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  1. #11
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    A six year old is still a baby in the grand scheme of things - emotionally underdeveloped and unable to really understand/express/deal with feelings like jealousy. Also, some kids are just more unpleasant than others - sometimes there's no real reason, sometimes it's that they're not disciplined/parented in the way they need etc. They could grow out of it within a year and become totally different - it's definitely not a sign of a permanent attitude at this age.

    That said, while you can't do much to change Penny, but you can monitor and remove your child from situations that are unkind. My 7 year old nephew is a really unpleasant kid - while I'd parent him very differently if he were my own, it's not my place so all I can do is monitor interaction and remove bub when he gets over the top.

  2. #12
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    I have a 6 year old (Also a 9, 8 and 4 year old) and my 6 year old can be a right little snot to his siblings. He's also the most beautiful sweet loving boy you could ever come across! Him annoying his siblings is straight up attention seeking - I know this as a parent, but I also couldn't give him any more attention if I tried! It's just that he's little, he's pushing boundaries, seeing what he can get away with, how much people will take before they go off.
    Penelope sounds a bit more bratty than my son, but testing similar boundaries. It also sounds like she probably has not been pulled up on undesirable behaviors too often so has not seen a lot of consequence to acting up.
    I'm not saying this means you should just put up with Penny being nasty and bratty and put it down to her age and being spoiled by her parents. In fact quite the opposite. Pull her up on her behavior, let her know she is not to treat her cousin like that and that you won't stand for it If you don't, and her parents don't, how will she learn?
    BUT in saying that... keep in mind that she IS only 6.... and she has been let be who she is.... she's just a bub. Not a bully. But she could be a bully in the making.

  3. #13
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    I think she sounds like a spoilt little brat to be honest. The pulling of your DD's pants down is nasty and done so everyone would laugh at her. That's mean. I would keep your DD away from her as much as possible and pull 'Penelope' up whenever she is mean if her parents aren't doing so......I don't think you are over reacting at all.

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  5. #14
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    Sounds like a jealous kid. Definitely some nasty behaviour going on, especially pulling your little ones pants down, that would **** me off big time.

  6. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cat1001 View Post
    Warning: This is a long post.

    In short, the place I come from is ruled by my dictating narcissistic mother, with me as the family scapegoat. DH's family is all about support, understanding, loyalty and equality.

    Having been bullied by my own mother my whole life (and still to this day) I hope never to see this kind of thing happen to my little girl, but I know that what I need to do is arm her to the teeth with the tools to stand her ground and trust her gut. I'm a realist. Mean people exist. And I know all too well that mean people have relatives, it's sometimes the ones closest to you that can pose the greatest threat to your sanity and well being.

    Thoughts?
    It sounds like you had a very difficult upbringing and this may have a lasting impact on how you see this type of interactions. As you said yourself, you have difficulty trusting your instincts and are now looking from outside perspective on this. However, when you explain the incident it’s already coloured through your own interpretation of the situation.

    You want to protect you child from bullies and you are quite sensitive (for a very valid reason) to bullying behaviour. You see it now with your niece and likely will see when your daughter goes to school too. And you may continue to second guess yourself and seek reassurance from others, while this is all boiling inside you.

    I think that if you haven’t done so, it would be good for you (and your daughter) if you sought professional help to deal with the scars you carry from the difficult (?traumatic) relationship you have with your mother.

    Parenting is a hard gig and it constantly stirs up emotions and sometimes it opens up old wounds.

    As for the 6yo Penelope, it sounds like she is seeking attention like you said. Maybe she feels jealous. However I think that your emotional reaction to her seems too strong

  7. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by Molros View Post
    I think she sounds like a spoilt little brat to be honest. The pulling of your DD's pants down is nasty and done so everyone would laugh at her. That's mean. I would keep your DD away from her as much as possible and pull 'Penelope' up whenever she is mean if her parents aren't doing so......I don't think you are over reacting at all.
    i agree with this.

  8. #17
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    Ooh I would be angry about the pulling down of her pants and laughing at her. I have a 5 year old son who can be a handful but he would never do something like that! Alarm bells rang for me when I read your post. Definitely follow your daughter around or have her with you if possible when Penny is around. It sounds like she’s jealous and as your daughter gets older she might bully her further. Hopefully this doesn’t happen but kids can be mean, even when they’re young!

  9. #18
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    So I'm going to go against the grain here. I think you have bigger problems than Penelope. It doesn't seem right that a 6 year old would have a mindset advanced enough to throw around a line like:

    "Do you cut your own hair or go to a really cheap hairdresser?"

    That type of snark is adult like. Children's insults at 6yo are far more basic and cringe worthy, e.g. "you stink like poop" or "your ugly" etc.

    Also, she bought a teddy to school after being called out? 6yo's aren't self aware enough to consider how they can leverage a situation to appear like the good guy. Half of them can't even read simple chapter books let alone understand the nuances of psychology.

    I think there is some behind the scenes work here, namely your SIL. She may look like a great parent, but narcissists are fantastic at looking like the innocent party. I think your SIL is the one you need to talk to here, not the child. Her child is just the product of her attitude and words. How would the child know of the income disparity, if someone hadn't mentioned it to her? I'm sure she didn't hack into your bank account, take a look and come to a conclusion herself. Someone, somewhere has TOLD her. Someone, somewhere is making remarks and she is parroting them. She is simply echoing the disrespect that has been shown behind your back.

    Your SIL's first child being sweet and non-bully like is no indication that it's not the parent here. The oldest child could have simply not taken under the mother's wing as much as the second child did.

    Pulling down your DD's pants is not acceptable. For that alone, I would limit unsupervised contact with Penelope. Your daughter does not have to be victim to this type of behaviour just to appease family. Be warned though, there will be backlash and you will be made out to be the difficult one.

    Also, I'm sorry you have a narcissistic mother. I do too. I am still dealing with the psychological aftermath to this day (and I'm nearing 40). I am still learning what a healthy boundary looks like. Big hugs. xx


 

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