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  1. #11
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    i’d rather 2 or 3 close friends that are actually real friends, than a
    group of people that are just superficial friendships.

    i’d say our mother’s group is pretty good, we are all pretty close in terms of we talk about anything/everything but we don’t really have that much face to face time. so who knows. we are all busy as we are all back at work now, everyone has different days off etc and it’s hard to coordinate a day to catch up where we are all free. so what’s app allows us to chat and stay in touch more easily.

    i agree with @Purple Poppy that people make themselves more busy these days. i think we are generally a lot more over scheduled these days than say, our parents generation. it’s normal for kids to be doing 2-3, even 4 extra curricular activities etc which is a huge time pressure on parents. i’m quite happy to take life a bit slower and not be busy for the sake of
    it. but i’m an introvert who can’t stand frittering her time
    and energy on mediocre friendships. i’d rather entertain myself (which i’m very happy to
    do) and save my time for those who mean more to me.

  2. #12
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    I had a few solid group of friends back in my country. One from high school, one college, and from work. I catch up with them everytime i go home, i miss them a lot. When i moved to Australia i had to start again but it's been difficult since we moved around a lot. I now have a few friends who i get along with well but we have to move again soon.

    I guess it's part of growing up, my husband is also my bestfriend, his friends have somehow become my friends. And I've learned to love my own company too since moving to a foreign country. I don't have Facebook so there's a very short list of people i catch up with. If i don't have their number maybe we are not close enough.

  3. #13
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    I'm not sure what has changed exactly but I recall my mum had so many local friends - they popped in/out throughout the day or they'd have a coffee and I knew, even as a young kid, to leave them alone for that little while. They weren't obsessed with domestic duties - homes were clean and relatively tidy but not instagram-worthy - a friend recently showed my her new and improved pantry - it's like a highly organised science lab. If I do pop in for 20 minutes, she cleans for 19 of those minutes.

    Another friend has decided that she needs too cook chef-worthy 3 course meals every day so she can't be contacted after 3pm, another spends every free minute strength training at the gym.

    I think my generation was taught to be productive, motivated and achievement-oriented. We went to uni, evolved our careers and some of us worked a lot harder to climb up in roles that were traditionally reserved for men...post baby, that high-achiever trait gets diverted into having the cleanest, most organised home or cooking the most nutritionally complete meals or religiously working towards eradicating any signs of a post-baby body or ensuring our kids participate in every activity available.

    These aren't bad things - but they can kill social connection. We don't have time to waste - we need to be productive and prove that we can handle it all and be the best at it. Even the photos we post of our kids are highly staged and professional looking.

    Sorry for the rant! It's just a trend I've noticed in my circles. Since I gave birth 7 months ago, I've tried to keep up but I would love to just take some time out with a friend over coffee while our babies babble and chew at their feet instead of feeling like I need to rebottle and label every spice in my pantry.

  4. The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to Elevatormusic For This Useful Post:

    Aanya (15-07-2019),amiracle4me (11-07-2019),Sirena89 (03-07-2019),SuperGranny (12-07-2019),turquoisecoast (15-06-2019)

  5. #14
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    I've found you have to put yourself out there. I have people I work with that we put in the effort and have a group friendship outside of work. My school mum friends are my life savers sometimes. We all catch up every Sun afternoon at a pub that's walking distance for all of us for a drink and a chat before dinner. We can't all make it every week, but it's almost always on. Husbands and kids go too...we catch up for 2hrs max, and it's become a favourite part of all of our weeks. We go camping together, exercise together. There are so many mum groups at our school, but this particular group I am very close to and I can't imagine they will never be in our life. But I put myself out there to get in to the group, and I'm so glad I did.

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  7. #15
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    Default Late 30s loneliness

    We have 2 close couples with kids that we have known since school. We catch up every 3-4 mths now. I’m happy with that.
    The people I have most of contact with atm are school mums and dads. Our girl is in prep and we all met each other last year at kinder. I’m actually just happy with chatting with say 10 of them once a fortnight for 5 mins each. There are also parties on a lot too , so we see each other there. I feel atm the moment any more than this is too much.
    I also have 2 work colleagues that I see at our place or theirs 3 times a year, but also see them at work too- but not actually work with them (casual nurses working in different areas ).

    Op, did you ever get super friendly with any school mums at beginning of school? Maybe this is where you could start ?
    I’m 41
    Last edited by Kazza78; 15-06-2019 at 18:44.

  8. #16
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    I can relate to this too......I use to be that person who scheduled in visits to friends and family on a reqular basis, organise gatherings and celebrations etc. Not anymore-I'm tired from doing it. From this experience I'm disappointed to learn that unless it's me keeping the relationship going, I don't hear or see anyone anymore-family included UNLESS they want something from me I know life gets busy with kids and work etc, but come on! I keep busy with my own family now and try not to let this upset me however part of me does wish I had a good 'Tribe' of people in my life to share things with apart from hubby and the kids.

  9. #17
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    I can too put my hand up and say I'm in the same situation as you. I'm 32 and have 2 kids both under the age of 7. My old group of friends from high school live completely different lives to me so they never contact me. They all decided they prefer to be childless and continue to drink and party every second day and I made ample attempt back in the day to maintain contact but they decided that I must have been too much after husband and kids came along. My only 'friends' are my DH and my sister. I've tried to make true friends but I never seem to get much back from them.

    I think the hardest part is school pick up and drop off because there are so many groups of mum's who have their circle and I feel like the outsider. I'm also terrified that my kids may feel this same way one day. It's one thing feeling lonely yourself but to know it's possible that your children may too one day is heart breaking...

    Love and hugs to you. I'm sorry I don't have any real advice as I think I'd just be a hypocrite. I lack self-confidence in myself nowadays to even attempt a meet-up group. I only hope that you know you aren't alone out there xo

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    Starfish30 (12-07-2019)

  11. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elevatormusic View Post
    I'm not sure what has changed exactly but I recall my mum had so many local friends - they popped in/out throughout the day or they'd have a coffee and I knew, even as a young kid, to leave them alone for that little while. They weren't obsessed with domestic duties - homes were clean and relatively tidy but not instagram-worthy - a friend recently showed my her new and improved pantry - it's like a highly organised science lab. If I do pop in for 20 minutes, she cleans for 19 of those minutes.

    Another friend has decided that she needs too cook chef-worthy 3 course meals every day so she can't be contacted after 3pm, another spends every free minute strength training at the gym.

    I think my generation was taught to be productive, motivated and achievement-oriented. We went to uni, evolved our careers and some of us worked a lot harder to climb up in roles that were traditionally reserved for men...post baby, that high-achiever trait gets diverted into having the cleanest, most organised home or cooking the most nutritionally complete meals or religiously working towards eradicating any signs of a post-baby body or ensuring our kids participate in every activity available.

    These aren't bad things - but they can kill social connection. We don't have time to waste - we need to be productive and prove that we can handle it all and be the best at it. Even the photos we post of our kids are highly staged and professional looking.

    Sorry for the rant! It's just a trend I've noticed in my circles. Since I gave birth 7 months ago, I've tried to keep up but I would love to just take some time out with a friend over coffee while our babies babble and chew at their feet instead of feeling like I need to rebottle and label every spice in my pantry.
    I love this x


 

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