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  1. #1
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    Default Pregnant after loss

    Hi,

    Not sure if this is the right page I’m hoping to hear from others that are pregnant after a stillborn previously

    I’m nervous, not feeling connected and was wondering if that could be an underlying fear of what could happen again.

    Thank you

  2. #2
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    Congratulations on your current pregnancy!

    I'm very sorry to hear that your previous child was stillborn. I've not had to grieve a stillborn baby, but I have had four losses and suffered from a similar outlook. I hope I can offer some support.

    My first loss was due to a placental abruption from a SCH. I still think about our baby and wonder what life would be like with him. The longing for them never quite leaves, it just remains silent. I am sure you are familiar with the feeling. I then had 2 early miscarriages following this baby. At one point I thought we would never have a child to love, hold and raise.

    It wasn't until many years later that we would have our first take home baby and all throughout his pregnancy, I was terrified much like you. The pregnancy was fairly non eventful but I spent it all in fear of the absolute worst. It all felt like dread and there was no real 'safe mark'. I could not bring myself to buy anything and I kept expecting bad news. I pretended I wasn't pregnant so just in case he too didn't make it, I wouldn't feel as heartbroken... Me and denial were best friends. Looking back, it sounds utterly ridiculous (of course I would have been heartbroken, prepared for a bad outcome or not) but at that time it was a coping mechanism that I desperately needed.

    My next pregnancy, I developed a SCH very early on. I cried for days as it bought back memories and fears. That little one's pregnancy had it's own worries (cord) to contend with so it was fraught with stress till I held him in my arms. What I learned from this is to not expect history to repeat itself even if it feels like it will. My advice will depend on the reason why you lost your precious bub, but try to prepare yourself for the same issue that led to the loss, arising, keeping in mind that its not necessarily going to be the same outcome (hard I know). It's probably impossible, but worth a mention. Also, know that your feelings of apprehension and anxiety are perfectly normal given the circumstance.

    My fourth loss is the loss of one of my twins early on. A very different type and confusing grief compared to my other losses.

    Things to do:
    Find a good doctor who understands your concerns regarding history repeating itself. They may be able to put procedures in place to keep you reassured that your newest bub has the best chance at life. This might be more frequent appointments or particular health checks conducted earlier to ensure you stay on top of things before they have a chance to cause harm (e.g. BP issues and GD).

    Big hugs. Remember to take time out for yourself and get in touch with any organisations that can help connect you with others - SANDS comes to mind.

    I wish you the very best. xx 💕
    Last edited by MissTwiggley; 05-03-2020 at 21:14.

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    Molros (06-03-2020)

  4. #3
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    Thank you for getting back to me.

    I’m sorry to hear you have suffered loses also, it’s a really long hard journey

    My daughter was part of a twin so I had to birth her then wait to deliver my survivor 9 wks later.

    The emotion of sad “ should be” happy was all to much to be honest.

    I appreciate your advice & will speak to the hospital to see if they have a counsellor or alike I can chat to as well

    Funny how your sensible mind knows it was circumstances out of my control & unfortunate but then scared that it may happen again .

    I’m hoping the more I see the baby I grow to feel something

    Thanks again xxx

  5. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by littleone11 View Post
    Thank you for getting back to me.

    I’m sorry to hear you have suffered loses also, it’s a really long hard journey

    My daughter was part of a twin so I had to birth her then wait to deliver my survivor 9 wks later.

    The emotion of sad “ should be” happy was all to much to be honest.

    I appreciate your advice & will speak to the hospital to see if they have a counsellor or alike I can chat to as well

    Funny how your sensible mind knows it was circumstances out of my control & unfortunate but then scared that it may happen again .

    I’m hoping the more I see the baby I grow to feel something

    Thanks again xxx
    I'm so very sorry to hear that. 💔💔

    I completely understand the sad but should be happy part... It's hard to feel gratitude for one when your heart is broken for another.
    As I mentioned in my previous post, it was a very different and confusing type of grief... I spent the remainder of my twin pregnancy in a state of depression.

    Hopefully as time goes on and the pregnancy remains uneventful, will feel more at ease. Do you have good support? How far along are you?


 

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