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  1. #1
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    Default They say I am having an affair with a married man but he's separated!

    I met this gorgeous man back in 2017. He was separated from his wife and talking about divorcing her.
    I didn't know much about her at the time. Apparently, her mother had died and he had left her soon over. She made his life so miserable. She spent the majority of her time caring for mother(not that that is a bad thing) but she hardly catered for his needs. They never went on holidays or did anything "fun' together.
    She had fertility, issues as well and was unable to give him the baby he so desired.

    We met on a dating site and he said I was his "dream girl". The girl he had always longed for.

    As soon as his divorce comes through, we are going to get married and start to have a family. I am so excited and can't wait to start my life with him.

    But I have been receiving some flack from some people telling me I am committing adultery as he is still married.
    The fact is:-

    He was so unhappy with her. She made his life a living hell. Her mother had dementia and she had to spend most of her time with her. She could have put her in a nursing home, but chose not to.

    She couldn't even give him a baby.

    She put on weight and complained that she couldn't lose it.
    He said she drove him mad!


    He is separated from her and loves me dearly.
    That is what is more important.

    I'm so hurt and upset by some people who tell me I am doing the wrong thing.
    But I make him happy and that is what is more important.

    I've joined here as I am getting ready for marriage one day soon and a baby.
    I can't wait!
    I've been reading some of the posts about pregnancy, etc.

    Please tell me I am not in the wrong.

    I see him so happy now. He's with the woman of his dreams and that's me!

    I'm sure there are others here who have been through this. A separated man dating a girl is not wrong.

    He's just saving some money for the divorce. He wants to do the right thing by her and I applaud him for that. He is a decent guy.

  2. #2
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    My parents were legally separated for 7 years before getting an actual divorce - there was no thought of them still being married during that time and each had a new partner.

    I wouldn’t put too much weight into what his wife was like to help your argument as it takes ‘two to tango’ but it sounds like you didn’t break up their marriage so in my opinion, you’ve done nothing wrong.

    People will have different views - I’d try to ignore the negative views or express that they’re unwanted. Good luck in your journey

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  4. #3
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    I think your phrase that she couldn’t even give him a baby is terrible.

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  6. #4
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    I'm sorry. I didn't mean it that way. I do feel sad that she wasn't able to give him a child. I know it's something he longed for.
    Last edited by Cherryblossomgirl; 30-09-2019 at 22:42. Reason: no edit

  7. #5
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    If they were officially separated before he started contacting you, then I agree, you've done nothing wrong.

    Even if they weren't separated... and you didn't know, I still maintain you did nothing wrong. Although in that case, I do believe he's at fault IF they were together and he was speaking to you.
    If they were together and you knew.... then I do think you did the wrong thing....

    However, many of your points to "justify" your relationship/their breakup seem irrelevant, unjust, and just a general cop out to me...

    The fact she cared for her mother shows she was nurturing. There's only so much any one can give...a caring partner would be supportive of that.

    Fertility issues could happen to anyone at any time. Even you... you may also struggle to concieve... what if he has fertility issues too?? I don't mean that in an awful way but it's unknown until you get there. I think it's naive to places the blame solely on one party, unless there's been extensive testing, and even then it's no ones actual fault for having difficulty conceiving. It's very unfortunate, but it can't be helped any Moe than you can control the colour of your eyes or skin.

    Weight gain can happen to anyone. Surely he's not that shallow?!? This raises alarm bells for me. Would he still like you at 9 months pregnant?? Or 3 months after when you've got a baby that doesn't sleep longer than an hour at a time, you haven't brushed your hair in 2 days, your in you"re pjs, smelling of off milk, bags under your eyes, desperate for a shower and still frumpy because by the time you've cared for your tiny human you are too exhausted to even consider exercise.....???

    It's ok to just have him say they tried, but they grew apart or just didn't have feelings for eachother anymore. It happens.

    It doesn't need to be justified by reasons that (I'm sorry if this is harsh, but I find them offensive, shaming and hurtful) he's not admitting to any of his part in the relationship breakdown at all?

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  9. #6
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    I understand what you are saying. He loves me very much so I doubt he will find me offensive after Having a baby(if we happen to have one)

    I think she had the fertility issues he told me.

  10. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by Juventina View Post
    I think your phrase that she couldn’t even give him a baby is terrible.
    And she put on weight! Just nasty all round.

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  12. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by shadowangel0205 View Post
    If they were officially separated before he started contacting you, then I agree, you've done nothing wrong.

    Even if they weren't separated... and you didn't know, I still maintain you did nothing wrong. Although in that case, I do believe he's at fault IF they were together and he was speaking to you.
    If they were together and you knew.... then I do think you did the wrong thing....

    However, many of your points to "justify" your relationship/their breakup seem irrelevant, unjust, and just a general cop out to me...

    The fact she cared for her mother shows she was nurturing. There's only so much any one can give...a caring partner would be supportive of that.

    Fertility issues could happen to anyone at any time. Even you... you may also struggle to concieve... what if he has fertility issues too?? I don't mean that in an awful way but it's unknown until you get there. I think it's naive to places the blame solely on one party, unless there's been extensive testing, and even then it's no ones actual fault for having difficulty conceiving. It's very unfortunate, but it can't be helped any Moe than you can control the colour of your eyes or skin.

    Weight gain can happen to anyone. Surely he's not that shallow?!? This raises alarm bells for me. Would he still like you at 9 months pregnant?? Or 3 months after when you've got a baby that doesn't sleep longer than an hour at a time, you haven't brushed your hair in 2 days, your in you"re pjs, smelling of off milk, bags under your eyes, desperate for a shower and still frumpy because by the time you've cared for your tiny human you are too exhausted to even consider exercise.....???

    It's ok to just have him say they tried, but they grew apart or just didn't have feelings for eachother anymore. It happens.

    It doesn't need to be justified by reasons that (I'm sorry if this is harsh, but I find them offensive, shaming and hurtful) he's not admitting to any of his part in the relationship breakdown at all?
    All of this! Good luck if these are his reasons for his last marriage ending!

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  14. #9
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    This is what he shared with me. I know it sounded harsh. I don't think he meant any harm by what he said. He really is a lovely guy

  15. #10
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    It's hard to imagine but he really is a nice guy. It does take two to make and break a marriage. I know he probably has faults but she didn't put much of an effort into the marriage.


 

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