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  1. #1
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    Default Wwyd? (Friends issue)

    So a trip away had been suggested amongst some families we are friends with, dates and location suggested but nothing decided upon. We hadn’t discussed it in a bit (1-2 months?) and when I next brought it up, the friends (who are admittedly closer with each other) told me they’d booked the trip for themselves and forgot to invite my family, but assured us we could squeeze in and seemed to be quite encouraging about us coming along.

    I was quietly upset at this, but I realise I often tend to jump straight to feeling rejected, probably because I just feel a bit excluded in life - I’m continually battling with forcing myself to try to build friendships (especially with other families, mainly for the sake of my kids) even though tbh it feels futile, I’m always on the outer etc.

    So because I’m a bit of a negative nelly about this stuff, I just wondered how others might feel about the situation and what you would do?

    ETA these families have invited our family along to a lot of things over the years, and I don’t think anything has changed... Maybe I’m just over sensitive 🤷‍♀️
    Last edited by bada; 20-10-2020 at 22:39.

  2. #2
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    sorry you were left feeling hurt. you sound similar to me, i would react the exact same! i probably wouldn’t make a thing of it but would feel hurt and left out as well. big hugs xx

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    bada (20-10-2020)

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    Quote Originally Posted by turquoisecoast View Post
    sorry you were left feeling hurt. you sound similar to me, i would react the exact same! i probably wouldn’t make a thing of it but would feel hurt and left out as well. big hugs xx
    Thanks. Would you still go...?

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    I would ask why they didn’t discuss it with that they had booked something. If it where me I wouldn’t go as it seems they want to exclude for some Reason after saying we could squeeze you in not that there is plenty of room for you to stay aswell

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    bada (22-10-2020)

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    I know I would never accidently forget to include someone... especially if they were in the initial discussion. To me that sounds deliberate. I don't think I'd go.

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    bada (22-10-2020)

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    Quote Originally Posted by bada View Post
    Thanks. Would you still go...?
    depends how hurt i was and how badly i wanted to go. i’d probably give it a miss though. go do something nice yourselves instead

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    For me it would depend on how much I thought it meant to my kids. I really wouldn't want to go and would feel awkward and rejected, but if it meant a lot from the kids' perspective I'd just swallow those feelings down.

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    I would probably go along, especially if I liked these people and wanted to remain friends with them. I’m pretty hard to offend though

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    Quote Originally Posted by bada View Post
    So a trip away had been suggested amongst some families we are friends with, dates and location suggested but nothing decided upon. We hadn’t discussed it in a bit (1-2 months?) and when I next brought it up, the friends (who are admittedly closer with each other) told me they’d booked the trip for themselves and forgot to invite my family, but assured us we could squeeze in and seemed to be quite encouraging about us coming along.

    I was quietly upset at this, but I realise I often tend to jump straight to feeling rejected, probably because I just feel a bit excluded in life - I’m continually battling with forcing myself to try to build friendships (especially with other families, mainly for the sake of my kids) even though tbh it feels futile, I’m always on the outer etc.

    So because I’m a bit of a negative nelly about this stuff, I just wondered how others might feel about the situation and what you would do?

    ETA these families have invited our family along to a lot of things over the years, and I don’t think anything has changed... Maybe I’m just over sensitive 🤷‍♀️
    A few years ago my long term girlfriends booked a holiday to Thailand. I had been involved in some discussions but I knew nothing about it being booked until we were out to dinner one night and they were all talking about it. We are a group of 9 friends. 2 couldn’t go because of work/kids but I was never told a date had been decided or booked.

    I was so upset. I didn’t let on though. A few months later one of them asked me why I wasn’t going and I said “um, I had no idea you’d decided on a date or booked it until after it was done”. She was adamant I was there when it was decided. I wasn’t. She was like “you can still come. There’s plenty of room”. I didn’t go because by then I’d booked a holiday with my family. But I probably wouldn’t have gone anyway. It would have felt a bit weird.

    We’re all planning another holiday (when ever that might be possible). I hope they don’t forget me again.

    I’m not sure what I’d do in your position. I think if it was something my kids would love then I’d put my hurt aside and go.

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    I’m the same as you, I always think in situations like this that I’ve been intentionally excluded. I’d still go. I often find in situations like this when you’re feeling a bit awkward about it, it turns out to be a lot of fun.

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