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  1. #1001
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    Quote Originally Posted by Makeuplover40 View Post
    Hello ladies I am starting to think about if my DE journey is successful do you tell the child the truth on how they were conceived?

    To the ladies that have DE children have you told them and if not do you plan to tell them in the future?
    There’s so many different opinions and each with such valid reasons!

    We’ve decided to tell our bub. All our close family and friends already know about our donor journey, partly because they all knew our extensive ivf journey with own eggs and they were a great support through that. But mainly because we didn’t want her to feel like we’d kept it a secret, like she was something we were ashamed of and we wanted her to be able to discuss it with our family without having to ‘tell’ them.

    We’ll also discretely tell her teachers just to give them the heads up in case she mentions something at school (I’m a teacher and it’s really handy to have a bit of background info, particularly in the younger years incase conversations or emotions arise). But apart from that we plan on telling her that it’s up to her who she wants to share it with because it’s her story.

    We’ve already bought a book to start reading to her once she’s born so that there was never a time she didn’t know if that makes sense.

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  3. #1002
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hopeful137 View Post
    There’s so many different opinions and each with such valid reasons!

    We’ve decided to tell our bub. All our close family and friends already know about our donor journey, partly because they all knew our extensive ivf journey with own eggs and they were a great support through that. But mainly because we didn’t want her to feel like we’d kept it a secret, like she was something we were ashamed of and we wanted her to be able to discuss it with our family without having to ‘tell’ them.

    We’ll also discretely tell her teachers just to give them the heads up in case she mentions something at school (I’m a teacher and it’s really handy to have a bit of background info, particularly in the younger years incase conversations or emotions arise). But apart from that we plan on telling her that it’s up to her who she wants to share it with because it’s her story.

    We’ve already bought a book to start reading to her once she’s born so that there was never a time she didn’t know if that makes sense.
    Thank ypu for replying. I totally understand what you are saying and have valid points.

    The issue here is my husband does not want to tell the child (if we have one). The only person who knows about our DE journey is my mum. No other family members know and we don't want them to either. But I keep thinking about if we have a child through DE I don't want it randomly finding out later on in life and resenting me.

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  5. #1003
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    @Makeuplover40 we plan to tell dd2. I totally get both sides of this, those who tell and those who don't, but for me the clincher is that I don't want a secret like that between me and my child. I think secrets get between people, and have a habit of getting out one way or another.

    I don't want her to find out from someone else - whether it's a genetic test she takes as an adult for a joke, or for a (universe forbid) medical reason, or if DH and I were to break up one day and he blurted it out in anger. (I'd like to think that would never happen, but it's a scenario you can never rule out when two people share a secret.)

    And, fundamentally, I like to think it won't matter one bit. I love her, and just like my other daughter she will hear that and know that every single day of her life, while I'm around and after. Also, once she meets some of my extended family she might be relieved to know she isn't genetically related.

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  7. #1004
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    we are in the no tell camp, first and foremost its because we also have oe children and i dont want our de children to feel any differently to our others, plus we didnt want our others to treat these ones any differently to them, they are our kids and i dont feel the way they were conceived makes any difference to that, we live in a very small town, i also didnt want them to ne known as those de kids, i want them to have a normal life if there is anything such as that lol, also we wouldnt have been supported in our decision by family to per-sue this avenue, so this is no one elses business. you just need to figure out whats right for you and your husband, there is no right or wrong.

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  9. #1005
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    Plus before embarking on DE IVF I told my parents (wanted their support, shocked that I actually got it), my brother and SIL. I've never asked any of them to keep it a secret. I've just asked my brother and SIL not to tell their kids before I tell mine.

    If you do decide to keep it to yourselves, you pretty much shouldn't tell anyone. The more people that share a secret, the greater the likelihood that it will come out, one way or another.

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