Bully in disguise? Normal behaviour? Or am I imagining this?

[Elevatormusic]

A six year old is still a baby in the grand scheme of things - emotionally underdeveloped and unable to really understand/express/deal with feelings like jealousy. Also, some kids are just more unpleasant than others - sometimes there's no real reason, sometimes it's that they're not disciplined/parented in the way they need etc. They could grow out of it within a year and become totally different - it's definitely not a sign of a permanent attitude at this age.

That said, while you can't do much to change Penny, but you can monitor and remove your child from situations that are unkind. My 7 year old nephew is a really unpleasant kid - while I'd parent him very differently if he were my own, it's not my place so all I can do is monitor interaction and remove bub when he gets over the top.

[CazHazKidz]

I have a 6 year old (Also a 9, 8 and 4 year old) and my 6 year old can be a right little snot to his siblings. He's also the most beautiful sweet loving boy you could ever come across! Him annoying his siblings is straight up attention seeking - I know this as a parent, but I also couldn't give him any more attention if I tried! It's just that he's little, he's pushing boundaries, seeing what he can get away with, how much people will take before they go off.
Penelope sounds a bit more bratty than my son, but testing similar boundaries. It also sounds like she probably has not been pulled up on undesirable behaviors too often so has not seen a lot of consequence to acting up.
I'm not saying this means you should just put up with Penny being nasty and bratty and put it down to her age and being spoiled by her parents. In fact quite the opposite. Pull her up on her behavior, let her know she is not to treat her cousin like that and that you won't stand for it If you don't, and her parents don't, how will she learn?
BUT in saying that... keep in mind that she IS only 6.... and she has been let be who she is.... she's just a bub. Not a bully. But she could be a bully in the making.

[Molros]

I think she sounds like a spoilt little brat to be honest. The pulling of your DD's pants down is nasty and done so everyone would laugh at her. That's mean. I would keep your DD away from her as much as possible and pull 'Penelope' up whenever she is mean if her parents aren't doing so......I don't think you are over reacting at all.

[Tinkers]

Sounds like a jealous kid. Definitely some nasty behaviour going on, especially pulling your little ones pants down, that would **** me off big time.

[Starfish30]

Warning: This is a long post.

In short, the place I come from is ruled by my dictating narcissistic mother, with me as the family scapegoat. DH's family is all about support, understanding, loyalty and equality.

Having been bullied by my own mother my whole life (and still to this day) I hope never to see this kind of thing happen to my little girl, but I know that what I need to do is arm her to the teeth with the tools to stand her ground and trust her gut. I'm a realist. Mean people exist. And I know all too well that mean people have relatives, it's sometimes the ones closest to you that can pose the greatest threat to your sanity and well being.

Thoughts?

It sounds like you had a very difficult upbringing and this may have a lasting impact on how you see this type of interactions. As you said yourself, you have difficulty trusting your instincts and are now looking from outside perspective on this. However, when you explain the incident it’s already coloured through your own interpretation of the situation.

You want to protect you child from bullies and you are quite sensitive (for a very valid reason) to bullying behaviour. You see it now with your niece and likely will see when your daughter goes to school too. And you may continue to second guess yourself and seek reassurance from others, while this is all boiling inside you.

I think that if you haven’t done so, it would be good for you (and your daughter) if you sought professional help to deal with the scars you carry from the difficult (?traumatic) relationship you have with your mother.

Parenting is a hard gig and it constantly stirs up emotions and sometimes it opens up old wounds.

As for the 6yo Penelope, it sounds like she is seeking attention like you said. Maybe she feels jealous. However I think that your emotional reaction to her seems too strong

[PinkPopsicle]

I think she sounds like a spoilt little brat to be honest. The pulling of your DD's pants down is nasty and done so everyone would laugh at her. That's mean. I would keep your DD away from her as much as possible and pull 'Penelope' up whenever she is mean if her parents aren't doing so......I don't think you are over reacting at all.

i agree with this.