+ Reply to Thread
Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 23
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jul 2018
    Posts
    79
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked
    14
    Reviews
    0

    Default Do you believe your children?

    I’ve posted similar before but find it hard to know what to do. Before I had kids I decided I wanted to believe them until proven otherwise but they are young (5, 3 and 2). I’d heard some awful stories of abuse where kids’ Mums didn’t believe them. My Mum was also abused and even though her Mum knew it was happening, she still went to work on a late shift. My 5 and 3 year old have now both told me that Grandma used to be nice but now she is mean. They have told me at separate times that Grandma asked them to make a decision if they are going to live with me or my partner! That if I leave, I will **** everyone’s life up and that I’m ****ing everyone off in the house! My oldest said she had a funny look on her face when she said it. My poor 5 year old keeps telling me I’m nice and that he’ll look after me. He doesn’t need this when he’s only 5 and just started school! FYI my MIL comes across very nice but I know from experience how she has been with me. It sounds ridiculous but I find it hard to have clarity when I’m in the situation myself. I’ve tried to think what would I tell a friend (believe your kids). But because my kids are so young I feel like I’m being paranoid. Thanks if you read this far 🤪

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Posts
    20,212
    Thanks
    1,666
    Thanked
    9,643
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 postsRuby Star - 15,000 postsDiamond Star - 20,000 posts
    Yes. I would believe them in this situation. I think you need to get out right now. Take the kids to your mum’s or something. Young children shouldn’t have to bear the burden of their grandmother’s spiteful rants about their mum. She must have an inkling that you’re contemplating leaving if she’s asking them to choose who they will live with. Run now.

  3. The Following User Says Thank You to BigRedV For This Useful Post:

    Green Cheese (02-02-2020)

  4. #3
    Join Date
    Aug 2015
    Posts
    191
    Thanks
    75
    Thanked
    109
    Reviews
    0
    I agree, kids of that age are smarter than we think. Sometimes they might mix things up but they are so emotionally raw you don’t want to risk somebody poisoning them with stories or threats.
    I’d be keeping them away from her.

  5. #4
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Posts
    4,919
    Thanks
    1,086
    Thanked
    2,347
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Yes I would believe them. How else would they even know how to speak like that at such a young age.
    So they really need to see her?
    What does your partner say? I’m not sure what your situation is but you said it yourself a 5 year old does not need to listen to stuff like that.

  6. #5
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Posts
    7,961
    Thanks
    1,013
    Thanked
    4,460
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Im sorry you're going through this I would believe them. Even if you don't act today, collect as much evidence as you can....

    Given what you've also said recently I would make a detailed, factual written report/note every time they make these comments, and try as hard as you can to keep them away from her. Is there ANY other alternative??

    When writing it up, keep it brief but clear.... But try to keep emotion out of it, and don't assume anything.

    Date/time the child said it.....Word for word what the child said....The most recent time and reason if needed they were with MIL.

    E.G.:
    1/2/2020, 4.36PM
    Grace said MIL told her "you need to decide who you're going to live with. Mum or dad"
    Collected from MILs house 4.30pm, at MILs house from 2pm-4.30pm 1/2/2020, hair appointment for myself.

    24/1/2020 12.51pm
    Grace said "grandma is different now and is grumpy all the time"
    At grandma's 21/1/2020 11am-7pm. Work.
    Last edited by shadowangel0205; 02-02-2020 at 21:54.

