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  1. #1
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    Default adjustments of living with a new partner for the first time or isolation stress.

    a friend is recently living with her partner for the first time and seems very critical nitpicking and irritable of her partner who is a really decent man who is known to be easy to get along with, easy to live with, very likable hardworking loyal caring loving.. I dont know how much of her irritability is really
    1) the isolation of covid that is distressing her and making her irritable and critical and 2)how much is the adjustment of living with someone for the first time
    3)and how much is that she is a very irritable critical person. and might always be like that for her partnr and future children.
    i did witness that she is very fussy even by he own admission ocd re many things.

    she has an amazing partner who many people have known closely for decades, who is hard working, reliable, caring loving cares about her feelings tries to help her, sociable , trustworthy, well liked sweet natured, calm, loyal protective stands up for her, prioritises her
    she just finds fault , criticises gets annoyed easily.
    shes needs outings fun and shes used to living alone spending her money how she wants but has lost her job with covid and they are on one income/ The lockdown and not going to work not socialising with friends not going to fun places with her partner very is hard on her .

    she gets very irritable and thinks its the end of the world if, hes hungry on friday afternoon, when she wants him waiting till a later dinner, if he holds his hand a certain way, if after a long day he talks about work and sleep and isnt more fun, if he cares more about certain things than her, if he needs to sleep early and get up early while she loves stayng up till 3 am partying doing fun things. Clearly she needs her female friends and ability to go out to fun places with her partner. i wonder how much is the covid isolation afffecting her, how much is the adjustment of living with someone for the first time, and how much is that maybe shes a very nitpicking critical person.

  2. #2
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    Maybe she’s finding out she’s not that compatible with this man and she’s not really happy with him?

    You never know until you live with someone. Also someone might appear to be a certain way but unless you’re in an actual relationship with them it’s a completely different story. I’m sure a lot of his friends find him to be all those things and maybe he is but it can’t be compared to being in a relationship. It’s obviously a big change for her and maybe she’s learning that she doesn’t actually want to live with him as she is used to her own place and would prefer not to live together, all of which I think is ok, it’s a learning thing. Not everyone is meant for serious commitment, that’s ok.

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  4. #3
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    Default covid lockdown affect on relationships

    thanks for your replay
    yes it could be
    but it also seems that the covid lockdown magnifies negative and affects relationships . some get closer some get further apart.
    she is very affected by not being able to work and go out to friends and fun places this makes people more irritable frustrated and impacts unfairly on relationships. It can be hard to tell how much is
    the adjustment to living with a new person that can take time
    the stress of covid isolation frustrating her
    a critical fussier nature quite ocd and i dont mean that as a criticism but i've learnt to accept that some people are easier to live with and some are very fussy about many things and she is more fussy about many things than most.
    her partners family lived with him all his life and he also lived with others at times all over the world and hes very sweet natured loving devoted and easy to get along with. We all have times when we are more stressed and things that wouldnt normally bother us so much are too stressful. the covid stress seems to have that affect on her , the adjustment is hard enough without also covid isolation intensifying the stresses more. I think they are learning to commuicate calmly and understand each other more and try to solve anything that the oher wants or that annoys the other.
    fun is very important to her and fun outings so being in lockdown is really affecting her, being at home all day alone, its important to see the separate problems and not blame it all on the partner suddenly being incompatable. . she very much doesnt like that he sleeps earlier every night as for her its important to have a partner who is fun till midnight or 3 am and so this for her is a big dissapointment. if it wasnt lockdown and they went out more and she was working and visiting friends the balance might be totally different. he might also have to work 5 days instead of 6 to have time to do fun things with her since thats a big priority to her but money of working that extra day is helpful for her also Most of the issues are common and have solutions. its a big adjustment living with a new personand covid isolation causes huge frustration in many and is adding alot of intensity to that stress. she seemed more hopeful at the moment talking of where is best for them to live for support when they have a family in the future. she seemed calmer today. the lockdown is affecting her alot ad its easy to blame it all on the relationship adjustment. I knew a friend who had twins and she couldnt separate the temporary stress of twin babies from her husband and she blamed it all on the marriage when her husband was so supportive but the stress can easily be blamed on the relationship instead of the covid lockdown or having twin babies.

  5. #4
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    Default adjustments of living with a new partner for the first time or isolation stress.

    It’s a stressful time for sure, how long has she been living with this man? How long have they been together? The lockdown seems to be lifting now but slowly and in stages.

    I don’t know this person personally so it’s anyone’s guess what’s going on. I only meant compatibility could play a part in it because it sounds like she likes to go out and party while he’s in bed early and that sort of thing. I find when couples hit a certain timeframe like around a year and a half, you sort of get a feel for whether the relationship is right for you but if they have been together long term then it may be the adjustment of living together and the lockdown situation but if it’s been less than a year then they are still learning if they are compatible along with the other stresses going on.

    In my own experiance, regardless if you are staying in with someone 24/7 or not, if you are compatible and it’s a relationship that makes you feel good and you benefit from the relationship then it doesn’t really matter if you are staying in together all the time or not. I had a five year relationship with someone, we both didn’t work for a period of time and were home together a lot but we got on so well, we loved each other’s company, we rarely went out and the most simplest things made us happy. I’m with a different person now, and I feel like he isn’t the type of person I’m happy with in the lockdown situation because we aren’t truly compatible but if he went out to work or I did then the relationship may survive and would be a lot more tolerable. If you get what I’m saying.

