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  1. #1
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    Default First time mum with some questions.

    Hey all,

    I'm almost 12 weeks pregnant with my first baby and naturally pondering what life will be like with a baby.
    Admittedly, I do know some things will change.

    I am lucky enough to work in a family owned buisness where I will be able to take the baby to work and work from home. I do not do well with change and I am determined to fit the baby into my life, and not revolve myself around the baby so much.
    To the point where id already planned a holiday to Japan and now will have to take a 3 and a half month old baby along. Which I am quite happy to do, I am familiar with Japan having travelled there before.
    Ive spoken with friends and family about these issues and most of my friend with kids are telling me to go for it, do as much as I can with baby why not.
    However some older family members and friends without children have scolded me for wanting to take baby overseas and most of all for me wanting to keep working and living my life.
    I am not oblivious to the fact that things will change but why do we have to let having a baby change everything we are and want in life? These friends and family members who in one breath tell me I am going to be an amazing mum but in the next breath when I speak about travel and work and my hopes and dreams tell me "oh no honey everything is going to be different and you cant do that" Wouldnt me doing all I want to do and working while having a baby and working it out make me an amazing mum?

    I feel like everyones so excited for me to be pregnant but only if I aspire to be sitting on the couch for the rest of my life with a baby.

    Sorry, I know its a little bit of a rant but I just want to know if theres any other ladies out there who have had a similar experience or similar thoughts.

    I hope this post makes sense, its just really starting to upset me and im getting fed up with the "advice" already.

    Thanks girls.

  2. #2
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    My experience is the opposite really - first time mum and revolved my days around bubs sleep to maximise his rest time but it means I now have a 2 year old who doesn’t sleep well outside of his own cot. However, I don’t overly regret it as he never got overly tired, always properly rested when he needed it.

    We have tried a few holidays and they haven’t all been fab but I look on a little enviously at my friends who travel lots with their kids.

  3. #3
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    Thanks so much, Ill definately try to get the routine happening asap!

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    mandmbaby (30-05-2019)

  5. #4
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    I meant to add that I think you should embrace your plans and parent your way!!! Your child will adapt to you like you will to them

  6. #5
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    The thing is, a baby MAY change you in ways you never imagined. eg. my friend was doing her CPA quals when she fell with her first and throughout pregnancy was talking about being back at full time work within 6 months, running the Melbourne Marathon again which was when bub would be about 12 weeks old and was very "bub will fit in with my life". She now chuckles at how she thought back then as when baby came her whole perspective on everything changes, she never returned to her job (but has started some work from home) won't even consider daycare for a few hours and had her 2nd bub before #1 turned 2.

    She's probably one of the most extreme cases I know, but probably moreso because she really didn't think that having a baby would have that big an impact if she didn't want it to. I'm sharing her story because that is what I'm hearing from you.

    I have another friend who runs her own business and barely needed to stop when bub came, but her partner took on about 70% of the care giving to enable that to happen.

    Babies need a lot of care and often instincts of their carers override all logic. They can also be incredibly tiring, ditto birth, you will probably find you physically cannot do what you do now on top of looking after a newborn (sorry not sure of your return to work timing. Eg. Taking a baby to work sounds easy in theory but it all depends on what sort of baby you get.

    It is hard, I did all my DH's bookwork and invoicing up until I had bubs and again once I was out of hospital recovering from emergency CS births. My 1st was a super needy newborn - collicky screamer who couldn't nap for more than 15 minutes and feeds took 1 hour, my 2nd loved long naps, 10 minute feeds and chilling out - so he made working with a newborn much easier. Funny enough, my 1st was easier from 3 months on and my 2nd just got harder and harder. You don't know which one you'll get though!!

    All that said, we travelled to the other side of the country with our 1st at 4mo for a destination wedding and then set of around the world when she was 8-13 months - some side trips during that time I did on my own with her. So I don't want to come across as really doom and gloom at your plans.

    It's just important that you expect the unexpected. Lack of being in control can be big triggers for people prone to depression or anxiety. The more firm your plans are, the harder it will be for you to cope if things HAVE to change (or if you want to change plans). So plan in for flexibility, assume the changes will be bigger than expected, have a plan B, C and D. Of course aim for plan A, but know that babies are very good at mucking up plans.
    Last edited by Stretched; 28-05-2019 at 22:06.

