How do I offer to be an egg donor to my friends?

[sunnyskies]

Hi everyone.
I have some long-term friends who I've known for 20+ years.. I am heartbroken that over the last 10+ years they have not been able to get pregnant.

During this time I've had 3 kids and my family is complete, and they are still trying.

I'm right at the cutoff of being too old to donate my eggs (37), however I've rung a couple of fertility centres and am hopeful that it might still be ok.

I'm wondering HOW to approach my friend and offer this to her... my questions are... I don't know what they're currently going through.. I know they've done IVF a few times but I don't know their circumstances and they don't share it. I dont know what to say, or how to offer, or even if they've moved on. Sometimes when I talk to them they say "if we ever have kids" etc.. so I can't see that they've decided to leave it.. but I just don't know if they've tried egg donation, or if they would ever even consider going through it with me.

I need to offer ASAP because of my age. I dont know if I'll be accepted, but I can't wait any longer, wondering "what-if", if I don't say anything.

Thoughts please, or advice on how to offer this to my friends? x

[Minimix88]

Hi everyone.
I have some long-term friends who I've known for 20+ years.. I am heartbroken that over the last 10+ years they have not been able to get pregnant.

During this time I've had 3 kids and my family is complete, and they are still trying.

I'm right at the cutoff of being too old to donate my eggs (37), however I've rung a couple of fertility centres and am hopeful that it might still be ok.

I'm wondering HOW to approach my friend and offer this to her... my questions are... I don't know what they're currently going through.. I know they've done IVF a few times but I don't know their circumstances and they don't share it. I dont know what to say, or how to offer, or even if they've moved on. Sometimes when I talk to them they say "if we ever have kids" etc.. so I can't see that they've decided to leave it.. but I just don't know if they've tried egg donation, or if they would ever even consider going through it with me.

I need to offer ASAP because of my age. I dont know if I'll be accepted, but I can't wait any longer, wondering "what-if", if I don't say anything.

Thoughts please, or advice on how to offer this to my friends? x

That’s very kind of you @sunnyskies 🥰 I don’t have any advice as such, just wanted to say that there’s every possibility that their infertility is male factor (or a combo) rather than being an issue with her eggs. Anyway ... good luck and I hope you get some great advice here on how to move forward with your very generous offer xxx

[PinkPopsicle]

what about starting a conversation about a book you've read recently which covers the issue of egg donation then drop it into the conversation that you're happy to be a donor if any friends needed but you know theres an age cutoff coming soon.
theres a couple of recent-ish books outs that cover this topic.

[PinkPopsicle]

the greatest gift by rachael johns and theres another one but cant remember the title

[Mod-Wise Enough]

I would just say “look I don’t know if you’re still trying, or if you would even be interested, but I’m happy to donate eggs if that would help you”.

[Kalina]

I wouldn't beat around the bush too much, if you don't quite know where they are up to our what pain they have gone through (losses, etc) there is a risk that even a kind offer badly worded could be perceived as flaunting your fertility. Not because that would be your intention, but infertility is really hard and there are times when women going through it for a long time can be hypersensitive.

I also think a forthright approach is best - say what you have to say, say it matter of factly. But I'm a fairly forthright person and i appreciate the same in a close friend - you know your friend best.

[sunnyskies]

Thanks so much everyone, I really appreciate your replies.
I just kinda blabbed it out to her and said I had no idea where they were up to in terms of their fertility journey. I said I'd done some research and I'd never thought of ever donating eggs to anyone, but I would do it for them if they ever needed.

They are grateful but I think it's a no, they'd prefer not to receive from a friend.. incase they think too much into it down the track.. being a child made from myself and her husband.

So anyway I felt much better just saying it.. got it out there and feeling relieved now. If they change their mind short term I'll be right there to give it a go with them. Otherwise I've offered, so that's that.

Thankyou!