+ Reply to Thread
Results 1 to 8 of 8
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Apr 2019
    Posts
    7
    Thanks
    9
    Thanked
    1
    Reviews
    0

    Default Confused... Narcissim or Jerk

    I Just need to put my thoughts into words but happy for comments or advice too...
    Recently moved out of a 10 year relationship because emotionally and mentally I'm exhausted.
    I work full time, have a 7 year old and
    have been diagnosed with Anxiety and depression Im the process of having a mental health plan drawn up to get things back under control.
    My ex and I have not discussed anything to do with separation since our child and I moved out a few weeks ago, he contacts me to see her on weekends and it's all a bit weird but amicable. He is staying in the home we own and we still share finances and have joint accounts/bills etc.
    I don't think I want to go back as their is too much that needs to change and I honestly don't think he is capable.
    Some behaviour examples that cause me stress along side having to do EVERYTHING... (banking, house work, 90%+ childcare, work full time, cooking , washing, food shopping and kids sports...

    * fobs off my opinion and tells me I worry to much
    * Rascial and homophobic comments in front of children and anyone else including strangers and thinks it's okay/a joke even if pulled up about it.
    * puts everyone else first above family including when his own child had an important and stressful appointment he was going to go into work first to have his work car serviced meaning I would have to drive to an unknown hospital to meet him their while thinking the worst and worrying that my child may have a serious life threatening medial condition. (Told me the day before the appointments when I was under the impression he booked the day off, then denied any responsibility because he didn't book the car in. Eventually after massive arguments he took the day off and rescheduled the service.
    *Forgets to mention things ie: if he has plans or we have been invited somewhere or if he needs to pay for extra things, unexpected bills (I do the budget and banking).
    *Sits in his adult child's bed room playing computers games when be gets home from work while our 7 year old and I live our own life (they usually eat dinner in there too) barely spends time with younger daughter blaming "our bond" because she always likes to be with me.
    * tried to tell me both kids, his and ours are scared of me (walking on eggshells around me because of my stress and anxiety).
    **Boasts about his achievements and what he has accomplished to everyone and anyone who he talks too right down to Name dropping big clients he has talked to or won contacts with. (Super embarrassing for me like he is talking himself up)
    **Told his adult daughter not to mention crude comments his co worker made to her while on work experience, to me as I was too stressed already and his work mate was just having a joke. (I feel he knew I would be mad and we would fight over his unwillingness to stand up for his own kid over a friend/work mate especially annoyed with him asking her to keep if from me. Which she obviously didn't because she needed someone to talk too about it.
    There is so much I could write but this is just the past 12 months I honestly don't know if he is a narcissist and is making me question myself, my sanity and making my anxiety worse or if it is me My expectations are too high and I like to be too organised is it my stress and anxiety alienating my judgment...

    Past history shows he doesn't think he is wrong and change never lasts longer than two weeks...
    I'm exhausted and wonder if it's worth trying to fall back in love again once my anxiety is under control or is it best to run while I still can!!

    This doesn't feel like love...
    Last edited by Rhummy36; 04-05-2019 at 13:14.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Posts
    6,273
    Thanks
    5,288
    Thanked
    5,286
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Nah he just sounds like a jerk to be honest. He gives you nothing by the sounds of it, yet takes a lot. I would be happier on my own if I were you

  3. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Mod-Wise Enough For This Useful Post:

    greeneyes81 (04-05-2019),Rhummy36 (04-05-2019)

  4. #3
    AdornedWithCats's Avatar
    AdornedWithCats is online now Winner 2013 - Spirit of BubHub Award
    Winner 2014 - Best Username

    Join Date
    May 2012
    Posts
    8,810
    Thanks
    9,326
    Thanked
    4,271
    Reviews
    17
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Sounds like a jerk

  5. The Following User Says Thank You to AdornedWithCats For This Useful Post:

    Rhummy36 (04-05-2019)

  6. #4
    Join Date
    Jun 2017
    Posts
    216
    Thanks
    116
    Thanked
    172
    Reviews
    0
    @Rhummy36, run as fast as you can while you still can. You're experiencing verbal and psychological abuse. He is a parasite in the relationship; taking as much as he can, while building his career and blames you for everything and leaves you with everything to do. He doesn't love you. Love is when he cares for you and vice versa. When you leave, he is going to present his 'good' side to win you back. Dr Jekyl and Mr Hyde. He is a master manipulator. 10 years of abuse is enough. The trauma of getting over the abuse is also going to be a challenge. You need to be strong. The fact he is in the house and you're still paying for the bills means you still love and care for him. It sounds like you have let him get away with too many things, but you need to take care of yourself from now on. No more abuse. All the best.
    Last edited by RubADub; 04-05-2019 at 15:39.

  7. The Following User Says Thank You to RubADub For This Useful Post:

    Rhummy36 (04-05-2019)

  8. #5
    Join Date
    Oct 2015
    Posts
    4,176
    Thanks
    4,123
    Thanked
    3,683
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Sounds like a narcissist to me. I can also see elements of gas lighting type behaviour in your post which screams emotional abuse. ETA the fact that you are questioning your sanity is a huge red flag. I would strongly suggest you get your hands on Lundy Bancroft's "Why does he do that". I think it will give you a lot of insight into your situation.
    Last edited by SSecret Squirrel; 04-05-2019 at 15:56.

  9. The Following User Says Thank You to SSecret Squirrel For This Useful Post:

    Rhummy36 (04-05-2019)

  10. #6
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
    Posts
    2,822
    Thanks
    4,390
    Thanked
    6,998
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    I think when you love each other, things are easy. Not all day and all the time but the majority of the time you should both be happy more than you are unhappy.

  11. The Following User Says Thank You to gorgeousgeorge For This Useful Post:

    Rhummy36 (04-05-2019)

  12. #7
    Join Date
    Apr 2019
    Posts
    7
    Thanks
    9
    Thanked
    1
    Reviews
    0
    Hmmm You summed up my thoughts exactly... I guess I was looking for others to confirm for me what I already know, just to be safe and to ensure Its not just me!!
    Thank you!!
    I'm going to arrange some councilling

  13. The Following User Says Thank You to Rhummy36 For This Useful Post:

    gorgeousgeorge (04-05-2019)

  14. #8
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Posts
    2,007
    Thanks
    900
    Thanked
    709
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Sounds like both to me

  15. The Following User Says Thank You to Tinkers For This Useful Post:

    Rhummy36 (04-05-2019)


 

Similar Threads

  1. A Little Confused
    By Lynda in forum Pregnancy & Birth General Chat
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 25-07-2005, 21:52
  2. Baby Shower confusion...
    By Beck17 in forum Baby Showers
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 07-07-2005, 11:40
  3. NeeD 2 TaLk 2 Sum1... Im ConFusEd bouT my PreGnaNcy
    By bubby_bub in forum Young Parents
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: 03-07-2005, 13:56
  4. Sad and confused
    By braydensmum in forum Pregnancy & Birth General Chat
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 18-05-2005, 10:14
  5. Expressing, nipple confusion and cracks
    By xkwzit in forum Breastfeeding Support
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: 09-10-2004, 22:36

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

FEATURED SUPPORTER
Pea Pods Reusable NappiesPea Pods are the smart choice when it comes to choosing what's best for you, your baby and the environment. Affordable ...