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    atomicmama (30-05-2019),JustJaq (28-05-2019),Kalina (29-05-2019),Yogis Mumma (28-05-2019)

  8. #6
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    My biggest piece of advice would be to go into it with a completely open mind. You will change in ways you never expected, but you will be pleasantly surprised how much you can do with a child in your life. Keep living your life, take each day as it comes and roll with the changes.

    I think it sounds like your child will have a really interesting life!

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    LittleDove (29-05-2019),Yogis Mumma (28-05-2019)

  10. #7
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    Having a baby didn't really 'change' me. I still have the same likes, dislikes, hobbies, dreams for the future etc. I didn't suddenly shed my skin of 30 years and transform into mother butterfly or anything. I still loathe domesticity and I'm a sucky housewife (I try my best).

    But what I wasn't 100% prepared for was how time and energy consuming having a baby would be. There are times when I'd really love to do something but after a week of sleep deprivation, I struggle to find the motivation. A baby is 100% reliant on you to survive - that kind of responsibility was not something I'd ever experienced before.

    As much as I would have loved for bub to fit into my life, it just doesn't quite pan out that way (not for me, at least). I tend to live around her naps.

    But I don't have the easiest baby out there so everyone will experience things a tad differently.

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    littlemissbump (29-05-2019)

  12. #8
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    Thanks for the feedback girls, I really appreciate it.

    I obviously have no idea whats going to hit me, I'm speaking generally about hopefully, having a good baby that allows me to still carry on with some of my things. I will need to change and adapt I get it and the baby will be totally reliant on me. I guess whats more upsetting is when I speak about all the things I want to do with some people, I get a "you cant do that" before I've even had a chance to try.
    Its a little disheartening to be honest and kind of putting me off the choice I've made to have a baby.

    I understand babies are full of surprises and my life may never be the same again and I guess I will have to try to deal with that when it comes.
    At the moment it feels like the people around me are supportive but only because they will have something cute and small to cuddle at the end of this, they wont be there to support me and my dreams.
    I'm 28 and feel a bit like a 15 year old who's going to ruin her entire life.

    I know I'm rambling on, I'm just starting to get really stressed about this situation and I don't feel like talking about it with my family.

  13. #9
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    I think it's great to have plans. I don't think it's necessary to put everything on hold...

    But, I do think your baby's temprament *can* make a difference to what you can and will achieve.

    E.g....My first 2 couldn't have been more different for traveling.
    #1 - i could put him in the carseat, and go anywhere. As long as I stopped when needed (at least 2 hourly) he was happy and content. I could travel 1 side of Victoria to the other in a day and he was perfect. He slept reasonably well at night, and was pretty content.
    #2 - as soon as he was in a carseat, he would scream. He would be hysterical by the time I'd driven 3kms to the supermarket (5 mins, with peak traffic) it took me 2 HOURS to travel 40kms on a rural highway, because he's get so worked up, I'd pull over and calm him down... then load him up, take off again... on my to pull over a few kms later and start again... this continued until he was almost 2.every. single.trip. no matter how short. He did NOT sleep any longer than 90mins, and was awake for 60-90 mins between every sleep too - u till almost 1yr. He was very colicy... and just wanted to be held....

    I'd have gone anywhere with #1. #2, even doing our groceries caused anxiety....so I wouldn't have even considered overseas.

    But.... I definitely think ores doable, and if you're happy to try.. it's the only way you'll know. Just keep in the back of your mind that it may not work out exactly as you'd had planned.

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    Yogis Mumma (29-05-2019)

  15. #10
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    How you're feeling is completely normal, like you and others have said you don't know how it will impact or change your life. I think most women have a vision of themselves as mothers and it's not much use your friends telling you "all that will change" - As with everything else in life, we adapt as life unfolds and often things only make sense in hindsight.

    The only bit of advice I would suggest is to be kind to yourself, try not to be rigid in your expectations of yourself or your baby, and remember that the two of you will grow and evolve together as a team. Your interests and priorities may change, or they may not. If you're travelling again soon after having your baby, great, if it takes a little longer, no big deal. You'll get there, wherever "there" is.
    Last edited by Kalina; 29-05-2019 at 10:09.


 

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