4th child - considering another baby after complications

[crunchymumma]

Hi

Mum of 3 kids - DS9, DD7 and DD2
Always though 3 but really aching for a 4th to complete our family.

Social stigma around “large” families worries me.
Upgrade of car, possibly a room share of kids to keep home office (designed to be a 5th bdrm if needed).
Time off work as business owner.
Considerations with older kids and welcoming a baby again.
PPH complications and needing a prolonged hospital stay with planned section - although OB visit was positive in being able to manage those complications well.

Would love to hear from families with 4 kids or more and how your dynamics work!

[KJane13]

Hi

Mum of 3 kids - DS9, DD7 and DD2
Always though 3 but really aching for a 4th to complete our family.

Social stigma around “large” families worries me.
Upgrade of car, possibly a room share of kids to keep home office (designed to be a 5th bdrm if needed).
Time off work as business owner.
Considerations with older kids and welcoming a baby again.
PPH complications and needing a prolonged hospital stay with planned section - although OB visit was positive in being able to manage those complications well.

Would love to hear from families with 4 kids or more and how your dynamics work!

Hi

I wouldn’t worry about social stigma. Do what’s right for you & your family! I don’t think sharing bedrooms is necessarily a bad thing, my husband shared with his brother & it made them closer.

The car thing yes I imagine that would be annoying but ultimately if emotionally you’re really wanting to add to your family I think it’s a small payoff in the long run.

As a doula in terms of your PPH I’d be looking into possible causes (what interventions did you have, was there perineal trauma, was your environmental conducive to oxytocin production which is needed). I’d also be interested in why your OB says you need a planned caesarean? You lose much more blood in a caesarean than a vaginal birth, & the risk of complications is higher.

[bezzy]

Hi

I wouldn’t worry about social stigma. Do what’s right for you & your family! I don’t think sharing bedrooms is necessarily a bad thing, my husband shared with his brother & it made them closer.

The car thing yes I imagine that would be annoying but ultimately if emotionally you’re really wanting to add to your family I think it’s a small payoff in the long run.

As a doula in terms of your PPH I’d be looking into possible causes (what interventions did you have, was there perineal trauma, was your environmental conducive to oxytocin production which is needed). I’d also be interested in why your OB says you need a planned caesarean? You lose much more blood in a caesarean than a vaginal birth, & the risk of complications is higher.

I can’t speak for the OPs particular circumstances however for myself with a previous massive PPH, an early CS would be required because a major cause of my PPH was uterine atony and labouring will greatly increase the risk of this happening again.

[KJane13]

I can’t speak for the OPs particular circumstances however for myself with a previous massive PPH, an early CS would be required because a major cause of my PPH was uterine atony and labouring will greatly increase the risk of this happening again.

There are definitely a few circumstances when a C section has less risks than another vaginal birth. I hope my post didn’t imply otherwise

[crunchymumma]

Hi

I wouldn’t worry about social stigma. Do what’s right for you & your family! I don’t think sharing bedrooms is necessarily a bad thing, my husband shared with his brother & it made them closer.

The car thing yes I imagine that would be annoying but ultimately if emotionally you’re really wanting to add to your family I think it’s a small payoff in the long run.

As a doula in terms of your PPH I’d be looking into possible causes (what interventions did you have, was there perineal trauma, was your environmental conducive to oxytocin production which is needed). I’d also be interested in why your OB says you need a planned caesarean? You lose much more blood in a caesarean than a vaginal birth, & the risk of complications is higher.

I guess I meant more the social stigma for my children. They are at a wonderful school but larger families are getting less and less popular and I don’t want them to have issues.

The car isn’t a huge thing, I guess it falls into a long list of things so seems to be “another” hurdle.

I’ve had 2 immediate PPH (#1 was 1.5L, uterine massage, IV meds and suppositories and #2 was over a 4L loss with emergency theatre where 3C tearing was found, 2.5 days in ICU, multiple transfusions and many drugs) and 1 secondary PPH over 1L. Each time atonic uterus was the diagnosis.

