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  1. #1
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    Default “I love my kids but if I had my time again I would never have had them...”

    Apparently a childless by choice woman has said that many mums tell her that and that validates her decision to remain childless.

    WDYT?

    IMG_5044.jpg

  2. #2
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    People are entitled to make their own life choices, but I don’t believe the “many mums will tell you...” bit. Absolutely life changes when you have kids, but I think it’s more about evolving than a massive change of your entire life. There are definitely aspects I do find tricky to navigate, but I’m fairly confident the amount of women who truly regret having children would be in the vast minority.

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  4. #3
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    Each to their own. I think some people are confident in their decision not to have children and that’s ok. And some women probably do feel that if they had their time again, they wouldn’t have kids- especially in the early years when the kids are still quite dependant on you and it’s easy to lose that sense of self. I think it’s particularly true for women who may have had a strong career and relatively “carefree” life prior to kids, they may find it hard to get back into the workforce after time away, they may miss that sense of adventure and freedom of their old life. I don’t agree with the comment about being packed off to an aged care facility while their kids sponge off their money though, I think that’s a bit harsh.

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    There probably are women that perhaps ‘regret’ having kids and miss their ‘old life’ but I don’t believe it’s a common thing at all.

    My DH and I have fought long and hard to have our children - been to hell and back several times. Is parenting all peaches and cream - no way - but I feel like I’m the opposite to this lady in the fact I’m scared of how I’m going to cope when I’m an empty nester . I guess this shows how different people can be.

    I also wonder if she’s heard the comment “if I had my time again ...“ once or twice and she’s running with that to validate and justify her own feelings (which she really doesn’t need to do - it’s her choice)

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    I hate this, my mum told me that, way to go “mum” way to make your kids feel loved and wanted, she was a sh*t mother and she is a narcissist, fine for people to feel this way but don’t tell the kids
    Last edited by stacey10; 17-08-2019 at 12:02.

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  9. #6
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    Default “I love my kids but if I had my time again I would never have had them...”

    I would hope, if her comment is true, that those people would be in the minority. Otherwise there’s potentially a lot of unhappy mothers and there, and the flow on effects to the children.
    I dunno if I think a lot of people would have said that though. But it’s possible. I’m sure there’s many Mums who thought they knew what parenthood would be like, and it’s not what they anticipated. Or teen Mums who haven’t been able to do everything they wanted because they had a baby. Or Mums who thought their partner would be a great Dad, but in fact he’s a massive letdown. Maybe she’s heard “I wish things weren’t so hard/difficult/my DH did more/my ex paid CS” etc etc and is inferring from that people regret their kids rather than the circumstances? Who knows. Maybe she’s met women who aren’t maternal and had a child because their partner wanted one. I imagine that would be a daunting concept and one open to possible regret.
    Motherhood is a hard gig. People don’t often tell you how hard, or if you do hear it, you may think “my kids will be different”.
    I mean, DS was an easy baby. And easy toddler. Still is a (mostly) lovely kid. DD was an easy baby, but toddlerhood with her was hard. Very, very hard. If she’d been the first, we may not have had a second! Do I regret her though? No. But I am bl00dy glad she’s gotten easier as she gets older. Though I am dreading the teen years

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    Someone I know has said “if something happened to him we wouldn’t have anymore” I was a little taken back, she loves her DS but found the first 3ish years very very hard. She is a wonderful mum and her DS is very loved and well cared for. She is also an amazing help with our kids.

    I don’t think people are open and honest about how hard parenting is and those who are get labeled very harshly.

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    I've never heard anyone say that. I suspect it's a small minority who do. I have heard the opposite many times though...that no matter how hard having kid/s is the parents don't regret having them. I really don't think you should base your decision of whether to have kids or not on what other people tell you about it. The choice should be a personal one to you. I saw a really good Insight episode on "childless by choice". It was cool to hear the different perspectives and some of the discussion was quite thoughtful.

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    I know someone at work in her late 30s who hasn't had kids because she claims she knows people who regretted having children and she didn't want to have the same regrets. Of course, there may be a multitude of reasons of why she never had children (eg infertility, just not interested) and this is just a line she says because she doesn't want to talk about it. Or it may be the truth. Either way it is all very personal. AS to the people who told her that they regretted having children, I don't believe that many people lie on their death beds regretting their children. I think a lot of people love their children very much but vent about their kid behaviour, but that doesn't mean they regret actually having them.

    I have a lot regrets in my life, but don't regret having children. I regret who I had them with and I hate that I can see negative traits in my kids that they got from their father, but that's a whole different thread.

    On the whole, I would say my kids are my proudest achievement in life.
    Last edited by SSecret Squirrel; 17-08-2019 at 17:25.

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  16. #10
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    There were a few great and honest threads on BH a few years back on this topic, and i remember quite a few people saying they definitely loved their kids, but they did have regrets, missed their old lives, and yes some said if they had their time again, they might not have, or wouldn't have, kids. It was a really eye opening and honest thread.

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