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  1. #11
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    Children dont lie about things like that. 100% believe them.

  2. #12
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    I’m sorry that happened to you and I can completely understand how you lost your trust in your Mum. I’m afraid of that happening if I don’t go and also stop mil looking after the kids.

  3. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by Happymummy5 View Post
    I’m sorry that happened to you and I can completely understand how you lost your trust in your Mum. I’m afraid of that happening if I don’t go and also stop mil looking after the kids.
    There are always alternatives. Can they go to daycare?

  4. #14
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    Kids can and do lie for various reasons; to get out of trouble, active imaginations, for attention etc. But what you're mentioning does sound like something they have been told or overheard.

    If the care situation can't be changed for the time being, you totally have the right to bring it up - 'x came home and told me this...it's really important they don't hear such things as it causes them stress.'

    My paternal grandma had the habit of trying to turn me against my mum - kids are easily manipulated so I'd make a point to tell her that a) you know and b) it needs to stop

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  6. #15
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    Yes, I would believe that. A child is simply not going to understand the context or get any benefit from making a story like that up. It does not mean you get to sever the relationship with the Grandmother, though. A separation means that you can no longer dictate those sorts of issues you have to negotiate them. Everyone gets angry during separations (including Nanas), and everyone does things they either do or should later regret. There are mediation and counselling services that could help. A confrontation will quickly turn into an argument but it is not really something you can let slide, so third party help might be valuable.

  7. #16
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    Thanks for your replies. I started this post a few months ago. The kids and I left 3 months ago and my ex has the kids 2 nights a week. Ex mil looks after them 2 days a week when he has them. Everything was going ok and my oldest son told me ‘Grandma is being nice to us now you’ve left the house Mum’! Lately he has been more anxious again and the last 2 days he randomly told me Grandma said she wants him out of my life. Tonight he told me she said ‘Mum is poor and that’s why she doesn’t get help, she doesn’t do much for you and she doesn’t do many chores. She’s not a good Mum’!! My son told me I’m a good Mum, he loves me and it makes him sad when she says this! Now, I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t make up that much information for fun! FYI I do everything for my kids, my ex doesn’t even pay child support, I am a professional who works 3 days a week, I take my kids out to the usual places kids go, all I do is chores, except when I make myself stop to play with my kids. None of her bs is true but I’m furious for her saying that to my child. Sorry for the vent. My question is should I just text her to let her know what I have been told and please don’t say those things to my kids? I can’t go through my ex because he never believed his Mum would say horrible things. She can’t get away with it this time though, especially when it’s affecting him. He seems so confused at the moment and it’s no wonder why. Thanks

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  9. #17
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    Firstly, good on you for leaving.

    Could you get your son to say something to her? Next time she says something, maybe you could tell him to say something like, “please don’t talk about my mum like that to me.”

    Is there any way you could sneak a recording device into his bag

    If I was going to do something, I would do what you said. Send a text message and say, “John (or whatever your son’s name is) said that you said blah. I would really appreciate it if you could keep your thoughts about me to yourself and not speak negatively about me to my children. If you have a problem with me then please bring it up with me. Much appreciated.”

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  11. #18
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    I doubt someone like that will change.

    I would be seeing a lawyer and asking how you go about having her banned from unsupervised contact or better yet all contact with the kids. Is difficult to obtain, but not unheard of. She is poisoning the kids against you and it will have consequences for their mental health and relationship with you.

    I wouldn't be sending the kids with a recording device. In Qld, it is legal to record a conversation you are part of. I'm not sure about other states. I suspect sending the kids with a recording device is against the law Australia wide and any "evidence" you collect could not be used in court plus you could get into a whole world of trouble.

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  13. #19
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    Lawyer up now! I'd also be asking for an independent legal advocate (I can't think of the correct term) for the kids. What she is doing is clearly parental alienation and the courts will hopefully feed her for it.

    I'd be seriously pushing for her to have zero contact unsupervised, and that if your ex allows her to alienate you to your children that he is also in breach of orders.

    Don't confront them about the issue without advice from your lawyer. They may tell you not to say anything, or they may know what is the best way to speak about it. But now is definitely the time to make sure you're setting up a legal battle to win!

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  15. #20
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    Thanks for the advice. Sometimes I can’t believe I pulled myself up and managed to leave! I spoke to a solicitor but it was a one off free service. They said I can’t stop her from looking after the kids when in my ex’s care. Unfortunately, there is no proof, except what my nearly 6 year old is telling me. I definitely need to book a family solicitor for some ongoing advice though. My son said he told her ‘Mum is good’ and then he went to his room for some quiet time. Poor thing! At least he knows when to stand up to her. I wondered why I’d catch him staring at me with a mean look on his face sometimes, as if he was trying to work out if I’m nice or to believe Grandma 🤷‍♀️


 

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