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  1. #1
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    Default Lawyer Advice Needed Please

    I just have 1 question for a family lawyer if there is one available. Feel welcome to send me a private message or I can discuss openly.

    Thank you

  2. #2
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    Not a lawyer but have had plenty of exp and point you in the direction of one here if you want.

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  4. #3
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    So my question is....

    My husband & I have decided to formally divorce, even though we are separated (not formally)

    If we do just the divorce...

    Can he throw me out anytime he pleases.

    If he drops dead would I be entitled to anything!

  5. #4
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    If you are separated and living under the same roof, and your youngest child is under 8, you can apply to Centrelink for a single parenting payment. If your youngest child is over 8 you need to apply for Newstart which is less money. The tricky bit with being separated under one roof is that you need to supply Centrelink with a lot of information and have people willing to speak on your half to confirm you are actually separated.

    They will want to know a lot of personal information about your living situation for example - sleeping in different rooms, cooking separate meals, washing clothes separately, etc.

    Oh and if you need to move out and rent, Centrelink can also provide rental assistance. It's not a lot but will help you leave if you need to get out of the house.

    In terms of "throwing you out", if there is any domestic violence, I would suggest phoning 1800 RESPECT and chatting to the ladies there they will be able to help you. He can't force you to leave and there isn't any reason why he shouldn't leave either. When you go through financial settlement the house is counted as a joint asset and you are both entitled to a percentage of the value of the house. It isn't just owned by him - he may try and tell you that, but it isn't true. The law is on your side here.

    You can continue to live together, after divorcing I guess, but at some point you will want to get on with your life and it would get very uncomfortable very quickly if you continue to live together.

    Again, if there is a history of domestic violence it is very dangerous for you to continue to live together and please phone the number above if this is the case. Violence escalates dramatically at the time of separation and it is not safe for you or the children to remain in the house if this is the case.

    Your comment about him dropping dead. hmmm. Why do you want to know that? Is he ill? I am not a lawyer, but looked into this when I separated because my exhusband is an @rse and pretended to be terminally ill. Legally, if you are only separated and he has not changed his will to specifically exclude you, if he dies then you will get everything. This is because when someone dies, money goes to their spouse. Separation does not change that - you are still technically married. Once you are divorced, if he dies you will get nothing, (unless he has a will that states you get part of his estate).

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  7. #5
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    His 62 & healthy.

    He doesn’t want to do ANY financial settlement at all.

    Just me live under the same roof with the kids.

    I’ll be putting in fur bills etc.

    Regarding the DV that’s minor (his put his hands on me) not bashing me etc, but holding money, controlling me, etc.

  8. #6
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    Domestic Violence is not minor at all. Him putting his hands on you indicates he is dangerous and means things could get out of hand very quickly.

    I think you need to leave. Him telling you he wants you to stay is another way of controlling you.

    I would strongly suggest you phone 1800 RESPECT immediately. They are there to help.

    FYI If you divorce, you have 12 months to do a financial settlement. He may know that and is trying to cheat you out of money that is rightfully yours. Without a financial settlement and you divorce. The house and whatever is in his name will go to whoever is in his will. I am assuming he is older than you? If he dies in say 10 years time, you and the kids will be out on the streets with nothing if the house etc goes to someone else. Do not let him talk you into doing this. You are entitled to at least 50% of the value of the house and other assets.

    I would suggest you see a lawyer. Today if possible. There are free options out there. For example a lot of lawyers offer a free first consult. Take advantage of that. Else look at community legal centres, womens legal service, even Relationships Australia have a free legal service.

    There are people out there who can help you and your children. You don't need to put up with this.
    Last edited by SSecret Squirrel; 22-04-2020 at 08:53.

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  10. #7
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    Not a lawyer. However I have been divorced and my mum initially separated under the same roof with a non-physically abusive partner (financial, emotional, psychological, control, sexual coercion, types of abuse though).

    On the divorce thing, you must be "legally separated" for 12 months before being able to apply for divorce. This is as the courts see it, they will have info on their website about evidence of legal separation. Centrelink need more evidence than the courts.

    Financial settlement is separate to divorce. It does not have to be done through the courts, which is what my ex and I did as we had an amicable split, no abuse in our relationship etc and no children together. However, if there is an imbalance of power within the relationship, it's highly advisable to get a legally binding settlement.

    On the abuse thing, I just want to share that society/media really downplay non-physical violent abuse. Even your own comment downplays it. It IS abuse. It IS to be taken seriously.

    Separation is often when abuse escalates. In my mum's case this was true. He'd pushed her a few times over the 20+ years, slapped her across the face, but not much. Us kids had copped more physical abuse under the guise of "discipline". But my dad is a mean, controlling, manipulative person with a very skewed sense of right at wrong. So when they separated, he did not cope with no longer having power and control. This escalated into a very violent attack one night. Again he (his own words) "Only struck her with an open hand" and felt justified in his actions. She was covered in bruises with a perforated eardrum. He could no longer control her with words, so he turned to force. We fled with just a carfull of possessions the next day and lived in a friend's lounge room for 6 weeks while mum got payments and a rental sorted. It was a crappy little house with a leaky gas heater but we were so happy to be free.

    I know this story is horrible, but if it prevents 1 woman from having the same experience as her (and her children) then I will continue to share.

    It sounds like he still wants to have control over you. To get a divorce on his terms and thinks it will give him the power to "kick you out" if he decides. Statistics show again and again that separation is the time when women with abusive partners are in the most danger. Please, do talk to 1800RESPECT at a time when no one can overhear (I know, hard at times like this, maybe in the car on the way to getting groceries). Seek some experienced advice and consider all your options carefully.

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  12. #8
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    SS has said everything I would say

    Also sounds to me like he is also hiding assets from you that he doesn’t want you to know about ? Only saying this as I remember you stating previously he wouldn’t let you do any of the book work for his building company ?

    I lived under the same roof as my exh while we where separated. It is something I would not recommend to anyone. He was abusive mentally and physically to the point it is legally yes classed as DV and I have an avo to protect myself ds1 and my parents from
    Him. He cannot come anywhere near us until ds turns 18 which is when and only when ds will have to make an application to the courts to have it lifted as it will be his choice but I don’t see it happening he doesn’t speak about him now and he is nearly 13 not even to his psychiatrist through Camhs.

    A hand on someone is on the start. If he has controlled everything about your marriage now the divorce will be even worse. Men like to talk and belittle women down thinking we have no idea where in fact we are very smart

    I will pm you some numbers from here.

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  14. #9
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    i’m so sorry you’re going through this with him. it sounds like it’s the best move for yourself and your kids.

    please, never ever diminish or minimize dv. so much domestic abuse is non-physical! financial control is domestic abuse, any kind of physical violence is too. as has been pointed out above, just because it starts on a “minor” level physically, doesn’t mean it can’t escalate.

    i would strongly recommend the book see what you made me do (audiobook if you’re not an avid reader) by jess hill. it’s a real eye opener.

    he can’t throw you out.

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  16. #10
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    I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I hope you have a good support network, otherwise start building one as there will be days that you're going to need reminding as to why you're doing this.

    I wouldn't sign ANYTHING without the advice and oversight of a lawyer. It sounds shady that he wants to go through the legalities of divorce, but not splitting finances.

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