+ Reply to Thread
Results 1 to 5 of 5
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jul 2018
    Posts
    79
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked
    14
    Reviews
    0

    Default Help! Types of discipline

    Hi, I’m wondering what types of discipline you have found successful? I have tried lots of different types with my almost 6 year old who has ADHD, sensory issues, social interaction issues. Today was the last straw when I took them to a playground for a friend’s Birthday. My 6 year old ran off and threw bark and grass at my friends because he said they told him he was too young to play tennis and he wanted to use their tennis rackets. Luckily he stopped when I told him to, otherwise it would have hit them. My nearly 4 year old hit my hand hard with a stick and threw grass at me. He’s now copying his older brother. He used to be happy to play with the other kids. He’s just angry now. They have never been this bad to throw things at people. I’m horrified and just done after today. I’m hoping my daughter doesn’t change from her happy self. Bear in mind, I left their Dad 4 months ago after ex MIL emotional manipulation. I understand that behaviours can be bad when changes happen but my oldest has been difficult since his neurosurgery 4 years ago. My middle boy has whinged since he was born. I’m not coping, have little family support and can’t afford childcare. I don’t know what to do. I’m
    tired of being the one who has the different child and so upset that my middle boy seems to becoming less social. I’m so tired and can’t even think straight to work out the best discipline. I took their favourite toys away from them after today 🤷‍♀️

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Feb 2018
    Posts
    166
    Thanks
    60
    Thanked
    92
    Reviews
    0
    I used to work for a community centre that had subsidised sessions with a child behaviourist that helped parents learn how to better manage challenging behaviours - they would meet with the parent while the kids would play in the room etc. so you don't need a babysitter.

    It's worth finding out if there's anything similar in your area. You've got your hands full and you need some support and guidance - or at least a starting point on what changes to make and what to try and for how long etc. They will take into account each childs needs and what can be reasonably expected of them (and you).

    Reach out and see what's there - there's no shame in not coping right now - I have days when I'm not coping and I only have one (temperamental) toddler.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Posts
    5,099
    Thanks
    1,877
    Thanked
    3,037
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    With DS7, who has some sensory issues and (we've recently discovered) anxiety, plus is going through some further assessments for potential ASD I've found a couple things have helped.

    1. Consistency, choose an approach and stick to it for at least a month. Get everyone you can on board, school, OSHC (and try to get XH and XMIL too, but I understand that will be hard). All use similar language or signals, e.g. red/green behaviour, I'm counting down from 3 and when I get to zero X will happen, or whatever you choose. DS has been a lot less responsive to positive reinforcement than his big sister, so had needed more clear boundaries/expectations set.

    2. Identify situations that overstimulate. This is a sensory thing. Remember that it's usually not 1 thing, it's the accumulation of things. So if I take DS grocery shopping AFTER we've been out visiting, he is high risk for throwing a wobbly. But normally he can cope with the noise and busy of the supermarket. I need to talk to him a lot to get a good idea of how he's slept, when he'll be hungry, if he had a bad day/week at school etc so I can mentally calculate what his threshold will be. Time outdoors, trampolining and 1:1 reading/drawing/puzzles are good for him and fitting them in to overstimulating days can help.

    3. Have a back up plan - work it out with him. DS is just getting old enough to identify when he needs to withdraw. I've also learned to be very open with him, e.g. "DS, we need to go into the other room now, I can see you are getting too excited and might hurt yourself/someone else". He protests now, but complies- initially I would have to forcibly remove him at times.

    What's become apparent with his anxiety is, while he doesn't want to be powerless, he gets overwhelmed by having to make decisions all the time and actually likes when I just give him a not-negotiable. It goes against a lot of positive parenting/empowering children type philosophies, but he some times just wants me to take charge. He does this best with me and his teacher, as we have good trust. With people he doesn't trust to have his best interests at heart, he will be more likely to be oppositional at such commands.

    Best of luck. I consider myself fortunate that he's my 2nd with a big age gap - his big sister is proof that I can get discipline right and that what "normally" works doesn't necessarily work for him. I agree to seek as much professional help and support as you can.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jul 2018
    Posts
    79
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked
    14
    Reviews
    0
    Thank you. I will definitely try your strategies and also check about some behavioural classes. He regularly sees his neurosurgeon, his Paediatrician who just said to redirect him, which is not realistic when he’s punching his brother in the face drawing blood!! He thankfully isn’t this aggressive anymore when I’m around but my Mum said he scares her sometimes. She told me she is taking him to a Psychiatrist because he is ruining his family’s life. He bosses his younger brother around so much that his brother will
    ask him if we can go home if we’re out, rather than asking me! I constantly have to pull him up. He’s seen an OT and I didn’t go ahead with Psychologist due to the Corona virus. I make sure he has active play but also relaxing painting or crafts if he feels like it. I talk to him all the time because it’s just what gets through to him. I do think he was a bit bored yesterday, which is probably why he played up. Thank you again. Appreciate the help.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Posts
    14,281
    Thanks
    9,854
    Thanked
    10,418
    Reviews
    13
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    Is any of that "ruining his family's life" talk happening around him?

    My daughter doesn't have adhd but she has sensory issues, control issues, anxiety etc. I do not change behaviour expectations for her.

    I give choices and consequences. E.g. If DD1 is teasing her sister or not sharing. DD1, you have the choice of sharing and enjoying the Lego together or choosing a different activity. I will not let you tease your sister.

    Consequences are always things you are prepared to follow through on. Set the expectation for the activity or outing prior to going and discuss the consequence beforehand. It could be "DS, today at the party, I expect you and your brother to be kind to the other children. If you choose to be unkind, we will go home".

    I also think it is important to be ensuring he knows he can go to you to help work through feelings and sort out problems. When he hurts his brother, set some calm down time. Ask him how he is feeling, ask if he thinks hurting his brother was a good way of dealing with how he was feeling. Ask what he could do next time. You also need to give him the tools of what he can do when he is feeling angry/frustrated etc.

  6. The Following User Says Thank You to Mamasupial For This Useful Post:

    BettyV (01-07-2020)


 

Similar Threads

  1. Please help - need new discipline strategies for 2.5yr old
    By abiishu in forum Discipline & behaviour
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 14-05-2010, 10:40
  2. Other Types Of Discipline - I've Tried Everything :(
    By bambino in forum Discipline & behaviour
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 18-07-2009, 20:54
  3. Types of Discipline Used
    By MummaBear03 in forum Discipline & behaviour
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 18-02-2008, 21:49
  4. 2 types of uterine scars - can anyone help?
    By MilkOnTap in forum Birth & Labour Questions
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 28-11-2006, 01:11
  5. Discipline kids in public (HELP)
    By ashika in forum Discipline & behaviour
    Replies: 15
    Last Post: 01-08-2006, 08:47

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

FEATURED SUPPORTER
StorychestThe journal meets photo album meets scrapbook for the digital age. Capture and save stories and precious moments of ...

ADVERTISEMENT