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  1. #1001
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    Quote Originally Posted by Makeuplover40 View Post
    Hello ladies I am starting to think about if my DE journey is successful do you tell the child the truth on how they were conceived?

    To the ladies that have DE children have you told them and if not do you plan to tell them in the future?
    There’s so many different opinions and each with such valid reasons!

    We’ve decided to tell our bub. All our close family and friends already know about our donor journey, partly because they all knew our extensive ivf journey with own eggs and they were a great support through that. But mainly because we didn’t want her to feel like we’d kept it a secret, like she was something we were ashamed of and we wanted her to be able to discuss it with our family without having to ‘tell’ them.

    We’ll also discretely tell her teachers just to give them the heads up in case she mentions something at school (I’m a teacher and it’s really handy to have a bit of background info, particularly in the younger years incase conversations or emotions arise). But apart from that we plan on telling her that it’s up to her who she wants to share it with because it’s her story.

    We’ve already bought a book to start reading to her once she’s born so that there was never a time she didn’t know if that makes sense.

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  3. #1002
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hopeful137 View Post
    There’s so many different opinions and each with such valid reasons!

    We’ve decided to tell our bub. All our close family and friends already know about our donor journey, partly because they all knew our extensive ivf journey with own eggs and they were a great support through that. But mainly because we didn’t want her to feel like we’d kept it a secret, like she was something we were ashamed of and we wanted her to be able to discuss it with our family without having to ‘tell’ them.

    We’ll also discretely tell her teachers just to give them the heads up in case she mentions something at school (I’m a teacher and it’s really handy to have a bit of background info, particularly in the younger years incase conversations or emotions arise). But apart from that we plan on telling her that it’s up to her who she wants to share it with because it’s her story.

    We’ve already bought a book to start reading to her once she’s born so that there was never a time she didn’t know if that makes sense.
    Thank ypu for replying. I totally understand what you are saying and have valid points.

    The issue here is my husband does not want to tell the child (if we have one). The only person who knows about our DE journey is my mum. No other family members know and we don't want them to either. But I keep thinking about if we have a child through DE I don't want it randomly finding out later on in life and resenting me.

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  5. #1003
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    @Makeuplover40 we plan to tell dd2. I totally get both sides of this, those who tell and those who don't, but for me the clincher is that I don't want a secret like that between me and my child. I think secrets get between people, and have a habit of getting out one way or another.

    I don't want her to find out from someone else - whether it's a genetic test she takes as an adult for a joke, or for a (universe forbid) medical reason, or if DH and I were to break up one day and he blurted it out in anger. (I'd like to think that would never happen, but it's a scenario you can never rule out when two people share a secret.)

    And, fundamentally, I like to think it won't matter one bit. I love her, and just like my other daughter she will hear that and know that every single day of her life, while I'm around and after. Also, once she meets some of my extended family she might be relieved to know she isn't genetically related.

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  7. #1004
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    we are in the no tell camp, first and foremost its because we also have oe children and i dont want our de children to feel any differently to our others, plus we didnt want our others to treat these ones any differently to them, they are our kids and i dont feel the way they were conceived makes any difference to that, we live in a very small town, i also didnt want them to ne known as those de kids, i want them to have a normal life if there is anything such as that lol, also we wouldnt have been supported in our decision by family to per-sue this avenue, so this is no one elses business. you just need to figure out whats right for you and your husband, there is no right or wrong.

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  9. #1005
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    Plus before embarking on DE IVF I told my parents (wanted their support, shocked that I actually got it), my brother and SIL. I've never asked any of them to keep it a secret. I've just asked my brother and SIL not to tell their kids before I tell mine.

    If you do decide to keep it to yourselves, you pretty much shouldn't tell anyone. The more people that share a secret, the greater the likelihood that it will come out, one way or another.

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  11. #1006
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    Quote Originally Posted by Makeuplover40 View Post
    Thank ypu for replying. I totally understand what you are saying and have valid points.

    The issue here is my husband does not want to tell the child (if we have one). The only person who knows about our DE journey is my mum. No other family members know and we don't want them to either. But I keep thinking about if we have a child through DE I don't want it randomly finding out later on in life and resenting me.
    We have chosen not to tell, well at this stage anyway. We have not ever told anyone. It is not in any hospital records or doctors notes. The only people who know are my fs and the Greek clinic.
    We are not going to lie about it we just don’t think it is that important. We figure by the time our son is old enough to ask such a question DE will be soo common it will not be a big deal.
    It’s not something that is very likely to be brought up in conversation is it. How many kids go around asking their parents how they were conceived? Families are made up of all different kinds of people these days, kids are now taught that at school. Of course we may change our mind at some point, who knows!

