. I didn’t enjoy being a mum due to suffering from postpartum depression and didn’t bond with DD until she was about 6yrs old and didn’t really love being a mum until she was 8years old when I myself was diagnosed with ADHD and started medication with changed my life.

    Now heres the thing until the last 6 months I have been pretty happy with being one and done, I myself am an only child so totally get what being one is like. The last 6 month I have had extreme baby fever, I want a second child so so bad. I want a chance to raise another child when I can be present and be a mum. I am totally prepared for having another prem baby and feel now I am 10 years older, more mature and stable on my new meds that I can be a better mum and experience everything I missed out on the first time round.

    Some points:

    I have a stable well paying job, I can take a year of mat leave at full pay. My work also has an onsite Childcare and other WFH while caring for kids
    We have lots of family support
    We have a big enough house and can totally afford another child.
    I have concerns about having a 10-11 year age gap. My daughter will be fine with it but I don’t know if I am totally and utterly crazy to go back and do the whole baby/kid thing again!
    My DH is trying to have a career change leaving his well paying job to become a Police officer and his income will drop by 50% and he will then do shift work.
    I am totally not sure what my DH will think about all of this. He feels (and he did) nearly loose me during the birth of our DD and he was always scared of being left to parent two kids himself. I feel that prenatal medicine has improved dramatically in the last 10 years and I would be classed as high risk due to previous preterm and PPH so would receive specialist care from the local hospital. I feel this doesn’t remove the risks but minimizes.

    Any shared experiences or advise are totally appreciated.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Feb 2018
    No two pregnancies/births are the same - having already been through the experience you had with your first, you and your obstetrician can come up with a birth plan that minimises risk. Unfortunately, there's no such hindsight with your first - I was 'code blue' following the epidural - there was no way of knowing that I'd react that way to Fentanyl but I know now.

    I don't think you're crazy for considering a second at all - obviously no new baby is 'easy' and will require adjustment and sacrifice (if only just sacrifice of sleep and peace 😩) but then there are all the many positives.

    Just find out what will happen with your ADHD medication during pregnancy - as far as I know, most of them aren't recommended and/or adequately evaluated for safety but your doctor will have all that info.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 postsRuby Star - 15,000 postsDiamond Star - 20,000 posts
    I was one and done. I now have 13yrs between my 2 boys and honestly my new bub has bought so much joy to us in his short 4mths so far. The teen can sometimes get annoyed coz of crying or bub has hands in mouth so he doesnt like it when bub touches him but he is starting to get more hands on(dresses him after his bath every night and will also change a nappy when he is due, he will ask me if he can do it so im not gonna say no lol).

    I had my reservations about knowing the boys would be 13yrs apart and honestly I was scared how it would all go but they adore eachother and its been working out great.

    Its only the 3 of us so we have our struggle days but otherwise I wish I had done it sooner than later because of how positive our life is now


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