  7. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to shadowangel0205 For This Useful Post:

    Mashie (02-02-2020),SSecret Squirrel (03-02-2020)

  8. #6
    Join Date
    Jul 2018
    Posts
    79
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked
    14
    Reviews
    0
    Thanks everyone. My partner doesn’t believe his Mum would say that. You wouldn’t either, if you met her but I’ve been on the receiving end of her manipulation when no one but my kids are around. I feel crazy because I’m completely alone in this, as my soon to be ex partner doesn’t believe me. I personally think she has planted some nasty seeds in his mind about me too because he is completely on his Mum’s side, which is unusual. Anyway, this is about the kids. I have a duty of care to protect them and you’re right, how else would they know to say things like that. They have told me what she said more than once too. At the risk of sounding crazy, I think my mil wants me out of the picture so she can raise the kids herself. I feel that she thinks she mothers them better than me after a few comments she made to my Mum (once again, when no one else was around). I’ve been writing everything down word for word but should add dates etc thanks. I’m applying to childcare and luckily I’ve got 4 weeks holidays to hopefully move out of here. It feels like my partner and his Mum are the parents and I’m an outsider when I get home from work. The thing that creeps me out the most is when I’m laying down with my oldest chatting to him, mil will try to get him to go and play this stupid memory game with her or she’ll sometimes take him into the lounge and I hear her talking quietly to him.

  9. #7
    Join Date
    Oct 2015
    Posts
    4,944
    Thanks
    4,648
    Thanked
    4,221
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Does your MIL live with you?

    In answer to your question. I would believe your children 100%. In my experience small children are more likely to lie about things when they think they will get in trouble.

    Eg - who took the last biscuit? Not me.
    Did you hit your sister? No
    Did you touch the TV? No

    That sort of stuff. Highly unusual to lie about what Grandma said to them. Getting the story wrong. yes, maybe. But not a outright lie. Since it has been going on for so long, I would definitely believe them..

  10. #8
    Join Date
    Jul 2018
    Posts
    79
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked
    14
    Reviews
    0
    No, she doesn’t luckily but she’s over a lot. My partner and her think I work weekends just to **** my partner off and the Mil HAS to come and help (their words)! I work one weekend a month by the way and I have to because I’m a nurse and have been for 20 years. Nothing has changed with my work, apart from working a bit less due to having babies. Just their attitude has changed. That’s what I think with kids lying too. I’m pretty sure I can tell the difference when my oldest is making up stories. I really don’t see why a child would think it’s a funny or good story making stuff like that up. Kids like tricking their parents with funny things, not nasty stuff their Grandma has said about their Mum!

  11. The Following User Says Thank You to Happymummy5 For This Useful Post:

    SSecret Squirrel (02-02-2020)

  12. #9
    Join Date
    Mar 2015
    Posts
    6,249
    Thanks
    1,104
    Thanked
    4,199
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    To answer your question - yes I would 100% believe your kids.

    Slight off topic - have you considered a nanny? Pretty sure you get a rebate these days (someone correct me if I am wrong) and it may be easier for shift work to have a nanny.

  13. #10
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Posts
    2,019
    Thanks
    522
    Thanked
    956
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts

    Default Do you believe your children?

    100% believe them. I had a mother that I told her bf exposed himself to me as a child. I was six years old when I told her.

    She believed me but went back to him a month later. We never recovered and I stopped trusting her from 6 onwards, all through the rest of my life. The anger carried with me until she died 3 years ago. Your children need to know that you have their back until proven otherwise. It also sounds like a very unusual thing to make up and lie about tbh.


 

Similar Threads

  1. Strainger Danger: when do you teach your children?
    By 1+1=5 in forum General Parenting Tips, Advice & Chat
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: 14-11-2006, 10:59
  2. Did you plan your children's age gap
    By FourAngelKisses in forum What Gap between Babies?
    Replies: 17
    Last Post: 02-08-2006, 07:34
  3. Do you leave your children in the car while paying for petrol?
    By mum of 2 in forum Pregnancy & Birth General Chat
    Replies: 77
    Last Post: 04-05-2006, 16:53
  4. Replies: 19
    Last Post: 11-03-2006, 01:36
  5. Do you bribe your children?
    By nemosmum in forum Discipline & behaviour
    Replies: 20
    Last Post: 19-12-2005, 08:14

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

FEATURED SUPPORTER
ProSwimProSwim runs learn to swim classes for babies, children and adults. Our indoor centre in Plympton Park has lessons all ...
FORUMS - chatting now ...

ADVERTISEMENT