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  1. #1
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    Default Pregnant with a fling

    Hi ladies, I have just discovered I’m 4 weeks pregnant with a fling I was seeing for about 3 months. I broke it off myself and discovered 10 days later I am unexpected pregnant. Has anyone been in a similar situation? Am I obligated to tell him? I have no intention to get back to this man. How do I go about telling friends and family? I am 38, got two school kids and I’m financially stable. Is it appropriate to have a baby without involving /telling the father? What are your thoughts/similar experiences?

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    Quote Originally Posted by MissW View Post
    Hi ladies, I have just discovered I’m 4 weeks pregnant with a fling I was seeing for about 3 months. I broke it off myself and discovered 10 days later I am unexpected pregnant. Has anyone been in a similar situation? Am I obligated to tell him? I have no intention to get back to this man. How do I go about telling friends and family? I am 38, got two school kids and I’m financially stable. Is it appropriate to have a baby without involving /telling the father? What are your thoughts/similar experiences?
    I personally have not been in this situation, have known people that have and they have told the father, however, I personally would tell the father as he has a right to know, and he may want to be apart of said child’s life. Said child may want to go looking for him later in life.

    I guess it comes down to what do you want and what is best for your circumstances.

    Do your family and friends know you were seeing this man? Maybe wait to tell them? Get all this sorted first.

  3. #3
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    Thoughts on whether or not I think the father has a right to know aside, I would tell him for the sake of your child. When they're older, you don't want the potential fallout if they feel that you held them from a relationship with their dad. Given how easy it is to find relatives with ancestry dna sites already, it's going to be practically impossible to hide who he is if your child goes looking in the future.

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by MissW View Post
    Hi ladies, I have just discovered I’m 4 weeks pregnant with a fling I was seeing for about 3 months. I broke it off myself and discovered 10 days later I am unexpected pregnant. Has anyone been in a similar situation? Am I obligated to tell him? I have no intention to get back to this man. How do I go about telling friends and family? I am 38, got two school kids and I’m financially stable. Is it appropriate to have a baby without involving /telling the father? What are your thoughts/similar experiences?
    hello, sorry you find yourself in an uncertain situation.

    i would be querying whether you feel safe telling the father. we don’t know why you guys broke up, if it was due to safety concerns or violent behaviour from the former partner, then telling him may put your own safety into jeopardy. in which case, i would refrain from telling him and make the decision about what you want to do alone.

    if you do feel it’s safe to tell him and he won’t respond angrily or violently, then you could mention it if you feel you want to. you’re certainly under no obligation to tell him. but as has been pointed out, he may wish to be a part of the child’s life. whether you want him in yours and the child’s life is another angle to consider.

    are you continuing with the pregnancy or is a termination on your mind? obviously if you’re leaning towards the latter, then you needn’t say anything to him at all.

    i hope you’re able to find some clarity with the situation. do please keep us updated with whatever thou decide xx

  5. #5
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    A friend of DH's did not disclose who the father of her 2nd child is. We used to see her more at the time she fell pregnant, however don't see her much now due to multiple moves over the past 10 years - so mostly just FB posts etc. So I cannot comment long term on if she let the father know/child know now the child is older.

    When she told us about her pregnancy though, DH did ask who the father was. She just replied that it didn't matter as she didn't want anything to do with him. We didn't ask beyond that, but I expect she's been nagged by others. She's a strong person and a real straight shooter, so I expect she would tell such people to F off.

    She's been a single mum since she split from the father of her 1st child at 2yo. She's an amazing mum and her kids seem very happy.

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    As someone who didn’t meet my father until I was 22 I can tell you that it’s really damaging for a child. Im still making up for lost ground now at nearly 40. Unless he’s violent or an unsafe person then regardless of how you feel, your unborn child has a right to know his/her father. He also has a right to know he has a child in the world.

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    What a difficult situation to find yourself in. No experience at all but my thoughts are that first you need to decide what you want to do.
    If you don’t proceed with the pregnancy - and that is your choice entirely, then I don’t think you need to or should tell the father. Just my opinion.
    If however you do decide to proceed, then I think he should know. Unless there is violence or risk to you, your family or the baby.

  9. #8
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    In theory, I would tell him because I'd want my child to have at least the chance of a relationship with his or her father. I would feel like it's not my place to take that from them.

    But then I would think about what kind of person he is because in telling him, he could be granted custody rights etc. should he want to. If you know him to be not the greatest character around, that could cause some stress.

    But no, technically you don't have to disclose paternity unless you're applying for child support. But kids grow up so I'd be keeping that in mind - when he or she is older, there's a high chance they will want to know.


 

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