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  1. #11
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    She sounds mentally unwell. Very, very unwell. I don’t really know what to advise but it honestly sounds like things could get worse if a baby is introduced as it might stir up even more emotions in her (jealousy etc). I hope for your sake that I’m wrong!

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  3. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hollywood View Post
    She sounds mentally unwell. Very, very unwell. I don’t really know what to advise but it honestly sounds like things could get worse if a baby is introduced as it might stir up even more emotions in her (jealousy etc). I hope for your sake that I’m wrong!
    Yes, unfortunately that’s my prediction too. We’ve had to just come to terms with the fact that is getting pregnant will never ever be something she will take well. My partner is 41 and I’m almost 37... There’s not a lot of room to wait so we have decided to do what is best for us on this front and deal with the fall out as best we can.

  4. #13
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    I would suggest you prepare yourself for an onslaught of her extreme behavior if/ when you're blessed with a baby.

    Some ex's will go to huge lengths to get their fill of drama.

    My dfs ex lived with HIS mum. His mum was a huge issue..(I'll just leave the word "narc" here). then we moved away because it started to get too much. We hadn't told them, but they somehow heard ?? I was pregnant, and his ex tried adding me, then messaged me on Facebook. I blocked her.
    She a started contacting all my family on Facebook asking for details about my pregnancy, who was the father, when was I due etc. I ended up fielding one on my mum's account and told her if she didn't back off I had the messages etc as proof of stealing and wouldn't hesitate to call the police.
    Haven't heard from her since. She's gone on to have at least 2 more kids (making it at least 5 kids to a minimum of 3 father's - 2 to df.)
    Last edited by shadowangel0205; 20-11-2019 at 22:27.

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  6. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by shadowangel0205 View Post
    I would suggest you prepare yourself for an onslaught of her extreme behavior if/ when you're blessed with a baby.

    Some ex's will go to huge lengths to get their fill of drama.

    My dfs ex lived with HIS mum. His mum was a huge issue..(I'll just leave the word "narc" here). then we moved away because it started to get too much. We hadn't told them, but they somehow heard ?? I was pregnant, and his ex tried adding me, then messaged me on Facebook. I blocked her.
    She a started contacting all my family on Facebook asking for details about my pregnancy, who was the father, when was I due etc. I ended up fielding one on my mum's account and told her if she didn't back off I had the messages etc as proof of stealing and wouldn't hesitate to call the police.
    Haven't heard from her since. She's gone on to have at least 2 more kids (making it at least 5 kids to a minimum of 3 father's - 2 to df.)
    Oh wow, it sounds like you and I have a lot in common. Narcissistic is definitely a term I would use in my situation as well...

    I’ve had to call the police once, when my partner went overseas on a golfing trip with his friends. As soon as he was on the plane she started on me. Telling me to get out of her house (we currently are living in the house where they lived when they were married but not for long now! Lol), give her back her family that I stole. She even threatened to kill my dogs.

    It’s extremely exhausting all of this, especially seeing as they had been Cleary separated for 6 years before I met him and she had been in a 5 year relationship with another man and had a son with him. My partner had also had a few short term relationships in that time so I was completely blind sided when this all started happening... It’s certainly tested our relationship and trust!

    It’s amazing how common the situation is... I’ve even found countless articles on the subject of dealing with a high conflict ex... and support groups!

    Incredible.

    I am a very low drama kind of person and usually just clean walk away from people like her so it’s a new experience to stay and have to build up tolerance.

    I am though and I’m slowly getting better at not losing my s?!t every time she starts.

    I hope your situation has gotten more manageable over the years

  7. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by JanieH View Post
    Oh wow, it sounds like you and I have a lot in common. Narcissistic is definitely a term I would use in my situation as well...

    I’ve had to call the police once, when my partner went overseas on a golfing trip with his friends. As soon as he was on the plane she started on me. Telling me to get out of her house (we currently are living in the house where they lived when they were married but not for long now! Lol), give her back her family that I stole. She even threatened to kill my dogs.

    It’s extremely exhausting all of this, especially seeing as they had been Cleary separated for 6 years before I met him and she had been in a 5 year relationship with another man and had a son with him. My partner had also had a few short term relationships in that time so I was completely blind sided when this all started happening... It’s certainly tested our relationship and trust!

    It’s amazing how common the situation is... I’ve even found countless articles on the subject of dealing with a high conflict ex... and support groups!

    Incredible.

    I am a very low drama kind of person and usually just clean walk away from people like her so it’s a new experience to stay and have to build up tolerance.

    I am though and I’m slowly getting better at not losing my s?!t every time she starts.

    I hope your situation has gotten more manageable over the years
    Yes, our situation has got better, eventually. It's been about 9 years since the ex contacted us

    Honestly my mil (mother in law) was way worse than the ex...the ex living with the mil was hard ...

    Apart from the messaging few times, once we left to get away from them all (the ex, Mil etc) because my mental health was failing from mils games..... she wasn't really a problem when I put her in her place.

    Although, dfs facebook name isn't his real one anymore to avoid being tracked by his ex or his mum.

    We cut ALL contact with MIL too about 7-8 years ago, and it's been so peaceful.

    Good luck.

  8. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by shadowangel0205 View Post
    Yes, our situation has got better, eventually. It's been about 9 years since the ex contacted us

    Honestly my mil (mother in law) was way worse than the ex...the ex living with the mil was hard ...