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  13. #1007
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    Quote Originally Posted by Moc24 View Post
    We have chosen not to tell, well at this stage anyway. We have not ever told anyone. It is not in any hospital records or doctors notes. The only people who know are my fs and the Greek clinic.
    We are not going to lie about it we just don’t think it is that important. We figure by the time our son is old enough to ask such a question DE will be soo common it will not be a big deal.
    It’s not something that is very likely to be brought up in conversation is it. How many kids go around asking their parents how they were conceived? Families are made up of all different kinds of people these days, kids are now taught that at school. Of course we may change our mind at some point, who knows!
    I've been thinking about how to discuss it with my children partly because DD1 very much did start asking about how babies are conceived, at about 4yo from memory. She asked, a lot. She didn't use the word 'conceived' of course, she asked me how she came to be in my belly etc. So I told her about conception (in an age-appropriate way of course). She was incredulous....'I came from an egg.... like a bird??'

    Now DD1 also knows that sometimes you need doctors to help you have a baby, and that we needed some help to have DD2. I'll give more info once DD2 is old enough and interested.

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  15. #1008
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    Quote Originally Posted by Risa78 View Post
    I did PIO for 16 weeks. Not the most fun time I’m afraid.

    I did the injections myself, just in the upper outer quadrant of my bum. Rotate sides each time and a slightly different spot. Try to avoid injecting into a lump if you can. It’s actually not that hard to reach once you get the hang of it - you really do want the upper outer sides as it hurts more in the middle of your bum anyway!

    I didn’t use ice but some ladies say that helps. Emla gel is another option.

    My technique was:
    - warm vial in your bra for 10-15 mins (if it’s a multi use vial then draw up into syringe then rub syringe back and forth fast in your palms so friction warms it)
    - hold needle in your closed palm with thumb on top ready to inject
    - stab it in fast but inject super slowly
    - I white often m bled so have tissue or something handy. If it bleeds apply pressure for a couple of minutes
    - I then used to lie down for about 15-20 minutes on a hot wheat bag - the warmth helps disperse the oil to help prevent hard painful lumps forming
    - then give it a good massage
    - each day I’d massage injection areas regularly (eg every time I’d pop to loos I’d give myself a quick massage). I used Arnica oil which is brilliant but not sure if available here in Oz or what alternative might be. If you use anything like that don’t use for a few hours either side of injection

    Feel free to pm me if you have any Q’s as I am not in here that often.

    Best of luck

    R
    Great tips @Risa78 I'll try the heat pack one this time round.

    You are braver than me. I've no problem doing the belly ones but PIO I've always had DH (he hates doing them) or my GP do them

  16. #1009
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    Default Egg Donation Greece #19

    I have an almost 7 year old DD, so I mention here and there.... mummy’s eggs weren’t well and a kind woman who looked exactly like me had lots and she shared some with me... so we could make your baby sister and she grew in my tummy just like you..
    My DD is unphased and maybe that comes from the fact that we talk about families come in all shapes and sizes too....when I test to see If she understands, she’s like... I get it, no big deal.... My second daughter 20 months... well she’s too little yet. I wish everyone the very best and respect all of the warrior mummas regardless of whether you tell or not x

    Just to clarify - it’s my 20 month that’s the DE
    Last edited by Phia; Yesterday at 18:04.

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  18. #1010
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    I plan to tell, everyone we know, knows about our journey. Id like DD to just have always known. I dont want to do that "your father and i have something to tell you..." convo. She's only 2 but at the moment i talk aboit how i went on a big plane to go and get her put in my tummy. She's big on planes at the moment so i talk about stuff she can understand. I figure it doesnt matter at all to us, but it probably will be a part of her identity that is missing and will matter to here one day and i plan to totally acknowledge that and accept responsibility for the unknown donor aspect which was ultimately a decision I made which affects her. I know she will be loved amd as a parent that's all I can do and I hope that the love will sustain her through any issues she may have as she grows, especially through the teenage years when identity formation is so prevalent uet the emotional and rational intelligence isn't as developed. That's just my thinking on it for what feels right for my family though. Each to their own xx

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