    I’m not exactly sure what the question is in your post, might have to read it again but either way, if it is meant to be, they will get through this time and she will settle in with him and if it’s not meant to be then at some point she will leave. Only time will tell.

    Also, I think the best relationship is the one where you would be happy living with them in a lockdown situation, if you need outside situations to feel good in the relationship, it’s probably not the best relationship.
    Last edited by MuMtORiLeYandLeO; 15-05-2020 at 19:30.

  6. #5
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    I’m so grateful for all u have written It’s really helpful thank u
    Many relationships have the capacity to become really wonderful if they communicate and learn about each other’s needs and r patient . They have really scored each other when not living together . The people who have lived with him know he’s a really sweet Calm loving hardworking funny helpful caring easy to live with person . Yet no ones perfect and he wants to learn what sge likes and dislikes to please her

    I guess I’m listening to her and realising that It’s not all him . That -
    1 she is very fussy about many things high maintenance And needs fun over budgeting nice Designer clothes over budgeting, but that’s ok people r wonderful still But they r on only one income as covid means she lost her job for still another 6 months or so
    2 lockdown restrictions r not lifting for them as they r overseas in a much worse hit place , And even if it does Lift , it’s not safe like Australia . lockdown is affecting Her very much as she someone who needs to go out . The gov here is spending almost 50 million because people r anxious a certain cooped up irritable stressed frustrated depressed. it’s not all him . I know how staying home can get intense for some people and even a short visit to a friend or walk can b uplifting relaxing .
    3 Many couples live together slowly , first a couple of nights a week for a while . They didn’t they married and moved in full time without having lived together b4 and lockdown suddenly also is here so it’s a lot of intensity at once . It needs patience to keep calmly communicating her likes and dislikes so he can please her .
    Yes one incompatibility to get us that she wishes he was a night owl or could manage on little sleep to have more fun
    But maybe Other things can help her fun need so the burden is not all on him . He’s working 6 days a week to support them .
    She can have fun all day doing things she enjoys Netflix , music , a walk , chatting with friends and family
    She can have fun with girlfriends when lockdown eases
    She can be clear of what she could do with him nightly or a few times a week that would b sharing fun together
    A game
    Netflix
    And more when lockdown is over .

    She has a need for fun but maybe there r more ways to fill her fun need than just him
    She wants clothes designer shoes ecoenduve outings and entertainment a second car
    All these r costs over and above rent bills food on only one income

    So it’s also different financial styles
    He’s a saver he wants security if owning a home and a second car
    She wants also ecoenduve clothes shoes handbag entertainment facials manicures pedicures . Everything is a necessity for her despite that she’s not working in an industry where she needs to look glamorous quite the extreme opposite . But everything is a necessity for her . Either she ll change or he ll have to slow down on his goals and their goals
    2 people won’t b exactly alike and the first yr living together full on is a real adjustment learning intense period and lockdown is affecting her badly aswell .

    He had to also preserve the time after work to have time with her and not help a friend so they have time for fun b4 his earlier skero time

    She d wish that he slept later or worked a day less but he needs sleep he can’t burn the candle on both ends like she can
    He moved Country city and jobs to be with her so all is new for him city job friends .
    Working 6 days means they can pay bills while on one income and when she’s working they can more easily pay for a second car clothes a laptop outings entertainment a home and things that she wants and they both want .
    Perhaps he can take off work a day a week sometimes to have fun together when lockdown is over .
    It takes patience to build a rekationship and learn about our own and each other’s needs and try to twerk and adjust solutions to help each other’s needs .

  7. #6
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    In brief

    Fun is a priority for her so with his 6 days work and 10 pm sleep time and with lockdown they need to find time and ways to have fun

    Can she do fun things alone and with girls friends aswell and not just rely on him

    Financially can she be lower maintenance while they r on one income or while they save for things they need ?
    Does she want to have a second car And other things sooner
    Or does he have to accept that they will reach goals slower because she has many expensive needs designer clothes shoes entertainments nails pedicure facial which she feels r all necessities despite that she doesn’t need these for work etc

    Can he take off a day sometimes to do more fun things especially when entertainment places open up ?

    How can she help her joy anxiety irritability affected by lockdown

    Can she patiently keep chatting so he learns what she likes and doesn’t like So he can learn to please her .

    Can he learn fast enough to please her aBd not do things that bother her .

    Can he fulfil her needs enough and can she b open to different pictures of having fun that don’t involve him being up till 3 am .

    Can she Appreciate that he s sweet natures sincere sociable hardworking fun happy appreciative stable loyal protects her will do all to help and please her but he sleeps at 10 pm And currently works 6 days a week but will incorporate fun before that and when he can

  8. #7
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    What I’m not understanding is why this is relevant to you? Not your life? Not your relationship? You don’t know what’s going on behind closed doors, what conversations they have so how can you possibly know what is happening within their relationship. 🤷‍♀️

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  10. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by MLadyEm View Post
    What I’m not understanding is why this is relevant to you? Not your life? Not your relationship? You don’t know what’s going on behind closed doors, what conversations they have so how can you possibly know what is happening within their relationship. 🤷‍♀️
    And they're not in Australia either...

  11. #9
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    I am getting the impression that you have a soft spot for your 'friend's' partner. You paint him in a very positive light while painting your 'friend' as a superficial, needy, unrealistic and self absorbed person.

    The real question here is why are you so concerned that he is being unappreciated for all he is? You sound somewhat resentful over the fact that she can get away with acting as she is, while he still devotes himself to her.

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