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  1. #1
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    Default Child acting out at school but an opposite at home?

    Hello,

    Has anyone here got experience with kids acting out at school but just a completely opposite at home? I'm currently at loss with words with DS and his school as it's been a challenging school year for him and I think I'm getting to the point where I'm so fed up of everything school related.

    I seriously don't know where to start as there's a lot of things going on here. When he started Year 3 earlier this year I was told that he was pretty disobedient in class on top of his lack of concentration and focus (FYI he has been diagnosed with mild ADHD, unmedicated, but we always give him the best learning and coaching as we can at home!). In term 1 his teacher pointed out to me that his focus was the biggest obstacle with DS to thrive her class. She'd like everyone to tune in to her when she is teaching. I've been reminded all the time by the school that this is Year 3 where learning and studying are taken seriously, disobedients are not tolerated, expectations are higher than stage 1, etc, etc. So I OK-ed them saying that i'd do more coaching with him and hopefully that eases up his disobedient behaviour if he gets used to seeing school work at home.

    In term 3 he started to develop anger, frustration, negativity towards people, always thinks that people are rude and challenging him, sensitive and thinks that he's always under the radar and feels different than the rest of his peers (he recently told me that he knows he's quite outspoken and many kids in his class aren't and his teacher doesn't like him because of that). He's been involved in quite a few serious incidents and according to his principal it's becoming quite regular and the bad list has piled up unfortunately. At the end of last term things finally started to take its toll and his principal said they would issue a suspension warning because DS got physical after a disagreement with another student (it wasn't a brawl but it was bad enough for the school to notice as I'm pretty sure he's been "labelled" and every single mistake he makes would definitely count!).


    But the most common incidents that the school find highly concerning are:
    • Anger and frustration (gets triggered easily)
    • has to be removed from the class on a daily basis because his frustration has prevented him to settle down in class and come back to class only after he calms down
    • disobeying the teacher and back chatting (has involved swearing too I've been told)
    He's able to vocalise himself very well but unfortunately he's unable to problem solve conflicts or handle disappointments. Some of his teachers told me that they have been trying to motivate him when he gets frustrated but he seems very defiant and will get angry if he wont get his own way.

    DS told me today that there was an incident which he got frustrated with another kid (DS seems like the instigator) but the other kid threw a chair at him to retaliate but DS told me he was the one who was getting a mouthful from his teacher although the other kid threw a chair at him. He told me just then "Mum I'm just tired, l will just take the suspension." . I asked him why did you even instigate that incident. He told me that he suddenly remembered he was on a suspension warning and he felt like it's useless anyway to behave nicely and it kinda triggered him to act out.

    We've just started seeing a psychologist and we will work on a plan soon. I just wonder why is a boy who is thriving very well at home, i.e., helpful, sweet, polite, communicative can be completely the opposite at school? I don't think there's any serious incident relating to daycare/pre-school/school in his learning years that has traumatized him.

    Any advice appreciated.
    Last edited by Agashi; 16-10-2019 at 20:21.

  2. #2
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    Default Child acting out at school but an opposite at home?

    Why is he like that at home? Because he has all the assistance he needs plus your undivided attention with zero distractions. You can’t expect an ADHD child to be able to focus in class with a class full of children/noise/movement etc. It just doesn’t work for children like him. Especially without being medicated.
    Last edited by BigRedV; 16-10-2019 at 20:22.

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    babybeeno1 (16-10-2019)

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    I don't have a child with adhd/add or anything, but to me it sounds like he's crying out for help. He sounds like he's really struggling, overwhelmed, and just can't cope so then lashes out.
    He sounds like he needs extra support. Does the school provide any? Is he entitled to any Support through NDIS?

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    It sounds like he is crying out for help.

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    He has a medical condition that isn’t being treated adequately, so class would be continually stressful and difficult for him. There aren’t the same pressures at home.

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    BigRedV (17-10-2019)

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    Quote Originally Posted by shadowangel0205 View Post
    I don't have a child with adhd/add or anything, but to me it sounds like he's crying out for help. He sounds like he's really struggling, overwhelmed, and just can't cope so then lashes out.
    He sounds like he needs extra support. Does the school provide any? Is he entitled to any Support through NDIS?
    Not sure about other states but unless funded by the school, ADHD in NSW doesn’t qualify for extra support unless there’s multiple dx.

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    Quote Originally Posted by BigRedV View Post
    Not sure about other states but unless funded by the school, ADHD in NSW doesn’t qualify for extra support unless there’s multiple dx.
    Thanks for that.
    I don't know how it all works, or what they can/can't get support for.
    It doesn't seem fair. Children with add/adhd need support too.

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    Quote Originally Posted by shadowangel0205 View Post
    Thanks for that.
    I don't know how it all works, or what they can/can't get support for.
    It doesn't seem fair. Children with add/adhd need support too.
    I know. I have one in my class. He needs a lot of one on one to focus and compete work but I have 16 other kids (first year of school) so I try my best but they need me too.

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    Quote Originally Posted by BigRedV View Post
    I know. I have one in my class. He needs a lot of one on one to focus and compete work but I have 16 other kids (first year of school) so I try my best but they need me too.
    Yeah, there's no way as a teacher you could support them as much as they need, plus run your class with everyone else yourself. Teachers are brilliant, but they are also human, with limits

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    Basically, his needs aren’t being met at school. It’s a very overwhelming, intense environment for over 6 hours a day and with ADHD, I medicated, it’d be nearly impossible for him to concentrate and control his impulses.

    Home is safer, calmer and far less taxing.

    I was going to suggest a psych so glad you’ve linked up with one.

    I have a student in my class this year who contributes and completes work to a much higher standard when he is medicated for his ADHD. It’s been a new diagnosis so his dr has altered the meds a little but through lots of communication between me and his parents (and completing evaluations for the dr) the dosage seems to be great now. It hasn’t turned this student into a zombie, the student is now demonstrating his potential and making progress.

    Good luck with all of this, I hope you and your son finds the support and professional advice that’s will help.


 

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