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  1. #1
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    Default Close friend egg donor - love to talk to others who have gone on this journey

    Hi all

    I'm 43 and after many failed IVF attempts last year a close friend of mine has offered to donate her eggs to us so that we can have a better chance at conceiving a sibling for our (IVF conceived) 4yo child. We have just recently decided to accept her offer and while I am in most part feeling very excited and relieved, I also have a few concerns about how to navigate this well. She lives overseas so that separation is somewhat helpful even though we have a lot of contact online. We have a lot of mutual friends however and I'm feeling a bit vulnerable about I guess, the exposure of them potentially knowing that the child we conceive will be from her eggs. She is quite keen to be open about it (open to our guidance but keen to be open) and when she visits to do the donor cycle it will be tricky to hide the process from our friends I think. In many ways I'd like to be open too but I guess I'm feeling a bit vulnerable about it feeling like my child rather than hers / her potential attachment etc. And just how to navigate all of the tricky emotions moving forward with all of that. Also just the awkwardness of her going through the actual process and how to, in a practical and emotional sense support her with the needles etc. Anyone who's been there will hopefully know what I mean! It's just a LOT to take in. I'd really love to talk to someone who's been on a similar journey. How did you navigate it all in the friendship and has the friendship been changed for the positive or negative by the experience? How have you navigated the childs relationship with the donor? Looking forward to connecting with someone who understands this situation and can relate and chat! xx

  2. #2
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    Hi, that’s great that your friend has offered such a lovely gift. It sounds like you are asking all the right questions to think through how this will work for both of you, both during the process and in future. Before you do egg donation both you and your friend (and your respective partners if applicable) will need to do counselling with an Anzica counsellor if the cycle will be in Australia. I believe at least one of those sessions will be all of you together as a group. Could you perhaps talk to your clinic now and arrange a session with their counsellor to talk through your questions?

    Best of luck xx

    R

  3. #3
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    Hi,
    My sister donated eggs to me. We got 2 good embryos.. implanted 1 at the end of March. Unfortunately had a m/c at 8 weeks. Still have 1 left in the freezer.

    My husband, myself and my sister and bro in law had to do counseling. They also had to do blood tests. My sister had to have a number of internal scans and of course the injections. She already has 3 kids by the way.

    We already have a 4 yr old son. I dont feel weird at all about using my sisters eggs. I wouldn't strange using a friends either. 2 of my friends have also offered if this last embryo doesnt work. BUT we wont be doing another egg collection.

    In summary its alot of paperwork, tests, ultrasounds, counseling. But when you get your baby it will be worth it. And I bet your friend will think so too.

  4. #4
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    Hi,
    I have a amazing work friend who is going to go through the process of donating some of her eggs to me. I’ve found it incredibly humbling that she would do this for me after I had a miscarriage last year.
    Though my situation is slightly different. My friend and her husband discussed and decided that they would go ahead and offer to help me. We’ve had to go through multiple counseling to make sure that we understand what we’re going into. So it should definitely help to talk it out with a counselor and make sure you both know how your going to approach this and how much contact you’ll want your friend to have.
    Like I said my situation is slightly different as I don’t really see my work friend outside of work and she doesn’t want to be involved in my child’s life regularly, if I’m lucky enough to be successful. She already has children and they won’t really be a part of my child’s life. She’ll be happy to see photos on social media. We’ve decided to go with not telling to many people about it and that’s more her peace of mind as her relatives aren’t very open minded and on my side only close family and a couple friends know I’m going down the donor path. We’re just trying to keep it simple. We’ve discussed the needles and everything she’ll need to do before egg collection and also the nurses at the clinic will go through every thing with your friend. It hasn’t felt awkward discussing it with her and we’ve had a few laughs about getting to be a pin cushion instead of me and how they injections can make you feel. I’ve not let the emotions get in the way and I know that’s easier said than done. But I think of it as a means to the end. Hopefully the end result will be some great embryos and a baby for me we’re getting ready for egg collection around July/August. I’m more getting impatient and wanting it to be now though lol
    Good luck with your friend

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  6. #5
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    Hi ladies, I'm just wondering how long this process took you from go to woah? I understand there has to be counselling and everything but once I find a suitable clinic I'd just like to get on with it haha

  7. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by misshelly View Post
    Hi ladies, I'm just wondering how long this process took you from go to woah? I understand there has to be counselling and everything but once I find a suitable clinic I'd just like to get on with it haha
    Hi, with me there’s the initial 3 mths. My friend does the blood tests 3 months apart testing for diseases/complications. They are pretty standard. In between all that there’s the counseling and signing of contracts. It’s better to do all that within those 3 months. All up we’ve had to do 4 counseling sessions. Then if every thing lines up and your donor is still happy to go ahead they’ll do the egg pick up in month 4 and then if you go for the pgs/pgd testing add another month to that. I think we may be just missing the 4th month. So all up it’ll probably take 5/6 mths. I’m keeping my fingers crossed for a August/September transfer.

  8. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by Buffy0 View Post
    Hi, with me there’s the initial 3 mths. My friend does the blood tests 3 months apart testing for diseases/complications. They are pretty standard. In between all that there’s the counseling and signing of contracts. It’s better to do all that within those 3 months. All up we’ve had to do 4 counseling sessions. Then if every thing lines up and your donor is still happy to go ahead they’ll do the egg pick up in month 4 and then if you go for the pgs/pgd testing add another month to that. I think we may be just missing the 4th month. So all up it’ll probably take 5/6 mths. I’m keeping my fingers crossed for a August/September transfer.
    Thank you! That's not too bad... I was imagining 12 months or something haha.


 

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