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  1. #1
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    Default 9 yo accidentally punched another kid

    Hi there, my 9yo is going on in school suspension for punching another kid in the face. My son is big for his age with lots of opinions but low emotional self control. Apparently the other boy was taunting him but I need ideas on how to manage my son's response. He gets upset easily and whinges when he doesn't get his way. Looking forward to getting some help!

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    felicia81 (06-09-2019)

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    oh this sounds like my son.
    i stood up for my boy with the school by saying the other kid is bullying him with sly taunts and the like and i wanted it known that my child wasnt the only child at fault. i took it straight to the principal and requested chaplain for my child.

    we also kept reiterating to our child the right responses and actions to be taken in future scenarios and keep reminding him of that and keep in communication with appropriate school staff.
    theres a testosterone surge at 10yrs and also some kids just need more emotion coaching tham others.

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    Ahh (07-09-2019)

  5. #3
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    Well done to you for advocating for your child... Definitely need to look at emotional coaching

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    PinkPopsicle (07-09-2019)

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    I'd say he purposefully (not accidentally) punched the other kid in the face.

    I know he may have been responding to a taunt and kids tend to to have poor impulse control when angry but it's important to never make excuses for physical violence. Think about it in adult terms - if you punch someone, it doesn't matter what was said - you get punished by the law, not by mum and dad.

    You simply have to reiterate that any physical violence is never ok unless it's in self defence and he's protecting his body from harm. No ifs or buts or 'but he said'...inform him of how to best respond when he's being bullied (i.e. tell the teacher or tell you).

    I just think it's better to use a zero tolerance policy now to avoid potential issues with it later, when he's bigger and stronger and the consequences are harsher.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Elevatormusic View Post
    I'd say he purposefully (not accidentally) punched the other kid in the face.

    I know he may have been responding to a taunt and kids tend to to have poor impulse control when angry but it's important to never make excuses for physical violence. Think about it in adult terms - if you punch someone, it doesn't matter what was said - you get punished by the law, not by mum and dad.

    You simply have to reiterate that any physical violence is never ok unless it's in self defence and he's protecting his body from harm. No ifs or buts or 'but he said'...inform him of how to best respond when he's being bullied (i.e. tell the teacher or tell you).

    I just think it's better to use a zero tolerance policy now to avoid potential issues with it later, when he's bigger and stronger and the consequences are harsher.
    This. I wanted to write the same sentiment but didn't have the words.

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    I'd also written out a post the other day but changed my mind a I wasn't sure how to word it. As PP said, it's important not to make excuses. Taking responsibility actually puts a person in a better position to make changes, in the long run it is more empowering, though it feels tough in the short term.

    Work with your son on what behaviours he can do when he gets mad. For boys they often need to be physical- punch a pillow, go for a run, rip up paper. He may need different ones for different places (home, class, playground) and let his teacher know. It's much easier to replace a behaviour than completely get rid of it.

    To help with this he needs to learn what anger physically feels like for him. Does his tummy feel tight, his neck hot, his heart race? Or something else? This way he can implement the alternate action more readily as he will understand the feeling as anger.

    Finally, assure him that anger is OK, all emotions are OK to feel and a natural part of life. What is not OK is hurting yourself, others or property when you do get angry.

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  12. #7
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    I am agreeing with PP's - he didn't accidentally punch the other kids and making excuses about the other kids behaviour is not healthy for him. In the end if he king hits someone on the street - the police are not going to care if the other person was making fun of him.

    He needs to understand that violence is never ok unless it's in self defence from physical harm.
    Then implement strategies to process anger in a healthier manner, you can book to see a psychologist to assist with this.

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