My 3rd was a planned section due to the high chance of repeating #2 situation and also because with the tears from #2 I was at risk of continence issues (had issues after both #1 and #2) and I decided those issues combined were enough for me to go with a planned section.

This time it’s strongly recommended that I have a Bakri Balloon inserted after my uterus is thoroughly cleaned out to prevent a secondary PPH also.
Coagulation screening is normal.

[crunchymumma]

I can’t speak for the OPs particular circumstances however for myself with a previous massive PPH, an early CS would be required because a major cause of my PPH was uterine atony and labouring will greatly increase the risk of this happening again.

Correct. Unfortunately it was the same for me with my #1 and #2 and although I desperately wanted to have a vaginal delivery the lack of trauma and emergencies in my #3 was very special. Skin to skin, my milk came in on time, no bleed. Bonding! It was amazing. Unfortunately a pesky secondary PPH did get in the way but everyone was on top of that.

[SheWarrior]

I’ve not long had our 6th, he was born 6 weeks early and had to stay in special care for 3 weeks. Unlike my others, it also meant I stayed in hospital for 3 days as I had a PPH (had one after my 5th too).

In regards to the stigma, I don’t really notice any. People are shocked/surprised, especially given we aren’t a blended family, but generally very positive. Some make comments about the fact we have 5 girls and a boy but again, they aren’t usually said in a negative way (although sometimes I do take the comments to heart). And I’ve learnt that unless people are directly responsible for our kids (ie, dh and i), their opinion is irrelevant. Our kids share rooms- dd1 (12) has her own downstairs, dd2 (9), dd3 (7) and dd4 (5) share a room, dd5 (3) has her own room and ds is in our room but has his own nursery. Before we had the house we are in, dd1 and dd2 shared, dd3 and dd4 shared and when dd5 came along she had her own room. We just work with whatever dynamics are happening with the kids at the time. We had a 7 seater car before dd5, but it was too small so upgraded to a Kia grand carnival and there is so much room even with all the seats in use, including 3x baby seats. We bought it second hand for $7000, it was in immaculate condition and very well looked after.

Time off work I can’t really offer advice on as I’ve been a SAHM since before dd1 was born but I am in uni and took time off with my last pregnancy. Older kids welcoming a baby... I didn’t think ours would be thrilled with the idea but the second we told them they were over the moon. We have always involved them in all the pregnancies and as much as possible once baby is born. They absolutely dote on him, as they have with all their siblings. The only thing they struggled with this time was the fact bub and I weren’t home straight away like usual, they were concerned about him having to stay in hospital but as soon as we took them to see him and actually show him he was ok, he just needed to get stronger and bigger, they were ok. While he was in hospital we did our best to make sure their routine wasn’t disrupted, and keep home life as normal as possible. Again, we involved them as much as possible so they could bond with their brother before he came home- so lots of talking about him, lots of photos and videos etc. The day he came home I think they were more excited than dh and I and haven’t let him out of their sight since. We were worried how our 3 year old would go, as she is very much the baby of the family, but even she is amazing with him and there’s been little to no jealousy at all.

[SheWarrior]

I guess I meant more the social stigma for my children. They are at a wonderful school but larger families are getting less and less popular and I don’t want them to have issues.

The car isn’t a huge thing, I guess it falls into a long list of things so seems to be “another” hurdle.

I’ve had 2 immediate PPH (#1 was 1.5L, uterine massage, IV meds and suppositories and #2 was over a 4L loss with emergency theatre where 3C tearing was found, 2.5 days in ICU, multiple transfusions and many drugs) and 1 secondary PPH over 1L. Each time atonic uterus was the diagnosis.

My 3rd was a planned section due to the high chance of repeating #2 situation and also because with the tears from #2 I was at risk of continence issues (had issues after both #1 and #2) and I decided those issues combined were enough for me to go with a planned section.

This time it’s strongly recommended that I have a Bakri Balloon inserted after my uterus is thoroughly cleaned out to prevent a secondary PPH also.
Coagulation screening is normal.

