+ Reply to Thread
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 13
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Posts
    2,855
    Thanks
    4,242
    Thanked
    1,132
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts

    Default Triggering post - miscarriage

    I never thought I would be in this situation again. Currently going through my 4th miscarriage. All happening before the 12 week mark.

    I feel so incredibly lost.

    We have an amazing utterly perfect DD who arrived after our first DD who was still born.

    She is the absolute light of our lives and we have been trying to give her a sibling and complete our little family for the past 2 years.

    I know 2 years is not very long compared to the long journey others have had. But when do you call time on things and accept how lucky and blessed we are to have 1 living amazing child?

    When we first started trying, i wanted another child to complete our family so badly. But now after every single loss, i get more and more unsure. I dont know whether its just my brains way of trying to protect myself from more hurt.

    I feel like im waiting for a sign from the universe to show me an answer one way or another. I feel so lost and i just dont know what to do anymore.

    I’m afraid of losing another baby, but im also afraid of making the decision call time on our journey.

    Has anyone been in the same situation or can offer any advice at all?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Posts
    8,397
    Thanks
    7,383
    Thanked
    6,832
    Reviews
    21
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    I have no advice, and have only been through one miscarriage, so I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through. I just wanted to show support and I hope you can find answers

  3. The Following User Says Thank You to atomicmama For This Useful Post:

    MrsMummaButterfly (12-08-2020)

  4. #3
    Join Date
    Aug 2017
    Posts
    2,319
    Thanks
    4,470
    Thanked
    3,165
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    I’m so sorry for this loss and previous losses. I’ve not been there but just wanted to send support and let you know I’m thinking of you

  5. The Following User Says Thank You to Mod-LIKE A BOSS For This Useful Post:

    MrsMummaButterfly (12-08-2020)

  6. #4
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Posts
    7,270
    Thanks
    8,421
    Thanked
    7,681
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    @MrsMummaButterfly I’m so sorry for your loss.

    Our FS used to say “you need to be able to sit back on your deck in 50 years and be happy with our choice”. We knew in our hearts we had to keep trying and were only trying 18 months after DD so in the end it wasn’t a terribly hard decision any longer and I think we would have had to stop.

    Is your journey negatively impacting your family? Maybe it would be worth getting some counselling, just to help you work out what you want to do.

  7. The Following User Says Thank You to Mum-I-Am For This Useful Post:

    MrsMummaButterfly (12-08-2020)

  8. #5
    Join Date
    Apr 2018
    Posts
    56
    Thanks
    69
    Thanked
    29
    Reviews
    0
    Quote Originally Posted by MrsMummaButterfly View Post
    I never thought I would be in this situation again. Currently going through my 4th miscarriage. All happening before the 12 week mark.

    I feel so incredibly lost.

    We have an amazing utterly perfect DD who arrived after our first DD who was still born.

    She is the absolute light of our lives and we have been trying to give her a sibling and complete our little family for the past 2 years.

    I know 2 years is not very long compared to the long journey others have had. But when do you call time on things and accept how lucky and blessed we are to have 1 living amazing child?

    When we first started trying, i wanted another child to complete our family so badly. But now after every single loss, i get more and more unsure. I dont know whether its just my brains way of trying to protect myself from more hurt.

    I feel like im waiting for a sign from the universe to show me an answer one way or another. I feel so lost and i just dont know what to do anymore.

    I’m afraid of losing another baby, but im also afraid of making the decision call time on our journey.

    Has anyone been in the same situation or can offer any advice at all?
    I am really sorry you are going through this. What a difficult journey. I am so glad you have your precious DD.

    My story has some similarities to yours. I had one miscarriage, then a son, then 4 more miscarriages, then finally managed to have a second son nearly a year ago.
    I ended up seeing a reproductive immunologist after my 5th loss who diagnosed me with high natural killer cells and a partial gene match with my husband. For my last pregnancy to be successful I was on a protocol of prednisone, intralipids, clexane, LIT, progesterone pessaries and injections, thyroid medication. I don't know whether you have had testing but I had 2 of mine tested and they were chromosonally normal so that motivated me to see the RI as it didn't make sense that i was losing perfect babies.

    It was an extremely stressful and anxious pregnancy and my little chap arrived at 34 weeks, was very unwell and spent a month in hospital. He is nearly a year old now and still "behind" but happy and healthy and lights up our lives, together with his brother.

    I was absolutely obsessed with being able to have a second child, it really dominated my life for a couple of years. It consumed me and I feel a bit sad that I was "distracted " by this instead of giving everything to my first little boy.

    Now that I have been lucky enough to have my second child i would absolutely love to try again but we definitely won't as we are terrified of more miscarriages or another preterm birth or worse outcome. It is something that will cause me sadness forever i expect.

    I guess what i am trying to say is that before I had my 2nd son i would have done anything to get him (and went to great lengths and expense) whereas now although we would love another child we just know we can't risk the grief again. So for me, although i am sad, something has shifted and I couldn't put myself and our family through it again.

