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  1. #1
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    Default Should we have a third?

    Bit of a back story- my husband and I have been together for 11 years and have 4 year old twins. I had a pretty rough pregnancy with HG and that first couple of years with the twins was bloody hard. I haven’t felt the urge to have another until just recently. I never really thought I’d want anymore mostly because of how hard it was with the twins but they are getting to an age where life seems to be getting easier. They are going to school in 2021... part of me would like to know what it’s like to have just one baby at one time. I feel we missed out on so much that first time around. There is of course a chance of having twins again and I really don’t think I could mentally and physically handle it.. but I’m not ready to say I’m done. My husband hasn’t had the feeling of wanting another yet but says ‘never say never’and ‘we don’t know how we’ll feel in a year or two’. We’ve both made it pretty clear if it doesn’t happen within the next couple of years he will get the snip. Any advice from anyone been in a similar situation. I’m worried I’m never going to feel done now :/

  2. #2
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    If your finances, lifestyles, energy levels and no less importantly, desire for a third all line up - why not? Just ensure there are no major stresses that will be amplified by the arrival of a newborn - with twins and a freshy, you'll want to make it as easy as possible on yourself.

    As for missing out - I only have the one and can't really tell you where the months went, somewhere between constant sleep deprivation, witching hours and poop explosions, I now have a walker - it feels like it's been 5 minutes and 500 years simultaneously.

    I think a 4-5 year age gap is actually ideal and the second time around tends to be a bit cruisier because we know what we're doing and we're less likely to overreact, panic over every little thing etc. But you'll be revisiting all the usual stages nonetheless - the long nights, teething, unexplained crying, colic/reflux (if you're unlucky), nap routines and less freedom.

    Things to consider! But as you know, it passes and I think you'll be better equipped than most having been through it with twins. You may find it a walk in the park!

  3. #3
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    We are currently 13 weeks pregnant with our third. Different circumstances as I don’t have twins but I was very well done with 2 then one day things changed. I am petrified of parenting 3 but we have a 3 yr gap between our children so DS1 will start school just before this baby is born which will hopefully help a little.
    Good luck with your decision. I found heaps of threads about whether to have a third or not when I was asking myself the same thing so maybe have a search.

  4. #4
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    Lots of people told me that you'll definitely know when youre done and if you're not sure then you're not done. Not sure if that helps but its how it felt for me. Although that could change i suppose.
    Another good piece of advice i was given is that people tend to regret the things they dont do/dont try, moreso than the things they tried that ended up not working out the way theyd planned. So from that point of view, i sometimes think about what id regret the least iykwim. So maybe think about would you regret not having a 3rd more than having a 3rd and it not being what you envisioned. Best of luck whatever you decide :-)

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    Best of luck to you deciding.
    I can say though that it is possible to regret having a larger family. It’s not that you don’t love that child only that it can be harder than you thought.
    I would advise anyone to really take time to weigh it up and make head choices over heart ones. Just my two cents.

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  7. #6
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    We always said we would be happy with two but after my second DS was born I didn’t feel done and had a strong desire for a third. Took a lot of persuading to get my DH on board but DS3 joined us in June and I can now say I feel done. I just love him and he’s definitely completed me. I now no longer feel like someone is “missing”.

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    I'm not in the same position as you because I don't have twins, but we always said we were done after 2. Then when our youngest was about 3 something changed and I started considering a 3rd. I literally thought about it every day, and after a year or so I realised the feeling wasn't going away. It ended up taking another 4 years to finally get our third (lots of loss along the way after we finally decided to go for a third), but now that she's here, I know for absolute sure that three is the perfect number for us.

    Good luck with your decision.


 

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