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  1. #1
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    Default Late 30s loneliness

    Hi, this is really difficult to write. I’m in my late 30s and I don’t have any ‘groups’ of friends. I have individual friends who I catch up with occasionally, but any time they have a group catch up, I never seem to be invited.

    Honestly? Most of my friends seem to contact me when something has gone wrong and they need a sympathetic ear. I’m ok with this, but I would like to have some fun times as well. Plus, these people always seem to be ‘busy’ on the rare occasions when I need them.

    I don’t know, I feel lonely. I look at Facebook and so many women and mothers seem to have these fun nights out with friends. I’m a social person and I want that too.

    It’s making me feel depressed and I don’t know what I’m doing wrong.

  2. #2
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    I know how you feel - I have individual friends but not a set group and same with my husband and it’s caused us frustration.

    A few years ago we joined Meetup-com and found that really helpful to improve our social life with like minded people.

    The past year I’ve actually clicked with a few mums from mother’s group so we see a lot of each other each week but with our kids. Still trying to increase our adult only catch ups.

  3. #3
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    I’m the same. I’ve never been an overly social person. I guess it bothers me sometimes but I think far more people are in a similar boat than we realise.
    If this bothers you (and clearly it does because you made this thread!) and you would like to be more social you could try joining a meet up group or similar. I’ve done that type of thing in the past when I wanted to get out and do more stuff and I’ve had a great time. The friendships made were rather shallow though as it was really about going out and having a good night.

  4. #4
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    another lone wolf here. tbh, my
    mother’s group is the first group i’ve been part of since high school and uni days. it definitely gets harder as you get older i think. i have no advice as, if it weren’t for my mother’s group, i would be groupless too.

    it doesn’t bother me too much, i’ve always been a bit of a lone wolf. i actually find it harder being part of a group dynamic, i thrive one on one.

    i actually don’t think there’s anything wrong with not having a group, unless of course it’s bothering you. which it sounds like it is. sorry you find yourself in this position.

  5. #5
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    Hugs. I totally understand.
    I haven’t been part of a group since high school and haven’t had a friend to catch up with for the last 7 years since I left my home town. I tried to make friends but it’s very hard for me because I am different.
    As in I don’t drive and I have high needs kids which makes socialising difficult on a whole other level.
    I literally have no friends here. I have my childhood friends who are hours away from me and a friend I made online and have only met twice.
    My social interaction consists of texting these people.
    I’m turning 40 soon.
    Like pp I do prefer one on one but I’d honestly just like to socialise with anyone!
    Like op too in the past I’ve been the one my friends went to when they needed someone because I’m very loyal.
    Hopefully there’s more for us all in the not too distant future. You’re definitely not alone here xx

  6. #6
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    I am turning 35 next week and I always though I would be a social butterfly like my mum was when I was in school. But I really am not.
    I know lots of parents at school and some I have known for years, but I am not apart of their groups. I was really sad that they had a new year's party and I wasn't invited to go... almost all the parents I see every day were there. (Photos on Facebook of everyone having a good time)
    I was invited to a cafe for breakfast one morning, I was the first one to get there. And no one came, I waited 45mins. It had been cancelled and no one told me...

    As I have grown older my old friendships have dropped off.

    MY DH is more or less my best friend right now. Not that that's bad

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    I’m turning 33 this year and I don’t even have individual friends I catch up with.. and I’m honestly ok with that. I think there is a social conditioning that we need to have friends, catch ups etc. and there is something wrong if you don’t. I prefer my own company and enjoy doing things for myself. I see so many people at work too that I just want to go back into my shell the rest of the time. Honestly the only catch ups or socialising I do is yearly Xmas parties, that’s enough for me.
    Obviously it might be different if I wasn’t working, as I have been in the sahm boat too and it can be isolating. But my kids are older now.
    My dp is probably my best friend, but we don’t live in each other’s pockets either. We can enjoy time together and apart.

  8. #8
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    Another one here. I’m 42 with 3 kids. My bff will only make contact with me when it suits her which is between 5pm and 7pm when it is witching hour for me as I’m cooking/feeding/bathing 3 kids. I just don’t bother answering 99% of the time now. She has 2 kids who are 10/8 and I’ve always made time for them but not now I’m done. If she where a true friend she wouldn’t do and say half the crap to me what she has said.

    I used to have a great circle but my exh ruined that for life in 2004 when when he said to a good friends sister at their wedding that her new husband was a **** and she could go better. Needless to say I haven’t seen nor heard from that circle since 2004. I contacted everyone multiple times to apologise for him but it was to late I even contacted them when we split up and they still said nope. So now it’s just me and my kids. I’ve been on mat leave again for 12 months I’ve been to playgroups, meet ups with clubs. Nope no one seems to be interested these days in forging friendships

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    i think people are just busy and it’s easier not to. i also think technology plays a huge part in people not bothering to forge actual real life friendships; we are all connected via our devices and i think it gives us this sense that we are all in touch, but it leads to less face to face time. why do i need to set aside an hour for a coffee and have the hassle of leaving the house when i can just achieve the same by chatting on what’s app. that type of thing.

    in the old days you had to make more effort as the tech wasn’t there to connect people.

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  11. #10
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    I agree that people are more busy now. But alot of people make themselves busy.
    Breaking it all down what are we all so busy doing that you can't stop to wish a friend a happy birthday or just say hi?
    Our kids don't need to be busy every afternoon. An activity is great but we don't need to be busy for thesake of being busy. Which I know many people that think they do.

    I find it pretty sad that our society wants to just stay inside and think talking over an ap is better. Will be interesting to see what the next generation will grow up to be like.

    I have 2 people that I call real friends. That's enough for me.


 

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