Hoping to get some advice on how to deal with my situation please. We have a 2.5yr old son and welcomed our beautiful twin boys into the world 3 months ago! It has been bloody tough, my mom stayed with us the first 2 months which was a godsend and now we’re on our own with no family support but things are definitely getting easier with the twins sleeping better at night and not having to feed so often. Since the day I brought the twins home my husband has really struggled. He had to get up to help at night for the first 8 weeks to burp and do nappy changes and every single time my request was met with a sigh and he’d whinge through the whole process, and he’d get so worked up and snap if he couldn’t settle one of them. He actually told me he really wished we didn’t have twins and it’s all just too hard. It’s really stressed me out knowing I don’t have my husband as my rock and support like he was with our firstborn. He’s great with our eldest and has stepped up a lot there but he knows the alternative is dealing with the twins so no surprise. I always have to ask for help with the twins, he’ll never offer to help, he’ll always wait to be asked.

I never get any positive encouragement from him or support, he just goes ‘I don’t know how you do it’. What would be nice is if he came home and said ‘you’ve had them 3 days straight while I get to go to work and escape it all, why don’t you go have a bath and I’ll manage putting them to bed’, or suggest I go for a coffee or massage and he’ll just deal with the kids. He says it’s too difficult and he can’t cope with all 3.

I’m just extremely frustrated and actually annoyed that he is ‘struggling’ so much and here I am just getting on with it taking care of 3 kids under 3. If I say I’m tired he goes ‘I couldn’t sleep much either last night’, yet he didn’t get up once to help me. He’ll sit on the couch on his phone or watching tv at night then just go straight to bed without asking if there’s anything I need him to do, or without doing stuff out of his own. He seems to have developed a bad temper and it’s no wonder he struggles to settle the twins because he’s so negative towards the whole situation and they can probably pick up on that. I don’t want to just give him the easy way out and not ask for his help because my mental health matters just as much and I need a break sometimes. Plus I just think it’s not fair, he was an equal part in making the twins, he wanted another child too and I can’t control we had twins plus I wouldn’t wish it any other way.

I just feel like I’ve lost my wonderful, calm, loving husband. He’s become nasty, angry and unsupportive, I just feel like I am going in circles when I try talk to him about it.

Any advice welcome! Thank you!