    Apart from the messaging few times, once we left to get away from them all (the ex, Mil etc) because my mental health was failing from mils games..... she wasn't really a problem when I put her in her place.

    Although, dfs facebook name isn't his real one anymore to avoid being tracked by his ex or his mum.

    We cut ALL contact with MIL too about 7-8 years ago, and it's been so peaceful.

    Good luck.
    Oh wow you poor thing! I am lucky and have an amazing set of in-laws but my best friend has a MIL and SIL that have caused a lot of issues for her over the years too. She and her husband had to sit down with them and explain that they were very controlling and catty on many fronts but I’m not sure what that really did in the end. The MIL still has little snide swipes at her, even in front of me as a guest!

    It’s an awful situation to be in. You somewhat expect a little resistance from an ex but from his mother? That is something that hurts deeply I’m sure as you would think she would be happy if he was happy.

    I feel for you, it’s unnecessary stress

  9. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by JanieH View Post
    Oh wow you poor thing! I am lucky and have an amazing set of in-laws but my best friend has a MIL and SIL that have caused a lot of issues for her over the years too. She and her husband had to sit down with them and explain that they were very controlling and catty on many fronts but I’m not sure what that really did in the end. The MIL still has little snide swipes at her, even in front of me as a guest!

    It’s an awful situation to be in. You somewhat expect a little resistance from an ex but from his mother? That is something that hurts deeply I’m sure as you would think she would be happy if he was happy.

    I feel for you, it’s unnecessary stress
    Thank you but it's really no stress now.

    Our lives are so much more relaxed and peaceful without them. I'm sure it hurts df but he doesn't let it show.
    I feel sad my children don't know their other grandmother, but really, they're better off not knowing her. She was unstable and not a good role model, or someone I wanted around my children.

    And my parents certainly make up for any shortfall. They absolutely adore both my parents. We live with my dad, and mum is about 5 mins away. They spend 1 night a week with mum each, sometimes more.

  10. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by shadowangel0205 View Post
    Thank you but it's really no stress now.

    Our lives are so much more relaxed and peaceful without them. I'm sure it hurts df but he doesn't let it show.
    I feel sad my children don't know their other grandmother, but really, they're better off not knowing her. She was unstable and not a good role model, or someone I wanted around my children.

    And my parents certainly make up for any shortfall. They absolutely adore both my parents. We live with my dad, and mum is about 5 mins away. They spend 1 night a week with mum each, sometimes more.
    That’s fantastic. So glad you’ve found a happy place with the people that you love

  11. #19
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    My ex had a child with a previous partner and I understood that some bitterness was to be expected. She spread rumours that I was a pot smoker (have never consumed pot in my life or any other illicit drug and her little one would call me her 'best friend' which I'm sure stirred up some feelings...

    That said, things never transcended into harassment, breaking and entering or any other behaviour that could be classified as criminal. Where drugs and mental illness are concerned, there's no predictable outcome. By all appearances - she's moved on. She's had other relationships, has had another child...but you may still find yourself a target.

    I would start keeping logs of her behaviour towards you - harassment, threats etc. Keep any phone logs and SMS's etc. You will not want to be dealing with any of this during or after pregnancy and if it gets to the point of police involvement, you'll have records to show.

    I'm not unsympathetic to her situation but there's no excuse for harassment, abuse etc. If she was male, we wouldn't be saying 'oh he's just hurting'. Take precautions, remove yourself from communication entirely (any comms should be between her and your partner as related to their child).

    There's no nice or gentle way to stop this kind of thing, unfortunately.

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  13. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elevatormusic View Post
    My ex had a child with a previous partner and I understood that some bitterness was to be expected. She spread rumours that I was a pot smoker (have never consumed pot in my life or any other illicit drug and her little one would call me her 'best friend' which I'm sure stirred up some feelings...

    That said, things never transcended into harassment, breaking and entering or any other behaviour that could be classified as criminal. Where drugs and mental illness are concerned, there's no predictable outcome. By all appearances - she's moved on. She's had other relationships, has had another child...but you may still find yourself a target.

    I would start keeping logs of her behaviour towards you - harassment, threats etc. Keep any phone logs and SMS's etc. You will not want to be dealing with any of this during or after pregnancy and if it gets to the point of police involvement, you'll have records to show.

    I'm not unsympathetic to her situation but there's no excuse for harassment, abuse etc. If she was male, we wouldn't be saying 'oh he's just hurting'. Take precautions, remove yourself from communication entirely (any comms should be between her and your partner as related to their child).

    There's no nice or gentle way to stop this kind of thing, unfortunately.
    Her family have reached out to my partner in regards to her behaviour and support I’m 100%. They’re doing their best on their end to improve the situation but she’s resisting.

    My partner and I have restricted all communication except for email and only about emails about his son are being responded to. We’ve blocked her phone numbers, multiple fake social media profiles and have made a previous police report of harassment and trespassing and have kept all correspondence and conflict events diarised.

    We’re hoping that her family can get through to her but, in the meantime, the pregnancy will be kept a secret from her and her family.

    It’s my partner’s son I worry about constantly. I can handle her abuse as I know where it comes from but I feel for him. She loses it when he’s there sometimes and often interrogated him about his dad and I. He gets so upset when that happens. It’s just awful that she is willing to do that to her own son.


 

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