In regards to the social stigma and kids- my kids have never experienced any negative comments or reactions when they say the are 1 of 6. If anything, their friends and most of the people they encounter think it’s great and exciting and want to know all about it! We are the largest family at our school, but there are many families there with 4 kids. I think families with 1 or 2 kids are actually in the minority.

[crunchymumma]

In regards to the social stigma and kids- my kids have never experienced any negative comments or reactions when they say the are 1 of 6. If anything, their friends and most of the people they encounter think it’s great and exciting and want to know all about it! We are the largest family at our school, but there are many families there with 4 kids. I think families with 1 or 2 kids are actually in the minority.

Yes I really should have reigned that in and been specific that large families seem the minority where we are located.
Lots of 1-2 but not really more than that.

[crunchymumma]

I’ve not long had our 6th, he was born 6 weeks early and had to stay in special care for 3 weeks. Unlike my others, it also meant I stayed in hospital for 3 days as I had a PPH (had one after my 5th too).

In regards to the stigma, I don’t really notice any. People are shocked/surprised, especially given we aren’t a blended family, but generally very positive. Some make comments about the fact we have 5 girls and a boy but again, they aren’t usually said in a negative way (although sometimes I do take the comments to heart). And I’ve learnt that unless people are directly responsible for our kids (ie, dh and i), their opinion is irrelevant. Our kids share rooms- dd1 (12) has her own downstairs, dd2 (9), dd3 (7) and dd4 (5) share a room, dd5 (3) has her own room and ds is in our room but has his own nursery. Before we had the house we are in, dd1 and dd2 shared, dd3 and dd4 shared and when dd5 came along she had her own room. We just work with whatever dynamics are happening with the kids at the time. We had a 7 seater car before dd5, but it was too small so upgraded to a Kia grand carnival and there is so much room even with all the seats in use, including 3x baby seats. We bought it second hand for $7000, it was in immaculate condition and very well looked after.

Time off work I can’t really offer advice on as I’ve been a SAHM since before dd1 was born but I am in uni and took time off with my last pregnancy. Older kids welcoming a baby... I didn’t think ours would be thrilled with the idea but the second we told them they were over the moon. We have always involved them in all the pregnancies and as much as possible once baby is born. They absolutely dote on him, as they have with all their siblings. The only thing they struggled with this time was the fact bub and I weren’t home straight away like usual, they were concerned about him having to stay in hospital but as soon as we took them to see him and actually show him he was ok, he just needed to get stronger and bigger, they were ok. While he was in hospital we did our best to make sure their routine wasn’t disrupted, and keep home life as normal as possible. Again, we involved them as much as possible so they could bond with their brother before he came home- so lots of talking about him, lots of photos and videos etc. The day he came home I think they were more excited than dh and I and haven’t let him out of their sight since. We were worried how our 3 year old would go, as she is very much the baby of the family, but even she is amazing with him and there’s been little to no jealousy at all.

Thanks so much for your reply!
Congratulations on your newest addition, I’m glad he was born well although early.

It’s so difficult not being home immediately! My 1st was in NICU for over a month and wasn’t expected to come home. Then I had serious issues with #2. Despite the issues 3rd time around it was very much a positive experience and I’m so glad as my first 2 children were old enough to know if something was wrong.

I would be delivering 3hrs from home and they would have me in hospital for 6-7 days pending everything was well.
So many little things that I’m really considering. I don’t think I’d be thinking on them so much if it wasn’t my 4th.

Have you found any troubles having older kids and then much younger kids, with your oldest getting to those pre teen years?

Space in the house and car are really minor issues, but I guess have just made their way onto a long list haha.

I’ve only returned to work the past 6m and the past close to 10y I have been a SAHM. My oldest son health didn’t allow me to work until recently and I have really enjoyed going back - although Mum guilt for #3 has been huge, it’s so lovely being at home those early years!

I think I’m really cautious this time round as I have 3 children already and I don’t want to ruin our families balance and create chaos - I don’t know why I think 4 would create that. It’s just a concern.