    Sending strength and wishing you peace whatever you decide to do x

  9. The Following User Says Thank You to Michy1980 For This Useful Post:

    MrsMummaButterfly (12-08-2020)

  10. #6
    Join Date
    Aug 2017
    Posts
    3,087
    Thanks
    2,159
    Thanked
    4,089
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    @MrsMummaButterfly I'm so very sorry to hear that you're going through another miscarriage. You're so brave and so strong to keep going after losing your first child in such a devastating way.

    I've had a few losses between my two children, all bar two very early. DD2 was five years in the making. A very kind and compassionate midwife who once looked after me told me about her own story - she chose to work with women going through terrible things because she herself had gone through stillbirth and tfmr, as well as several miscarriages. She told me the only thing you need to ask yourself is how much you want another baby, which is stronger, the desire or the fear of more loss.
    I guess that deep down I felt that it actually took more courage to stop trying and accept that it was never going to happen than to keep going. While ever I was trying I had hope, and hope is like a drug. So I like to think that determination got me through, but maybe it was that I lacked the courage to face the finality of stopping. Maybe both? Whether you stop or keep going, you'll only know if it was the right decision in hindsight unfortunately.

    The other thing I would say - if you haven't already, ask a good FS for frank advice, what are your chances of another healthy pregnancy. No sugar-coating or cheerleading, just clinical advice.
    Last edited by Kalina; 11-08-2020 at 04:52.

  11. The Following User Says Thank You to Kalina For This Useful Post:

    MrsMummaButterfly (12-08-2020)

  12. #7
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Posts
    9,164
    Thanks
    1,644
    Thanked
    5,379
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    I am so so sorry for your loss and Previous loses. What a long journey. There really are no words to help with the grief.

    I've only had the one loss, and an almost 2 year journey to get ds2 so I can't fully understand what you're going through..but for me, I always look to when I'm old and looking back at my life, what decisions would I regret. Would the stopping trying be one? Or would I be thankful I stopped and avoided the ongoing pain?

    However, I have watched my cousins journey closely, and it has several similarities to yours... she had a premmie baby (i think 32-33 weeks), then some losses, then a stillbirth after devastating news at the morph scan, then several more losses, and finally, about 4 years later, another baby, still officially prem, but just before "term"... and she couldn't be happier. I know so many times she wanted to give up, she felt like she couldn't go on, and she often cried over how hard and unfair it all was - and rightfully so!! But something inside made her push forward, and she eventually got her 2nd bub.

    There's no right or wrong choice here. Just... whatever it is that works for you and your family. If that's the same path, a modified path, or a completely different one... they'd all perfectly ok, if that's what you want.

    Thinking of you x

  13. The Following User Says Thank You to EnchantedGrace For This Useful Post:

    MrsMummaButterfly (12-08-2020)

  14. #8
    Join Date
    Jul 2015
    Posts
    14,502
    Thanks
    10,195
    Thanked
    10,252
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    couldn’t read and run. i’m so sorry for your losses. i don’t have any advice but wanted to say my thoughts are with you and i hope you find peace with whichever decision you ultimately make xx

  15. The Following User Says Thank You to turquoisecoast For This Useful Post:

    MrsMummaButterfly (12-08-2020)

  16. #9
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
    Posts
    367
    Thanks
    546
    Thanked
    366
    Reviews
    1
    No advice but I had 3 miscarriages and then went in to have two healthy children! You can only handle so much please look after yourself 🥰

  17. The Following User Says Thank You to Rachi321 For This Useful Post:

    MrsMummaButterfly (12-08-2020)

  18. #10
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Posts
    2,855
    Thanks
    4,242
    Thanked
    1,132
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Thank you so much to everyone who replied. Im sorry i haven’t had a chance to reply to each of you individually.

    I’ve taken some time to really think about things and to try and find some inner peace with everything and to be honest, i will regret stopping more than pushing on and possibly going through this again.

    So for now, im taking some time to heal, and then I will be going full steam ahead in the hope of finally completing our family.

  19. The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to MrsMummaButterfly For This Useful Post:

    a million dreams (12-08-2020),atomicmama (12-08-2020),babyno1onboard (12-08-2020),Kalina (12-08-2020),Michy1980 (12-08-2020),Mod-LIKE A BOSS (12-08-2020),Mum-I-Am (13-08-2020),EnchantedGrace (12-08-2020),SSecret Squirrel (12-08-2020)


 

Similar Threads

  1. Replies: 12
    Last Post: 24-01-2011, 11:50
  2. Warning TRIGGER POST - pls sign petition
    By WorkingClassMum in forum Social Issues
    Replies: 15
    Last Post: 05-01-2011, 17:23
  3. Post-Miscarriage Period
    By xpectant in forum Pregnancy Loss Support
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: 14-12-2006, 08:37
  4. Post Miscarriage
    By Kayte in forum Pregnancy Loss Support
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: 15-07-2006, 11:35

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

FEATURED SUPPORTER
Maternity ClothesLooking to buy maternity clothes? :: Check the bubhub directory of local & online maternity clothes shops :: Find ...
FORUMS - chatting now ...
School gate politicsGeneral Parenting Tips, Advice & Chat
TinderGeneral Chat
First day of schoolGeneral Parenting Tips, Advice & Chat
Oct/Nov/Dec 2020 TTC ChatConception & Fertility General Chat
First FETIVF Newbies - What you want to know

ADVERTISEMENT