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  1. #51
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    Quote Originally Posted by MuMtORiLeYandLeO View Post
    That’s ok hun, one thing I’ve noticed you’ve said about letting yourself down. You don’t ever have to compare yourself with others who have more. We all cope different and that’s ok! Just because we see others with more doesn’t mean they are necessarily happy, they could be totally stressed and depressed but hide it well. Plus you have your own fears that are valid. Don’t put yourself down and give yourself a hard time. I really can’t see you having a third unless there was an accident just based on what I’m reading and I understand you probably feel frustrated with yourself and sad, you’re allowed to grieve and feel sad. I really worry for you if you did get pregnant with how you are feeling, it only gets worse with the hormones and it’s a horrible way to feel which is why I’d advise not going for a third unless you could mentally solve those fears beforehand. I suffer with anxiety and I know how awful it can get. Xx
    Thank you! I suffered with bad health anxiety after my second was born.
    I also can’t see me having a third unless it was an accident (but i’m too careful for that to happen) although I would like to hope that I will do it.
    I come from a bigger family and I loved it growing up and I always wanted that for my own kids.
    I know that also scares me, those hormones are a killer. They’re bad enough just getting my period.

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  3. #52
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    Not to be a downer but I think I said it somewhere before, you do have to realise that everything doesn’t always just work out in life.
    Can it get any harder isn’t a question that can be answered.
    Things could happen. Unless you feel you could cope with something less than your ideal (with your own health and that of your baby) it would be best for your own self not to push it.

    I still think waiting a little longer will bring more clarity. Maybe even just 6 months.
    My 3rd came along when my second was 4.5. To me it felt like having my first over again only knowing more what I was doing. She was a much easier baby than the first two but a way harder toddler and child.

    As a person who’s had anxiety to varying degrees all of my life I do understand how it would feel.

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  5. #53
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    I was exactly like you, my heart said 3 but my brain said no 2 is plenty, it’s hard enough some days, I don’t want to be pregnant or go back to new born sleep deprivation and isolation (my two are 6 and 9). We had an oops, I took the morning after pill but here I am, 20 weeks pregnant with number 3. I’d like to say I am happy about it and I know once the baby is here the overwhelming love you feel for your children will overtake anything else, but I am dreading it, I’ve been so sick I had to leave work extremely early, I am terrified of the newborn stage as my 2nd has terrible reflux. But I am sure once she is here, I’ll love her and be happy she’s here. I knew the only way we would ever have a third is if it was accidental and I assumed I would be happy, but I don’t really know how I feel yet. Just thought I’d share my current experience with you after being in a very similar frame of mind about a 3rd.

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  7. #54
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    Default Have I left it too late?

    I’m not sure how you make the ‘right’ choice when you’re on the fence (if there was a clear ‘right’ choice you won’t be on fence it!) but you need to own it and move forward with whatever choice you make. Living the ‘what-ifs’ detracts from appreciating and living what we have now.

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  9. #55
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    I actually have pretty much exactly the age gap you would have (baby, 6 & 8) . DS is only 6 months but so far so good. I go back to work in about a years time. Ill let you know then how crazy iam

    Its definitely easier with a bigger gap so far but DS hasnt hit the toddler stage yet.

    As for DS being left out, 2 of my siblings have similar aged babies so I hope that will help a bit as we are a close family and see a lot of them. I will have to make extra effort with play dates and so forth I imagine. We have 'family' hobbies - fishing, mountain biking, 4wd etc so I hope that we can continue those as a family to bring us closer together.

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  11. #56
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    Why do you feel like you're letting yourself down? You have two kids who are loved and cared for - that's an accomplishment. It's not a numbers game - I tend to think of it in terms of a classroom. One teacher has 25 students but most are underperforming. Another teacher has 10 students and all are excelling. Which classroom would you rather?

    That's not to say you can't be an excellent parent to 3 or 4 or 6 kids, just that the value of a parent is less about quantity and more about the quality you give them.

    It's also not a decision that should be made out of fear - as in, I'm scared I'll be letting myself down or I'm scared I might potentially regret it one day. In your shoes, I'd be waiting until my sense of excitement and wanting far outweighed any fears or doubts.

    I try to keep any cluckiness in check with the reality of having another child and the years of commitment, energy and sacrifice that entails - if at some point my apprehension takes a backseat to excitement and a sense of 'yeah it won't be easy but I don't care', I'll consider another.

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