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  1. #1
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    Default Mr 2

    Help needed so bad *cries*

    Myself and my partner live together and on days off we usually have his Mr2 and Miss6.

    Miss6 is an angel and god couldnt have gifted this family with a more well behaved child. Mr2 is still being nursed by his mother and theres no structure at home, therefore when he comes to stay with us he is usually beside himself.
    Lately he has been clinging to Miss6 ever so much, holding onto her and not letting go whilst crying and crying. We understand the situation he is in, and i sympathasise with him, but how do we stop him clinging onto his sister so much as it bothers her and stops her from enjoying herself.

    He also cries really bad to the point he is beside himself come bed time. We just cant settle him.
    We like to have alot of structure and healthy discipline in our house so its hard when its the opposite with their mother. Hes also moddycoddled at change over which makes that quite traumatic for him too.
    Any advice id appreciate.
    Thank you

  2. #2
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    he's a 2. hes still so little and still being breastfed. he misses his mum amd his sister is a constant in his life so only natural for him to cling to her. does he have to stay over or can he just do day visits for awhile longer?

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  4. #3
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    We want them to get used to being over and staying over, and really want to encourage that instead of sending him back home every time he gets too upset. Its a hard age i understand. But my partner wants that time with his children, which to me is more than fair. And he doesnt want to feel like a failure by sending him back when he gets upset.

  5. #4
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    Also the nursing at home is sporadic i believe....

  6. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by PinkPopsicle View Post
    he's a 2. hes still so little and still being breastfed. he misses his mum amd his sister is a constant in his life so only natural for him to cling to her. does he have to stay over or can he just do day visits for awhile longer?
    This.
    2 is still so so little and while being breastfed, (which I assume is also comforts as well as milk, and security for him) he's going to be unsettled and hang on to his sister. She's familiar.

    I understand dad wants his time with them, but he's not failing at being a dad by meeting his 2yos emotional needs by supporting the connection with mum.... even if that means taking him home to her sometimes.

    Some things I'd suggest, could mum send ebm?
    Can you introduce a security item?

    ideally if he were my son, I wouldn't want him so upset and would be trying to drop back the visits until he was older and more secure. Maybe dad can have him for shorter visits more frequently? Until he feels better about being away from mum.

    For the drop offs, I would suggest what I used to tell parents at work (childcare).... and what I tell myself when I drop my kids at childcare... Establish a routine. Be quick. Don't hang around. Don't look back. They'll be ok. Call later if you need to check on them. Try and talk positively about it.

    My last child was 3.5 years old before he spent even a couple of hours away from me. He was breastfed until 3y8m and felt insecure without me there. He wouldn't even stay home with daddy while I ran to get bread or milk.

    But within a year, he'll happily sleep 3 or 4 nights at my mum's house. He was fine with my mum and partner while I was in hospital for 4 days.

    But it took time. He did it when he was ready. 2 is so little. Overnight is a long time for such a small child.
    Last edited by shadowangel0205; 29-08-2019 at 19:53.

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  8. #6
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    Thank you so much.
    I guess i never thought about his emotional needs that way. At the moment its just nightly stay overs.
    In regards to drop offs i completely agree. Make it fun and exciting.

  9. #7
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    I agree it's pretty normal for a 2 year old to be super clingy to their mum. Like PP's child, both of mine would be upset if I even ducked to the shops leaving them with DH at that age (tough stage for daycare drops!!).

    I understand that you and your partner have some parenting 'ideals' regarding routines and discipline. Pre-kids I had a lot of thoughts about the way I would/should do things too. But then these amazing creatures come into your life and you need to modify and adapt. Sometimes just to cope with them every unrelenting minute of the day, sometimes because it is what they need.

    I would be going softly, softly with him. Lots of fun, cuddles and sweetness. Don't ever mistake this for 'spoiling' a child, it's nurturing and it's what children need most. (I'm not saying you're not doing this, but you may need to take it up a level. I never realised how needy kids are until I had them, they're like the neediest boyfriend I ever dumped x1000! I don't cope well with needy, but I do for my kids. 😁)

    On a practical note, will he take a bottle? Most parenting books say you should have them on cups by 2yo but both mine still took a bottle at that age. They were capable of using a cup, but a bottle of milk just seemed to have some magical calming power. If not, I'd be looking for some other sort of comfort routine you could build in to visits, like cuddling one of those wheatbag soft toys or laying on a soft rug and making 'snow angels'. Something soft, calm and nice.

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  11. #8
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    He doesnt like cuddles unless hes really tired or actually wants one of us. Usually if hes ****ed off with one of us (mainly around bed time) he will want the other. Hes a very independant kid so unfortunately cuddles and affection are unwanted (towards us), so we dont push them onto him but the second he does i welcome it with so much love.

    Bottles he does have when he feels like it but only water, we dont feed him milk or formula.
    I try keep them away from TV around bed time as ours is huge and bright and im concerned for their little eyes and heads.
    We try and keep things fun and interesting... im just at a loss as to what to do to make him happy during those trying times apart from sending him back to mum.
    It breaks my partners heart too as hes trying really hard and i can see how much it saddens him.

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  13. #10
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    I'm just going to put this out there, and I know it'll come off pretty bluntly but it's my honest opinion so here goes ...

    I think that two years old is way too young for this little boy to be away from his Mother for a full day, let alone overnight. The fact that he is still being breast fed (even if that is sporadic) makes it even more inappropriate. He has been taken away from the one main thing in his life that brings him comfort and frankly it is no wonder that he is clinging to his sister when he comes to visit.

    I'm not sure if this is court ordered visitation of if it's an agreement that the parents have arrived at together but I would encourage all of you to act in the best interests of this little boy. Frequent visits for two or three hours would be so much more appropriate at this age and it makes me sad that at two years old he is being taken away from his home, his Mother, and the comfort of a familiar environment overnight and it's expected for him to be ok with that. He's just a baby!

    This visitation arrangement might be suiting the parents involved but this isn't about you guys - it's about what is good for him. This post makes me very, very sad...

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