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  1. #1
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    Default How would you feel if your husband left you to have child with another woman?

    ***** Didn't know which forum to put this in.Chidless but no longer trying***




    My husband and I tried for about 10 and half years to have a child. We went through numerous treatments and years of trying. After two years, we finallly conceived but lost the baby nearing our third month. It was devastating. I sunk into depression for a few years - still trying. IVF never worked for us. We did consider adoption but never had the funds to finance it.
    After the tragic loss of my husband's older brother, we seemed to let the dream go. I was older and the fertility drugs had left me quite ill. I required surgery and developed an auto-immune condition. I probably was not in the best of health to become a mother.

    I became a carer for my mother for some years after..still trying to take care of myself.
    My husband and I battled through -- we had a good marriage but suffered great loss and went through some major traumas(family tragedies).
    We never really received counselling for our infertility.
    And one day my husband said to me that he was content and happy that it was just the two of us.
    As hard as it was to hear those words, I was glad that he had come to a place of acceptance and peace.

    Three years ago my mother died. It was a devastating loss to me as we were very close. Some months after her death, my husband walked out on me. There was no argument. No conversation. Nothing. We had been enjoying a cup of tea together in the lounge room. I went outside for about five minutes and when I had returned he had gone! And that's how he left our 18 year marriage.

    The long story short, he was preparing to meet his girlfriend in another country. I had no idea. Absolutely blindsided! Never knew he would do that. The man that sent me text messages everyday telling me how much he loved me had gone!

    Leading up to his sudden departure, he said to me one day, "You would have made a good mummy".
    It made me so happy to hear those words. I cried.

    I'm sure we suffered numerous miscarriages but the pregnancy in the year 2000 was the only time I heard our babies heartbeat! We were told we had unexplained infertility.

    My husband divorced me September last year. I never really knew why he left me. He just told me he had to fulfill his dreams when I called him on the mobile that day.
    I lost my mother and husband at the same time. The only family I had come to love.
    I adored my husband immensely. Both were gone!

    I went through tremendous depression and shock. I'm still recovering..slowly.

    My ex-husband will sometimes contact me by email but doesn't share about his life.
    He says I am still his "friend". I have no idea what that means.

    On social media a few weeks ago he had mentioned that he and his wife were trying for a baby.

    I didn't even know he was married!
    Just reading those words, "trying for a baby" cut deep into my heart and soul.
    When I look back and think of all we went through and the devastation of failed treatments which had played havoc with my body.

    I think she is a lot younger then me and of a different race, so I wonder if he wants his child to experience two cultures.

    I know it's his life, but I always thought he had come to a place of peace and acceptance lie me in not having a child.
    We are both middle -aged and I suppose he feels like time is running out.
    But he has replaced me with a younger person and possibly "fertile".

    Sometimes, I think, well, if it makes him happy, then I should be happy for him. To be blest with a child would be wonderful, but it has opened old wounds for me.

    I hope I am not being selfish. I suppose I should be happy for both of them.

    But the way he left me and the cruel things he did after leaving me has not helped.
    I lost my dream of becoming a mum, then my mum, my husband, my home, and then my marriage.

    I sometimes wonder now if this was his plan all along...to leave me and find a younger (possibly fertile woman) to have a child.

    I just have to accept it. There is nothing else I can do.

  2. #2
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    I'm so sorry. That must have been very difficult to go through and must still be very difficult.

    I think I would feel hurt, betrayed and depressed.

    To go through something like that together, you would assume that your relationship would grow stronger not for your husband to up and leave.

    You are a very strong woman.

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    Dannipanni (20-06-2019)

  4. #3
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    @Dannipanni gosh I’m sorry for all that you have been through, certainly a lot, and yes after all of that it would have been a tremendous shock to you for your husband to up and leave you when you thought you had managed to navigate everything you had and come out the other side.
    But im going to play devils advocate here and I do not at all think he was “right” in what he did but unfortunately there is no right or wrong in this situation I don’t think. Although as hard as it is, maybe he was being true to his feelings and maybe his original feelings of being ok without a child had changed and he felt like this was his one life and he wanted to go out and try and live his life in a way that would make him happy and fulfilled.
    like I said I am in no way condoning him or trying to diminish your feelings at all. I just would hate to think of him feeling like he was stuck, feeling like he had to stay with you because it would be seen to be the “right” thing to do, if he was u happy etc.
    i just don’t know because it’s a hard one, on the one hand your relationship wasn’t a flash in the pan, you have been through some emotionally hard times and thought to have come through the other side, but would you have wanted him to stay with you if you knew he was unhappy?
    Maybe remove him from face book etc and have a real break, then try and regroup and look forward to a new direction in your life, which ever direction you choose.

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    Dannipanni (22-06-2019)

  6. #4
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    To answer your question - I'd feel deceived, hurt, let down, angry and various emotions inbetween. I wouldn't expect to feel 'happy' for him.

    But we can't control what others do. You had a successful marriage. Anything that lasts 18 years is a testament to our ability to compromise, love and endure. But from here on, your own happiness and well being should be your main focus. He's made his choices and you no longer owe him anything. Whether he goes on to have a good life or a tumultuous one - not your problem.

    You've been a wife, daughter, carer and have suffered and survived through the burdens of life. You were there when loved one's needed you and that alone is a beautiful thing. But it's your turn to find some happiness now and you will, even if it's different to how you imagined.

  7. #5
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    Sounds like he had a midlife crisis and completely re-thought his life.


 

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