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  1. #1
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    Default Cry it out?

    I know the cry it out method is frowned upon and I'm honestly not a fan either but...

    My 12 month old is extremely excitable - my presence or the sound of my voice is enough to get her jumping up and down etc. In the last month, she's been crying when put down for naps and at bedtime or in the middle of the night, randomly.

    I've taken her into my room (kept things dark and quiet) and tried to comfort her. She climbed over me for hours and got more and more awake instead of the opposite.

    I've tried walking in intermittently, soothing her, then walking back out. This extends the process infinitely - everytime I walk in, it's party time. Rocking, lullabys, patting, shooshing...all the things that are normally soothing and sleep inducing only get her pumped.

    If I let her 'cry it out' - it's full on screaming for 5-10 minutes max (sometimes 20 seconds) and then bam, she's fast asleep.

    I hate to hear her distressed - but all the other methods are too stimulating and she ends up sleep deprived.

    She's my first so I don't want to inadvertently cause her anxiety or god knows what according to new wave parenting but I don't know if responding to her cries is necessary beneficial in her case.

    Thoughts?

  2. #2
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    I don't think letting her cry it out at 1yo will cause her anxiety or life long damage, especially if you're strongly bonded and attentive to her at other times.
    As long as she is able to self settle (which it sounds like she was doing previously) I think go for it, this phase will probably be short lived and she'll resume her normal sleep patterns.
    My presence used to mean party time for DD as well, so I would try laying on the floor so she could see me but no other interaction but think it didn't really help.
    Ended up using the Happy Sleeper Sleep Wave method, where you do check ins every 5 minutes (verbal only)

  3. #3
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    Do you have a partner, OP? If so, do they get the same reaction?

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    Default Cry it out?

    .
    Last edited by KJane13; 12-11-2019 at 14:20.

  5. #5
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    She sounds a lot like my youngest girl.
    I think given what you have said what you are doing is fine. You’re obviously not really leaving her to cry it out. It sounds as if she has to release a bit of pent up stress before she falls asleep.
    Being able to adapt to what she needs and not continuing with things that don’t work just because they do for others will always be the best for you and your girl.
    I think you’re doing great.

  6. #6
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    Yep, always the same reaction. The crying is so intense that people who don't know her get alarmed thinking something's happened but nope, the moment she's picked up, she's as happy as a clam. She's extremely sociable so I'm thinking it might be early onset 'fomo' where she's thinking she's missing out on fun stuff 🙄 I've noticed it's worse if we've had guests over who were playing with her

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    Responding to your child's cries isn't new wave parenting. Have you read the continuum concept? I highly recommend it.

    Your daughter is growing up. She is gaining new perspective and as a result her habits may change. Suddenly she may feel it unfair to sleep or perhaps she realises that when mummy is around, it's often fun. It could also be that her brain cannot calm down easily because it is trying to grasp a new skill. Is she on the verge of reaching a new milestone? There are many reasons why a sleep pattern may suddenly change, and it's never to make things more difficult for us.

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    BettyV (13-11-2019),CharlieDE (14-11-2019)

  9. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elevatormusic View Post
    Yep, always the same reaction. The crying is so intense that people who don't know her get alarmed thinking something's happened but nope, the moment she's picked up, she's as happy as a clam. She's extremely sociable so I'm thinking it might be early onset 'fomo' where she's thinking she's missing out on fun stuff I've noticed it's worse if we've had guests over who were playing with her
    my dd is only 6 months but is also extremely social and i’ve noticed she can be like this too. dh also noticed she’d be happy in any other room but as soon as we walked her back to her own room, she would start crying again. we assumed this means she knows her room and knows it means sleep and wasn’t happy about it.

    no advice for you but just wanted to say my dd is similar and i expect it’ll continue as she gets older as it seems to be part of her temperament.

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    I’m a little familiar with the continuum concept and I’m not here to start a fuss about that but I think if that works for someone’s kids wonderful but it’s definitely not for everyone.

    I often feel in two minds about replying to some posts when I see my own kids behaviour past and present being talked about in someone else’s child. I don’t know if my kids have just gone through normal phases or if it means markers for potential issues for others.

    My youngest daughter slept well and settled fine as a small baby. As she became mobile the more hyper she got. My son was similar too. Any attempts to help them settle resulted in it stirring them up further.
    Personality trait, stage/phase or something more or other I don’t know. I don’t feel that leaving a one year old to have a cry, if you’re near by and she falls asleep soon after will harm her in any way.

    I tended to my babies every needs to the utmost of my ability and now I see no difference in them to kids who didn’t get the attention mine did and yeh at times I feel I did us both a disservice.

    All you can do is your best and what feels right to you. Some kids are more highly strung. And from my experience having 6 kids, personality traits do emerge early on and often do not change. I think it’s important to choose how you will respond early as it sets you up for the future.

    Sorry it’s long.

  12. #10
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    Our DD1 was older (2) but she was so similar. Any intervention made things worse taking hours at a time overnight to resettle.

    We had some help from a sleep consultant and things are so much better.

    We have a strict bedtime routine, milk, bath, dressed, stories, cuddles, in bed awake. The theory being that the way she falls asleep at the start of the night is what she will expect overnight (so bottles, cuddles etc).

    It was a rough 4 days with tears but she now loves bedtime and there is no fuss. She sleeps through most nights but if she does she self settles without any intervention.

    Those few days were so hard, CIO isn’t something I ever thought I would do but it just wasn’t sustainable.


 

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